Bhaktivinoda Thakur

Svalikhita Jivani [Autobiography]

of Srila Sachchidananda

Bhaktivinoda Thakura

 

 

Original English Translation by Shukavak Dasa

[This version edited by KDA]

 

What  follows  is  Sriman Shukavak Dasa’s  translation  of  a

little  known  autobiography  penned  by  Thakura   Bhaktivinoda.

Without meaning any disrespect to Shukavak Prabhu,  I must  point

out  that his preliminary English rendition of Svalikhita  Jivani

is so eccentric as to leave me wondering at times whether it  was

truly  the work of an educated English-speaking  person!  Indeed,

parts  of it were so badly composed as to throw a great  darkness

of confusion over the subjects it was meant to illuminate.  Thus,

some  sentences were beyond interpretation and simply had  to  be

elided. Be that as it may, I have attempted to bring order out of

chaos and to present his translation in a readable form. Inasmuch

as  I  do not have access to the original Bengali text  I  cannot

vouch  for the accuracy of the translation overall.  I  have  not

dared  to  alter it too radically for fear of  misrepresenting  a

great Mahabhagavata, and thus my work as editor no doubt contains

many faults.  I pray that Sukavak Prabhu,  who was not unaware of

the roughness of his work and who perhaps employed some method of

working  that is beyond me,  will not be offended by what I  have

said,  but,  in defence of my criticism,  I felt I must alert the

reader  to  the possibility of there being some  inaccuracies  in

what follows.

Another  point  that  cannot go unmentioned  is  the  strange

interpretation  that Shukavak Prabhu has put upon the purport  of

this  extraordinary autobiographical work.  He sees this book  as

the  history of an ordinary Hindu who progressed from the pit  of

impersonalism and the practice of unpleasant habits to the  plane

of  pure  devotion  by the  simple  process,  more  or  less,  of

conversion  to  the Vaishnava faith.  This seems to me to  be  an

extraordinarily  dangerous opinion to foster even in the  privacy

of  one’s  mind — let alone in the circle of  mundane  scholars,

where he intends the idea to be circulated!

That is not to say that there is absolutely no basis for this

interpretation,  but  rather,  that it is wrong  and  potentially

calamitous.   It  is  true,   as  the  reader  will  learn,  that

Bhaktivinoda gave some credence to the monist view in his  youth.

It  is  true  also  that he  followed  some  practices  that  the

Vaishnavas generally opine to be wicked and impure. However, such

things have been recorded about the very greatest souls,  such as

the  four  Kumaras,  Roopa and  Sanatana,  Bheemasena,  and  many

others.  In  other  words,  one should never judge   great  souls

simply  on  the basis of some apparent  deviation  from  standard

scriptural regualtions, but rather on the depth of their devotion

to  Krishna,  which  may not,  by His  sweet  will,  be  manifest

throughout that great soul’s earthly life.

This  text  is  practically new to all of  us.  Some  of  its

revalations have,  however, come to the notice of the occaisional

ISKCON  devotee,  and  thus  Srila Prabhupada  had  occaision  to

correspond  on  them  on at least  one  occasion.  The  following

excerpt  from one of his letters touches on some of the  startled

questions that are bound to arise from the reading of this  book,

and, moreover, confound Shukavak’s unfortunate thesis:

“Regarding your questions,  ‘I read in a book sent from India

that  Srila  Bhaktivinoda  Thakur  was  sent  directly  by   Lord

Chaitanya from the spiritual sky.  I am not sure if that book was

bona fide.  Is the above true?  Someone, a Godbrother, brought up

that  he  had heard that Srila Bhaktivinoda was at  one  time  an

impersonalist. Was he ever?’ Yes, what you have heard is alright.

Just  like  Arjuna is constant companion of  Krishna,  as  it  is

confirmed in the 4th chapter,  Krishna says that both Arjuna  and

He  appeared many times on this world,  but he had forgotten  his

past  appearances and Krishna did not.  Krishna is like the  sun,

and maya is just like darkness.  Where Krishna is  present  there

cannot  be any darkness  of maya.  So as Arjuna  although  always

in  the presence of Krishna as eternal companion  in  friendship,

still  he had some illusion  in the battlefield  of  Kurukshetra,

and  Krishna had to dissipate  that darkness by the teachings  of

Bhagavad-gita.  The purport is, sometimes even a liberated person

like Arjuna plays the part of a conditioned soul in order to play

some  important  part.   Similarly,   Bhaktivinoda  Thakura   for

sometimes  was associating with the impersonalists.  And then  he

exhibited himself in his true colour as pure devotee,  exactly in

the  same  way  as  Arjuna  exhibited  in  the  beginning  as   a

conditioned  soul,  and  then as a liberated soul.  So  there  is

nothing to be misunderstood  in this connection.  Krishna and his

devotees  sometimes  play  like that,  as much  as  Lord  Buddha,

although  an incarnation of Krishna,  preached the philosophy  of

voidism.  These things are conducted in terms of place, audience,

time  etc.  In  the Chaitanya Charitamrita it is  said  that  the

activities  of a Vaishnava cannot be understood by  the  greatest

scholar…  So there is no doubt about it that Srila Bhaktivinoda

Thakura   is  eternal  energy  of  Lord  Sri  Krishna   Chaitanya

Mahaprabhu. And whatever he did was just to suit the time, place,

circumstances,   and  etc.  There  is  no  contradiction  in  his

activities.”

Notwithstanding  the  above conclusion,  which  proves  Srila

Bhaktivinoda  to  have  always been a Vaishnava  of  the  highest

order,  we must be cautious in approaching him through the medium

of  his  autobiography,  lest we fall into the trap  that  Sriman

Shukavak has fallen in. I would also urge the reader of this work

not  to  pass it on to those who might misinterpret it and  as  a

consequence denegrate a very,  very great soul, or who might have

his faith in the Vaishnava Acharyas in some way injured.

We would also do well to consider the following words of  his

son,  Sriman Lalita Prasad,  who first published the work, and to

whom it was addressed.

 

Note to first Bengali edition by Sriman Lalita Prasad

 

I  have  published this volume of Svalikhita  Jivani,  which  was

written  by my father,  for the sake of those who are  favourable

and  who are very close to him.  My honourable father ordered  me

not  to misuse whatever was written to me by him.  Such  was  his

instruction  to me.  That is the reason that I cannot  give  this

book  to  ordinary persons.  Only one who has complete  love  and

faith  in  my father can read this work.  If  anyone  reads  this

volume  and  makes his own commentary that is against  my  father

then he alone is responsible, not I.

 

Svalikhita Jivani

of Srila Sachchidananda

Bhaktivinoda Thakura

 

181 Manikatal Street

Bhakti Bhavan

 

1. You have asked me for the details of my life. Whatever I am

able to remember I have written down on paper for you. Please see

that you do not misuse this story.

 

2. I was born in sakabda 1760 on the 18th day in the month of

Bhadra in my maternal grandfather’s home situated in the village

of Ula [or Ulagram] also known as Biranagara.

 

3. [Horoscope was originally appended.]

 

4. My birth corresponds to the following: Sakabda 1760; Sri

Gaurabda 352; Christian Era, 2nd September 1838; Bangabda 1245.

 

5. As Biranagara was famous within the Bengal region as a wealthy

village so was my maternal grandfather, Sri Isvara Chandra

Mustauphi also famous as a prosperous landowner. His

extraordinary liberality was known in many parts of the region.

People used to come from all over the countryside to see his

famous palace. In the district of Nadia the village of

Biranagara [Ula] was known to be especially wealthy and happy.

 

6. I was born a descendant of Purushottama Datta, a Kanyakubja

Kayastha. Among the five Kayasthas who came to the Gauda region

at the invitation of King Adisura, namely, Makaranda Ghosh,

Dasaratha Vasu, Kalidas Mitra, Dasaratha Guha and Purushottama

Datta, Sri Purushottama Datta was the foremost. His community was

settled at Baligram. Later on some individual in his lineage

settled in Andulagram and became known as the chief of all the

Kayastha community.

 

7. Sri Govindasaran Datta was the 17th descendant from

Purushottama Datta. Govinda Saran, giving over to his brother

Hari Saran all the property of Andulagram, and having established

a village called Govindapur on one bank of the Ganges through the

generosity of the sultan of Delhi, made his residence there. In

time Govindapur fell into the hands of the British and was

converted into a fort [Fort William]. Thereafter, in exchange,

the Datta family was given land at Hatakhola where they built a

new settlement. From that time on the Datta family became known

as the Hatakhola Dattas.

 

8. The 21st descendant from Purushottama Datta was the greatly

famous Madanmohan Datta. He was foremost among the Hatakhola

Dattas and known as a very religious man. All the residents of

Bengal were aware of his famous works at Preshtasila Hill in Gaya

and at other places. My paternal grandfather, Rajavallabha Datta,

was the grandson of Madanmohan Datta. Somehow or other

€Rajavallabha lost all of his wealth. Because of this my father,

Anandachandra Datta, gave up his residence in Calcutta and made

his residence in my grandfather’s village, which is situated in

Orissa. Therefore he was not present for my birth in the village

of Birnagar. My father Anandachandra Datta Mahasaya was very

religious, straightforward, and detached from sensual things.

Regarding his beauty, many people used to say that in Calcutta

there was no one at that time who was as handsome.

 

8b. My mother was [called] Srimati Jaganmohini. She was possessed

of intellect, straight forwardness, and devotion to my father; it

can be said that there was no one like her. My grandfather was

robbed of all his belongings, so my father expressed a desire to

go to Orissa. My grandfather said to him, ”You come and see

first, then after some time you can come to Orissa with your

family.”

 

8c. The village known as Choti Govindapur was situated on the

bank of the river Virupa within the district of Cuttack in the

state of Orissa. In that village my father and grandfather had

their residence. His wealth was that village and other villages

close by. When Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh Mahasaya died there

was no heir except for my father. Therefore, all of the property

left by [Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh] became the wealth of my

father. While the vast wealth of my grandfather was undisturbed

there was no desire on the part of my father and grandfather to

secure it. Thus, after the demise of Rai Rai Jagannatha all of

the property remained in the hands of his Khanajat servants, of

whom Ramahari Dasa was the chief. That servant took possession of

everything.

 

8d. At the time my grandfather and grandmother, who were

destitute in Calcutta, went to Chotimanglapur, but Ramahari Dasa,

being disobedient, did not give up control of the property. On

account of that, my father had to go there for almost three years

until the end of the lawsuit. When my grandfather and grandmother

moved from Calcutta to Orissa my father and mother moved to

Ulagram taking Abhayakali, their first born, [with them]. During

the time of their residence in Ulagram my elder brother

Kaliprasanna was born. After remaining in Birnagar a few days my

father went to Orissa and the request of my grandfather. The

servant Ramhari Dasa would not give up the property unless my

father was present.

 

9. Speaking [as above mentioned], my grandfather, Rajavallabha,

requested my father to leave Ulagrama and come to Orissa for some

time. I was only a few months in the womb when my father set out

for Orissa. During the time he was staying in Orissa, my father

received news of my birth. After the litigation was over we took

possession of the property, therefore my father was delayed a

long time from returning from Orissa.

 

10. My mother said that after my birth, she suffered labour pains

for two or three days. When I was [being] born an astrologer sat

€marking the time with an hourglass. Also an English account of

the time was kept.

 

My maternal grandfather had incomparable wealth and a grand

estate. There were hundreds of male and female servants.

 

When I was born I was a good weight. I had an older brother named

Abhayakali, who had previously died. A second brother,

Kaliprasanna, was still living. I was my father’s third son. It

was said that of all my brothers I was a little ugly. But my

mother said, “Very well, let this boy be the servant of the rest,

just let him live a long time.”

 

11. My mother said that when I was eight months old I got a boil

on my thigh and as a result I became weak and emaciated. I also

heard that while I was being carried in the arms of my nurse,

Shibu, down a flight of stairs, I cut my tongue on my teeth. To

this day I have a scar [on my tongue]. This happened around the

time my teeth were coming in.

 

12. When I was almost two years old my father returned to Orissa.

My nurse said that a few days before my father returned I saw a

crow flying [to a perch] and sang a rhyme:

 

kak, kal kal, jhingera phool/ baba aseta, nade baso

 

[O crow, Kal Kal, flower of the Jhinga squash, father comes, sit

aside.]

 

13. As I spoke the crow changed position. Some people nearby saw

this and said, ”Oh, your father must certainly be coming soon.”

It so happened that in a few days my father arrived at our home

in Ula.

 

14. I cannot remember very much up to three or four years of age,

so whatever I write has been told to me. I have some recollection

of going to a school run by Karttika Sarkara when I was three

years old. Even now it comes to mind, that cane he used to show.

The school was situated on a long veranda of my maternal

grandfather’s pooja building. Many of the village boys used to

attend the school. Maheshbabu, my maternal cousin, Kailasa Datta

the son in law of my grandfather, Mahendra Vasu, Syamalal Mitra,

etc. also used to attend. Karttika Sarkara had a very forbidding

nature and we were all very afraid of him. In those days my

mother’s brother Girisha Babu died.

 

15. When I was growing up I was full with curiosity and tried to

see everything. In my grandfather’s house all kinds of festive

occasions were celebrated. Jagaddhatri pooja was celebrated with

much pomp. I can well remember Jagaddhatri pooja being

celebrated, during the night especially. Hundreds of chandeliers

would hang on the pooja house. Bachara would be [observed?]

outside the pooja house. There, lanterns would be wrapped around

all the pillars and columns. All the guards at the doors would be

€dressed in sepoy uniforms. Numerous stout men dressed in golden

embroidered clothes would come from Ranaghat and Santipura. Many

bodyguards and soldiers used to accompany all these men. In terms

of people [the scene] was like a forest of people and in terms of

lights it was like the battle of Kurukshetra. The scene was

filled with fireworks and rowdy pomp. On the first night there

was kshemat and bainat dancing. At that time people would be so

overwhelmed with pleasure they would lose all sight of the

religious occasion. Late at night there would bekabi gana

[singing contests]. At dawn I used to listen, but the kavi wallas

used to scream so loudly that it would hurt my ears. The deity

would be dressed in the best outfits. The eating arrangements

created the greatest pleasure.

 

16. The Durga seva used to be very nice. Everyday in the temple

the goddess Jagattarini, who was very big and made of eight

metals, was worshipped. At the time of Durga pooja the goddess

was brought into the pooja house. I can remember that we used to

have 25 or 30 brahmanas from west [Bengal] come and carry the

goddess to the place of worship and perform the pooja. For three

days the pooja was celebrated with very great pomp. On the sixth

day two types of drums [tak and tol] would be beaten and the

sound would shake the whole pooja house. On the ninth day many

goats and buffalo would be sacrificially killed. On that very day

the ladies of the house would worship the goddess Durga by

carrying incense on their heads in some manner. During the Kali

pooja we young boys would get together and go to the temple. The

stone deity known as Dindayamayi Kali was always present in the

temple named Navachooda. On the actual night of Kali pooja there

would always be great fan fare. Everybody used to enjoy this

occasion, except the goats and buffalo. Most of the Brahmanas and

pandits used to come solely for taste of mutton.

 

17. During the Dola Yatra festival there used to be singing and

various kinds of sport. So much red dye was thrown about that

everything appeared to be red or blood coloured. At this time

even the guards took part in the festival. They would enter the

temple courtyard singing and throwing dye. Because of all their

commotion I would stay a little distance away from them. During

the Dola yatra I used to enjoy watching the festival bonfire

known as Merapora.

 

18. My mother’s brother Girisa Babu passed away and immediately

after this many inauspicious things happened to my maternal

grandfather. Because of excessive expenses mounting up and

swindlers who came, my grandfather fell into much debt. Gradually

his land was lost and his mind became exceedingly disturbed.

Seeing that all his sons had died, in the hope of having a son

again, he married several times on the advice of some wicked

persons. At that age marriage is fruitless, but he could not

appreciate such wisdom due to the influence of the wicked

persons. Because of this and the loss of his wealth he soon

experienced much difficulty.

 

€19. When I was five years old, according to the rule, I was sent

to school. By then my former teacher, Karttika Sarkar, was no

longer in charge. Yadu Sakara and others had successively taken

charge of the school. After some days my younger brother Haridasa

was also enrolled at school. We used to attend school in the

mornings and in the late afternoons. The teacher would come very

early every day. Many children used to read and write there along

with us.

 

20. Amongst this group, those who were a little older used to act

as agents of the teacher and would harass the younger of us. If

we came late to school these older boys would apprehend us. The

rule in that school was: whoever came to school first got hit

with the stick once, whoever came second got hit twice, and

whoever was third got hit three times and the number kept

increasing in this way.

 

21. There was one older boy who the teacher used to beat and in

return he would beat the rest of us. If for any reason you were

absent from school you would face a great scolding [be spat

upon?] on your return. The routine was of this sort: The youngest

students used to write their ka kha ga’s… [abc’s] on talpata

with black coal. After a year they would write their numbers on

banana leaves and after that they made a copy on paper. All the

older boys were taught accounting, which was the work of the

office of the Zamindar. From time to time under the scrutiny of

the teacher we would learn the deliberation of a court. The

youngest boys would lodge a complaint and their witnesses and

evidence would be deliberated [as] in a court.

 

22. In the end there would be the determination of punishment.

All decisions of the court had to have the permission of the

teacher. There were different kinds of punishment: twisting of

ears, slapping, caning, naru gopala and paying a fine; these

methods were employed by our teacher. We saw our teacher as the

personification of Yama, and the older students used to act on

behalf of the teacher as if agents of Yama. Sometimes these older

students would act on their own and sometimes they would arrange

a court on behalf of the teacher. Some boys used to make false

complaints and bring false witnesses to court and other boys

would administer punishment.

 

23. Therefore, as we could see no means to avoid the situation,

we made an effort to keep these older boys pacified. During a

school holiday the older boys once spoke to me, saying, ”O

Kedara, our teacher will have no food tomorrow morning, so bring

whatever nice food you can from your house.” Thus, the next day,

from within our house I stole a little echonra [a ripened jack

fruit] by hiding it under my school books, and these older boys

gave it to our teacher. My teacher [was very pleased] and said,

“This little boy will get knowledge!” The jackfruit was grown at

home, and [when] my nurse [found out about the theft] she came

and scolded [me?] and took the jackfruit back from the house of

our teacher. My mother was extremely angry, and when my teacher

€heard about this he became frightened. He spoke to us and said

that I should only take things that would not be noticed. ”Don’t

bring big things!” The neighbours’ children used to steal tobacco

and give it to him, but in my father’s parlour the servants kept

his tobacco under lock and key. I used to steal soaked chickpeas

and give them to my teacher [instead].

 

24. My brother Haridasa was very angry with this teacher. He

could not tolerate the boldness of the older boys, so one day he

took a machete and entered our teacher’s house after he had eaten

and lain down to sleep. At that time I just happened to be

present, so I threw the machete away and Haridasa fled. Hearing

all the talk our teacher woke up and handed in his resignation

and left home that very day. For that reason, after he left

another person became the teacher. In this fashion I studied

under two or three teachers and eventually began writing on

paper.

 

25. Our method of study was as follows: we would begin in the

morning by standing and loudly reciting the multiplication

tables, addition tables, ‘ganda’ tables, cowrie tables and sona

kas. The older students would recite in a loud chorus. First the

older students would together say, “Four cowries make one ganda.”

Then we in the younger students’ group would immediately repeat

after them, ”Four cowries make one ganda.” The recitation would

proceed in this manner. When it was finished we would sit down

and write it all out. During writing time our teacher would often

declare, ”Say it, say it, then write it.” We would repeat a word

in a loud voice and then write it. In the [resulting] tumult no

one could understand the voice of anyone else. After one prahar

[3 hours] there would be a rice eating break. We would enter

[our home] with rapid steps and have por bhat [a particular type

of boiled rice] and then return to the school within half an hour

and again begin reading and writing. At the end of the second

prahar [at noon] the school would close. We would return to

school after half a prahar [1 1/2 hours]. By the time of evening

sandhya we would again recite the tables then the school would

close for the day.

 

26. Up to the end of my sixth year, whatever instruction I

received was in that school, and all that learning was in

Bengali. I used to learn book keeping. I would write out Sevak

Sripath, but my handwriting was poor.

 

27. At that time an English school opened in my maternal

grandfather’s home. A Frenchman named Dijor Baret from

Chandananagar [also known as Pharsadanga, French Town] became the

teacher there. My mother’s brother’s son, Mahesa Babu, Kailasa

Datta, Mahendra Babu, Rajakumara Ganguli and others used to study

there. At the end of the second prahar when my school was closed

I would go to that English school and study the English alphabet.

 

28. M. Dijor Baret talked to my father and suggested that I and

my elder brother Kaliprasanna be admitted to the English school.

€Seeing my slight attempt to study English he became very fond of

me. Even though this teacher was a Frenchman he liked Bengali

habits and would wear a dhoti and enjoy eating khichari and other

such dishes. Sometimes I used to stay with him. My brothers would

be very restless and simply go away. Sometimes I used to goÜwith

my brothers but mostly I used to like to sit with that English

teacher. On the days when our teacher went to Pharsa Danga [his

home] I would go with my brothers after the time of the second

prahar [afternoon] and play in the gardens and at the khiraki

pushkarani. Entering the water, we would net Khalisa fish in a

cloth. Wandering in the gardens, we would pick ripe mangoes and

eat them. Not far from the mango trees my grandfather had a

circular building.

 

29. We all would play under that building . My father used to

keep a collection of different kinds of caterpillars. He kept the

Korabi, the Akanda, the Kal Kasanda and many other kinds of

caterpillars in a box. He raised them by feeding them the

respective types of leaves. Best of all was the caterpillar which

lived on the leaves of the Ishu Mul tree. When the caterpillars

had grown and become butterflies he would let them go. Sometimes,

in the afternoon, if I saw any of the different types of

caterpillars I would save them and give them to my father.

 

30. At that time there were many beehives in the garden. We used

to break the hives and eat the honey. Eating so much honey would

make our bodies hot and my mother would be able to understand

[what we had done] and would punish us. I was a little

restrained, but my brothers would show no restraint whatsoever.

Oneday the honey bees stung us. My older brother, Kaliprasanna,

was an innocent fellow, but the bees stung him so much that he

had a fever for several days.

 

31. Playing in the gardens, the ponds and the grain shed was not

 

enough [for my brothers, who were inclined to get into trouble].

Seeing this, I left their association, and at midday I would sit

close by the outer gatekeepers.

 

The gatekeepers where western soldiers. They would all eat rotis

made from a whole measure of atar wheat and a whole bati of urhad

dahl, after which they would sit down and eat on cots on the

ground by the front gate. Thereafter, some of them would recite

Tulsidas’s Ramayana. Although the language was unfamiliar [to me]

it sounded very sweet. One day, being charmed by the reading of

one soldier named Srital Teoyari, I asked him to make the meaning

of what he was reading clear. He told the story of the cheating

crow [Bhushanti Kaka]. That story seemed very sweet to me. In the

evening I retold this story to my mother and maidservant. [My

mother was very pleased] and showed her appreciation to Teoyari

by giving me chewing tobacco to bring to him. Out of affection

for me, Teoyari would give me merotis, dahl and kichari. I would

eat them and become very happy.

 

32. From the first day [of my attendance at the English school] I

€would study English with the teacher [in the morning] and in the

afternoon I would again stay near him. As evening arrived we

would enter the bedrooms. There, Mr. Ghosha’s maid and my maid,

who was named Shibu, and other ‘wise’ ladies would come together

and tell many kinds of stories. While taking rest I would listen,

and over and over again I would hear them relate stories of

highway robbery, romance, and tigers etc.

 

33. Sometimes I used to wake up late at night and sit by the

window. At the forth watch [3 A.M.] Officer Naph and Officer

Sannasi would be carrying lanterns in the courtyard and pathways

around the estate and would shout out the watch calls. Sometimes

I used to call Officer Naph over [to the window] and would

question him about many things. Naph was very old but still used

to carry his lantern, stick, club and sword. Previously he was a

prominent dacoit. His residence was at my maternal grandfather’s

estate in the district of Murshidabad. Fearing an attack at some

time by dacoits my grandfather kept many Dvarabans from the west,

stick guards, Muslim guards, and sepoys. Even though [he had all

of these guards] my grandfather gave Officer Naph and two of

three other guards the task of protecting the inner grounds.

Once, when Naph was a Dacoit, during a raid, he [accidentally]

cut off the head of his own guru, and since that time the sound

of ‘Haribol’ always issued from his lips. I used to call him over

to my upper story window and ask him to tell me stories from his

childhood and youth. I was only 6 or 7 years old and could not

understand half of what he told me, but I used to like to hear

these tales.

 

34. My mother was the daughter of a very wealthy man and was not

able to tolerate much labour. The burden of our physical care was

thus entrusted to our maidservant, named Shibu, who looked after

us as if we were her own children. In the morning time she used

to serve us a light breakfast and then take us to school. [Later

in the day] she would bring us rice to eat. At noon she would

find us wherever we were and supervise us while we took milk. In

the evening she would take us home and put us to rest and lay

down herself with us. She would give up her own happiness for our

happiness. Even if her own daughter wanted to take her home, she

would be reluctant to leave us.

 

35. I used to like to watch the doctors make different

medicines. In the outer area [nat mandir] of the temple of the

goddess Dindayamayi the doctors made various kinds of oil based

preparations known as chandana, gurachya, mahavishnu etc. There

were two doctors named Isvara and Umacharan from the village of

Raghunathapur who were paid by my grandfather [to make medicines

and care for our family]. They performed the difficult task of

burning gold and oxidising iron and other metals [to make

medicines]. I used to watch them make preparations out of rabbit

oil and ‘sivaghrita’ [a kind of ghee?] etc. They made loha jvar

by breaking precious stones and mixing them with iron. Their

students would also make different kinds of medicines and study

many books as well.

€

In the hallways of the temple of Dinadaya Mayi there dwelt [a

person] named Vidya Vachaspati who ran a school there. He would

recite many different hymns. He would cook rice and a preparation

of chickpeas, offer it to Kali and then eat it. Vachaspati

Mahasaya had many students. They would study grammar, vocabulary,

and Bhatti [Bhartrihari?]. I used to hear their discussions on

verses like “raveh kaveh kim” etc. Occasionally in the afternoons

I would go to this temple and observe all these things.

 

36. During the afternoon we would go about playing in different

ways within and around the house. Before I was born my older

maternal uncle Karttichandra Mushtophi had died. He had had two

wives. One was known as Ranga Mami and the other as Bari Mami.

Ranga Mami was crazy. Bari Mami used to like me very much. When I

went to her room she would give me nice things to eat and tell me

many stories. Throughout my childhood I had a lot of [dental]

cavities. Sometimes I used to cry all day on that account. Bari

Mami used to tell me that common people thought cavities were

caused by insects, but there was no such thing as insects in

one’s teeth. Cavities were the result of a disease within the

teeth caused by eating sweet and sour things. It was untrue that

‘vedinar’ gypsy women could drive out these insects.

 

Occasionally in the late afternoon I would sit in my father’s

parlour and I would tell stories with him. At sandhya prayer time

it was snack time and he would give me a piece of sandesa to eat.

Most of the time I would stay with my older brother Kali. My

younger brother was known to be naughty and I would stay away

from him. [My younger brother] Gauridas was a very beautiful boy,

but because he was so small he could not stay with us.

 

37. At the time of the birth festival of the goddess Ulachandi

all [the people] of Ula would enjoy themselves. There were many

banyan trees [in Ula]. There was a particular stone covered with

red powder and raised up on an elevated altar that was known as

‘Ulachandi’ [the ‘Doorga of Ula’]. On the full moon night of the

month of Vaisaka Ulachandi pooja was celebrated with great

fanfare. On that occasion two public poojas were celebrated in

two neighbourhoods. One pooja was called Mahishamaddina pooja and

the other in the southern neighbourhood was known as Brihat Durga

pooja. During the Ulachandi worship people used to come to Ula

from near and far and stay with their relatives for three days.

The roads were filled with moving crowds. In each neighbourhood

two bazars were set up and various entertainments would take

place.

 

The buffalo elephant fights were the most entertaining. Numerous

elephants were brought there from many places. The Mukhopadhyayas

had a particularly huge buffalo and the horns of this buffalo

would be covered in iron. One immense elephant would also have

his tusks covered with iron. First there would be an announcement

that the buffalo and the elephant would be set free in the middle

of the town. Some times this buffalo, being very strong, would

€wound the elephants. Sometimes the elephants used to overcome the

buffalo. We would be on the second floor roofs to watch it all.

On certain days we would ride atop our elephant named

Shibchandra, who would carry us to various places for

entertainment [during the festivities].

 

38. In those days there was no suffering at all in Ula. There

were fourteen hundred good brahmana families, and there were many

kayastha and vaidya families too. The Mushtaphi Mahasaya family

was the most wealthy. No one in that village went without food.

One could get on with very little in those days. Everybody was

very happy    people used to sing, make music, and tell nice

stories. You could not count how many jolly [fat] bellied

brahmanas there were. Almost everybody had a good wit, could

speak sweetly and was skilled in making judgements. Everyone was

skilled in the fine arts, song and music. Groups of people could

be heard all the time making music and singing, playing dice and

chess. That village was a very happy place. If anybody was in

need they could go to the home of Mushtophi Mahasaya and get

whatever they required without any difficulty. Medicine oil and

ghee were aplenty. The village was so large that at that time it

took 56 men to maintain it. The good people in Ulagram did not

know the need of finding work in order to eat. What a happy time

it was!

 

39. At that time I never saw any of the villages [beyond Ula.] It

is not possible to compare the excellence of Ula. Not a single

day went by without some festival being observed.

 

40. I lived in this way until I was about seven years of age. My

older brother Kali Prasanna was nines years of age. My brother

Hari was four years old. Around this time a college opened in

Krishnanagar. The king of Krishnanagar, Srish Chandra, wrote a

letter to my grandfather requesting that he send the children to

the college. Whatever deliberations occurred I did not know, but

we heardÜthat my maternal cousin    Mahesa Babu, my older brother

Kali, myself, along with Kailas Datta, Mahendra Vasu and Yadunath

Chandra, would all go to that college. From my point of view I

felt extreme anxiety, and I was unable to exist at night without

my nursemaid. My mother made the decision that our nurse maid

would also accompany us to Krishnanagar.

 

41. We lived in a two story house in the midst of the Bazar in

Krishnanagar. Our sleeping quarters were upstairs and we cooked

on the lower floor. The bazar and the street were at the front

[of the house]. Above the stairs was a statue of Ganesha. There

was a storage room for cooking oil downstairs, more specifically,

to the side of the kitchen rooms. The door was kept closed, but

seeds used to fall through the cracks in the door and we would

fry them and eat them. [Our main diet would be] rice and dahl.

The cooking was done by a brahmana, but his cooking was not good.

From time to time our nursemaid would bring us a light lunch

which we would eat. Sitting on the stairs, we could see into the

room of the oilpress man. He was very old and would sit on a low

€seat. Because he was going to die soon he would have the

Mahabharata read. A seat was arranged for the reader in his

courtyard by means of an auspicious tent [a canopy]. From his

raised platform a speaker would read the Bharata. A garland would

be placed over the head of the speaker, who would from time to

time make his recitation and sing a particular song. I very much

liked to hear the Mahabharata and the stories about Bheema would

especially attract my mind.

 

42. On certain days the speaker would get a lot of things to eat,

and on those days he would be most eloquent. On those days when

he received nothing his heart would be very depressed.

 

Every Saturday we would return to our house in Ula. Hired bearers

would carry us on a palanquin with great haste. We would be very

happy on that day. Mahesa Babu, Kali Dada, and myself would go

together on one palanquin. Soon we would reach our home and after

seeing the feet of my mother we would feel great joy. On Sundays

there would be no end to the stories [we heard]. Very early on

Monday we would go to the residence of Goyara and after eating

we would return to the college.

 

43. [In Krishnanagar] the college was held in the official

residence of the local magistrate. The college had a playing

field and many trees and shrubs, though these days the place has

become something of a jungle. In front of the college was the

main road. Across the road was the local police station and the

heavenly residence of a barrister, the honourable Manmohan Ghosh.

At the present time the chief post office is situated on a

portion of that land.

 

In that residence [where we went to college] we studied [at

first] while sitting on mats. After some time chairs, tables and

benches arrived. An Englishman, Captain Richardson, was the

college principal, and Ramatanu Lahiri was the main native

[Bengali] teacher. Mahesa Dada and Kailash Babu studied in the

second year class, while Kali Dada and I studied together in a

lower class. The king’s son, Bahadur Satish Chandra, studied

along with us. A few days [after our arrival] the son of the king

of Kuch Behar arrived. Gadadhara, Dina Dayal, and others used to

teach us. Master Gadadhara had a swollen neck and a cruel nature.

He used to hit us with a broken piece of slate board.

 

44. Everyone said that I liked to study English. With some effort

and practice I gained prestige in [my] class, and thus my

teachers were kind to me. That year I passed an examination and

got a class promotion and an award. Neither Mahesa Dada, Kali

Dada or any other of our group received any award or promotion.

In Ula an announcement was made that I was the best of the boys.

By [the next] Sunday, at our home in Ula, my fame was broadcast

all over. My [maternal] grandfather showed me a lot of affection

and made me sit near him and take prasada. My father also showed

me special affection.

 

€45. My mother, Bari Mami, and others discussed the news about me

everywhere. At this time my [former] teacher, Dijor Baret, came

[to visit]. He praised me a good deal, but my father stopped him

from praising me in my presence. Hearing all this praise my pride

became much inflated. In my mind [the importance of] my reading

and writing very soon amounted to nothing.

 

46. [As a consequence] I was no longer good in class. Again the

teachers gave me trouble. Using this as an excuse, Mahesa Dada

and others who had been envious of me gave me a very hard time.

When I had been proficient in class everyone became very envious

of me, but now their anger came out into the open. I could no

longer memorize my lessons, and torment came from all sides.

 

47. I would start out to school on the palanquin but would not go

to class. Instead I would stay in the woods until after school

then return home on the palanquin. Some days, on the pretext of

being ill, I would stay at home. One [of our] servants, [called]

Keshi, could understand my suffering and would take my side. At

that time our nanny was no longer in Krishnanagar, for as soon as

it was seen that we were able to live nicely in Krishnanagar she

was kept back in Ula.

 

48. One day Deoyan Govinda Adach came to our house and cooked

mutton. Late that night, after eating the mutton, my brother

Kalidada became ill with cholera. A doctor, Kali Lahiri, said

that his affliction was very serious. We all decided that Kali

and I should leave at dawn and return to Ula, so we two brothers

set out on a palanquin. Kali Dada was sinking gradually into the

illness.

 

49. While crossing the river Anjana I made a lot of effort to

pacify his mind. By eight o’cock in the next morning the

palanquin arrived at Ula. An hour later Kali Dada gave up his

life. The women in the house gave up a cry and I knew that

aÜdisaster had occurred. On that day my uncle had arranged to

feed brahmanas at the house. The feast was being hosted by the

Kayastha community, but now the whole affair had to be called

off.

 

50. After two or three days I learned that I would not be

returning to Krishnanagar. My laxity in attending school was

pleasant news from my parents’ point of view, so I gave up

reading and writing and stayed in Ula. At that time there was no

longer a school in my grandfather’s house.

 

51. At the time I was eight years of age, and this condition [of

no schooling] lasted for about three or four months. During this

time I forgot all the English [I had learnt]. Soon, however, a

few respected gentlemen had a meeting and established an English

school in Ula. There was a small parlour room known as a

‘tutabari’ which adjoined my uncle’s old house, and this is where

the English school was [established]. Babu Hemachandra

Bandyopadhyaya, who was a resident of Halisahar, came and acted

€as headmaster, and Raghava Bhattacharya, who was a resident of

Ula, was a pandit [there]. I was [duly] admitted to the school.

Bhagavan Vasu was the school’s secretary. It was his idea that in

the winter school should begin very early at dawn and that at

other times of the year it could begin later in the day.

 

52. I made some effort and again began learning my A,B,Cs, and my

previous learning quickly returned. On account of this, everyone

considered me a good boy. I thus gained a good reputation and my

honourable teacher showed me a great deal of affection. The

scented tuber rose used to bloom at this ‘parlour’ school, and I

liked its fragrance [vary much]. Cricket was often played at the

school. Oneday the bat struck me on the brow, causing blood to

flow, and since that occurrence I stopped playing cricket. I had

many friends at that school. I excelled in reading and reciting

up to the third level.

 

53. At this time I learned maths and Bengali in the school at the

old house. That old house was under joint authority and the

honourable Mushtophi [my grandfather] had about 20 or 22 living

apartments there. Just inside the [main] door way was a drum

room. At the front was the ‘bodhana tala’ and the ’dola mandap’

and a storage room. Entering the front door, just to one’s left

was the pooja room. The thatched room for the worship of the

goddess Chandi was very beautiful. In front of that was a

courtyard and to the side was a homa area. Facing the front and

left of the Chandi Mandap were twin gabled bungalows.

 

54. Within, the Deity, Krishna Chandra Raya, was gracefully

present. The inner section of the house comprised a four sided

courtyard, [surrounding which] there were many ’antar batis’

[purda areas?]. The outer portion of that [quadrangle] was a

drawing room for the grihapati [the master ofÜthe house]. My

maternal grandfather’s father had his residence in that house.

Giving up the old house he moved into a new dwelling. Even so, my

uncles had equal ownership of the common parts of the house. The

teacher used to teach in the corridor area near the Deity,

Krishna Chandra Raya, and I studied mathematics and other

subjects there for a short time.

 

55. Within a short time the honourable Shyamlal Pran Mushtophi

established a school there. Syamlal Pran Mustophi lived in the

southern part of my grandfather’s house. My grandfather owned one

quarter of that house. Therefore I studied with my teacher in the

house of my own maternal uncle. Even though portions of the house

were owned separately by different relatives one might say that

the house was under one ownership. That dwelling was divided into

four shares. My grandfather owned one share. Syamlal Pran had one

share. Harisha Babu had one share. And Mej Thakurani [my second

aunt] had one share.

 

56. At that time, Syamlal Pran was a civil court officer [a

‘munaseph’] for Hatbar. Later on he became a magistrate [amin] at

Krishnanagar. Harish Babu [who had a share of the old house] had

€no children. [He had?] two nephews, [called] Dashu Mama and

Satakari Mama. They were Rudras from Vamsabad. Their mother was

Gangamani Didi, who was known to be very fond of joking. She

would also check your pulse and prescribe medicine in that way.

Syamlal Babu had two sons, Sayaram Mama and Devendra Mama. Kailas

Datta was their private tutor.

 

57. The teacher at the school of Syamlal Babu was expert at

playing chess. That teacher, [who came] from Burdwan, was very

strict about one’s doing better. He was very expert in the

mathematics of Subhankari, and he put an lot of effort into me

and gave us [much] instruction.

 

58. At this age I was very independent, and I used to go

everywhere with friends my own age. Mahesh Dada went to Calcutta

to the house of his maternal uncle [Kasi Prasada?].

 

In the house in Ula there was gradually less activity, for my

grandfather was becoming encumbered with debt. Somehow he

maintained his status despite [his debts]. But our elephant

Sibchandra died, the horse went, the horse carriage went, and

nothing remained but the goat cart.

 

59. Now the Jagaddhatri pooja and and Durga festival were

celebrated by taking out loans. Even so, 30 to 35 western guards

were employed, and many respectable gentlemen would come and sit

in my father’s parlour. Girish Mukhopadhyaya, Ramesh Raya, Nabin

Bhaduri and other good friends would come and sit. They would

sing different songs. Mohan Datta, who was a drunkard, would come

during the day and begin to sing a lot. When there was recitation

of the Mahabharata, Ramayana etc. at the old house I would go to

hear. I used to like to hear about Hanuman crossing the ocean to

Lanka and about the demoness Simhika. The honourable reader would

speak along with the specific gestures and in my mind a great

love would arise. I would make a regular habit of going to hear

the reading after school. By hearing over and over again the

reading of stories from the scriptures, we learned many things.

At this time my younger brothers Haridas and Gauridas

successively died. There was much grief in the mind of my mother,

and my father fell into deep suffering.

 

61. Thereafter, there was only my sister, Hemlata, and myself.

Our nanny would go around holding Hemlata on her hip and me by

the hand. Because of [the death of my brothers] my mother was

afraid none of her children would survive. [In order to protect

us] she put many talismans about our necks.

 

I would travel about the neighbourhood with my nanny, and going

to school at the old house would see chess and cards being played

in the courtyard’s alley crossing. When one went from our house

to the old house the Mitras’ house was on the left.

 

62. There lived our Choti Didi [youngest aunt] and I would

frequently go there. We had amusing talks outside that house.

€Parasuram Mama and others would play there and I would observe

their play while going to school. [At school] under the direction

of my teacher, I would read and write.

 

63. In whichever house a festival was being held I would go there

and watch. Many poojas were performed in the house of a certain

brahmachari [who resided in Ula]. There was a nice mandir outside

his house and inside there was a garden and homa area. The

worship of the brahmachari was performed according to the

doctrine of tantra. Cups made from skulls were kept hidden away

in a small room [in his house]. Some people said that if you gave

Ganges water and milk to a skull it would smile. I tried to see

this by giving water and milk to a skull but saw nothing. In that

same place was the home of a learned man and I would go there to

hear songs.

 

64. During the Durga festival there would be much eating and

celebration at the homes of brahmanas. Sometimes, in the hope of

getting some nice prasada, I would accept an invitation to eat.

In some homes I would get good dahl along with vegetable curry

and rice. In other homes I would get khichari and dahl cooked

with jackfruit and other things. One could get the best curry at

the house of Visvanatha Mukhopadhyaya. At every house you could

get goat curry. All of the non brahmana residents of Ula would go

to the homes of the brahmanas for three days and get prasadam. No

one would eat at his own house. During the Durga festival giving

food and eating were the highlight and not so much music and

song. In other festivals specific arrangements forÜsong and music

were observed.

 

 

65. To the extent the Mustophi family declined to that extent

the families of Ramanadas Babu and Sambhanath Mukhopadhyaya

increased in prestige. In their homes, during the Jagadhatri

pooja, [their] affluence was exhibited with dance and song. They

had horses and elephants, and at their gates they kept increasing

numbers of western guards. As a man increases his material

possessions he shows off his increase. At night we would go to

their houses to hear the loud celebration of song. In the houses

of Deoyan Mukhopadhyaya and Krishna Mukhopadhyaya Babu I saw that

that was very little fanfare.

 

66. In that village joy was full and thus everyone had a happy

face and was free of worry. Everyone was expert at buffoonery,

therefore many people got a name for being crazy. Many

respectable people were known by names such as Ishe Pagal [Ishe

‘Madman’], Ganga Pagal, Pesha Pagal, Sambha Pagal and so on. They

would go around [both] local and distant places and collect money

by tricky means for the public poojas.

 

67. At nine year of age I went to Jagat Bhattacarya in order to

study astrology. Kailash Datta also was making an effort to

practise this art. I kept notes. Whatever Bhattacarya taught us

we wrote down and memorised and tried to understand.

 

€68. The condition of my grandfather gradually declined. My father

reflected over and over again that his paternal inheritance was

lost and that his inheritance from my maternal grandfather was

insignificant. [He thought,] “What will become of my child?” The

[financial] situation of my father in law’s household was also

miserable. Therefore, he thought, “I should setup my own house in

some other place.” Thinking in this way, he would from time to

time travel to Calcutta.

 

69. Thereafter, my paternal grandfather’s residence was

mortgaged. Chatu Babu from Simla respected my paternal

grandfather and considered him an older brother, thus, after he

had made many arrangements my grandfather received some property

from him. Chatu Babu had the task of bringing him [my paternal

grandfather] to Calcutta, so he personally went to see him at

Mangalpur, which is on the road to Purushottama [Puri]. My

paternal grandfather, Rajaballabha Datta, had a very firm

resolve. He was not willing to come to Calcutta nor move any of

his possessions to Calcutta. Consequently, not being able to do

anything about it, Chatu Babu returned to Calcutta, sending the

news to my father at our home.

 

My father then decided not to accept the property [from Chatu

Babu] without the permission of my grandfather [his father]. To

build a good house in Calcutta or to buy one was very costly,

therefore, considering that it would be very difficult to

maintain their previous prestige with little money, my father

went in a boat with Dijor Baret [the teacher] to Pharasadanga to

see a house, and then he returned. While returning my father met

David Farland, a Satvadhikari [deputy financial officer?], who

was dependent on my maternal grandfather, at Mollahatikuti.

Farland Saheb agreed to let my father have managerial

responsiblity of some property. My father thought that he would

return to my mother in Ula and then acquire some money and buy a

house in Pharsadanga and work with Farland Saheb. But a man’s

thoughts alone produce no result, only what God desires can

endure.

 

71. While this was transpiring, my father’s grandfather’s

property, which was named Ramaparain and was in the district of

Murashidabad, had not had its taxes paid and thus came up for

sale. Hearing of this, my father sent Umacharan Vishvas there [to

settle the matter] with 1500 Rupees obtained from my mother. The

man arrived there just as the sale was going on. The money was

therefore not used in that connection. On the death of my

father’s step mother, Rani Radharani, my father gained control of

six rent free villages. Umacharan Vishvasa learned of this, but

while he was returning to Ula my father died.

 

72. Two of three days after returning from Mollahati Kuti to Ula

my father came down with a fever. By that time my grandfather’s

family had broken up and my father was the only [surviving] son.

Umacharan Kaviraj made medicine [for my father]. My grandfather

[also] gave him medicine made of eighteen ingredients, but

 

€gradually the disease worsened. After eight days there was a

change for the worse. Many people came to see [him]. Many kinds

of medicines were administered.

 

73. Nothing worked. Finally my father was brought from the inner

bedroom and sat on a chair in the Simri room [room with stairs?]

of the Pooja Bati. Haru Mama, Parasuram Mama, Mahendra Mama and

many others began to arrive. At that time it was four dandas. At

dusk, at the time of [his] coming downstairs, my father’s mother

was brought from the rented house of Girish Mitra. She was crying

and crying and falling down saying, ”Where will Babu go?” The

entire house was filled with crying. My father stayed in the

outer building. I stayed with my father all the time. Late at

night I fell asleep. My father was brought to the bank of the

Ganges at Santipur [while I slept].

 

74. I forgot to relate one matter. A year and a half before this

event my father’s mother came from Orissa and lived at my uncles’

house in Sreepur. From there she [went to] stay at the house of

Nabal for a few months. Thereafter, she stayed in Ula at a house

that Girish Mitra rented [for her]. I used to go with my mother

and see her at Nabal’s in Sreepur. When she was with Girish Mitra

I would go and see her daily. Not wanting to be very far from

myÜfather she came from Orissa, where my paternal grandfather

lived, and stayed in her native Bengal. Yoga Pisi [my aunt] came

and stayed with her when she lived in Ula at Girish Mitra’s

house.

 

75. When I rose at dawn I could not see father. There was no one

around. At that time Lalu Chakravarti and Paramesvara Mahanti

had come from Orissa, and they had carried my father to the bank

of the Ganges. Seeing everybody crying, I also began to cry.

My honourable mother, being in anxiety, was crying, and many

people were trying to console her. By the second prahara

everybody returned. Loud sounds of crying filled the house. My

honorable grandfather closed the door.

 

76. Even while father was living I began to become a little

thoughful. ”What is this world? Who are we?” These two questions

were in my mind when I was ten years old. On some days I thought

I had the answers, on other days I had none. Oneday, in the

evening, as the moon was rising, while I was wandering about on

the roof of my father’s parlour, I noticed that the moon was

moving with me. I thought this must be the same moon that we saw

in Krishnanagar, and that this small circular thing exists

everywhere in the same fashion. I previously thought that in

different places there was a different moon. But now, seeing the

moon move, I concluded that it was the same moon everywhere. Some

of the women used to say that the moon  and the sun gods were two

brothers, and would accept invitations to dinner. Their mother

would say, ”Bring some excellent food.” The moon brought sandesa

on the tip of his finger, but the sun brought nothing at all.

Therefore, their mother gave an immortal benediction to the moon

and she pronounced the curse on the sun, saying, “You will dry up

€the urine and stool of the world.”

 

77. After a short time I came to know that these stories of the

women were complete nonsense. I would read the Ramayana,

Mahabharata, Kali Purana, Annada Mangala etc. from Bengali

manuscripts and learned much lore in this way. I would discuss

these edifying subjects with whomever I met who was a little

learned. Haladhara Misra would worship Durga, Kali and Siva etc.

I thought that Haladhara spoke to the gods. One day I asked him

about this matter and he said that sometimes he did talk to them.

I believed him and enquired of him, saying, ”Very well, Mr.

Misra; Vachaspati Mahasaya stays day and night in the deity

house. Is there talk between him and the Diety?” He said, “There

is.” I asked Vachaspati Misra about this conversation. He said

that Haladhara Misra was lying, and that there is no talk between

man and the gods in Kali yuga.

 

78. Vachaspati Mahasaya was fat and learned and I had no faith in

Haldhara Misra. Some days at noon during the second prahara, when

no one was around, I would talk to the moortis at different Siva

temples that were open. There would be an echo only. I thought

that perhaps Siva was teasing me. I would touch Him and then run

away. I reasoned that if Siva was real then he would catch hold

of me, give me some pain or harass me [in some way]. Siva did

nothing and I understood that [the moorti of] Siva had no

substance within.

 

79.-One-day-I-went-to-eat-gamarul-fruit-in-the-garden-near-my-

grandfather’s-parlour.-I-heard-that-a-ghost-lived-in-the-fruit-

tree-and-on-that-day-I-ran-away-in-fear-of-the-ghost.-Another-day-

I-thought-that-if-some-remedy-could-be-effected-then-I-could-go-

and-eat-the-fruit-without-fear-of-the-ghost.-In-the-hot-weather-

the-gamarul-fruit-is-very-tastey.-I-made-inquiries-of-many-people-

about-how-to-deal-with-ghosts,-and-no-one-said-there-was-no-such-

thing-as-ghosts.-Being-very-disturbed,-I-asked-Vachaspati-

Mahashaya,-who-said-that-ghosts-were-a-particular-form-of-living-

being.-Their-form-is-of-the-wind-and-their-eyes-are-like-the-

Kuncha-fruit-[very-small-and-red].-Hearing-the-words-of-

Vachaspati-Mahasaya-I-became-even-more-afraid-of-ghosts.-But-

where-there-is-no-gamarul,-there-is-no-eating.-The-mother-of-

Chiba-was-very-expert-in-the-occult.-She-was-an-exorcist-for-some-

people-and-she-oversaw-the-storage-room-of-my-grandfather.

 

80.-Upon-questioning-her-she-informed-me-that-there-is-no-fear-of-

ghosts-while-one-chants-the-name-of-Rama.-She-called-for-

Jayakali,-and-a-servant-appeared-who-said-the-same-thing.-By-way-

of-experiment-I-went-to-the-site-of-the-Gamarul-tree-calling–the-

name-of-Rama-over-and-over-again,-and-I-saw-no-evidence-of-a-

ghost-in-any-fashion.-Knocking-down-some-fruit,-I-ate-two-

quarters.-I-understood-that-the-name-of-Rama-was-protection-

against–the-ghost.-At-dusk-I-would-always-utter-Rama-Nama.-When-

walking-about-in-the-streets-and-alleys-I-always-chanted-Rama-

Nama.-I-obtained-great-satisfaction-in-my-mind-and-for-many-days-

after-I-took-this-medicine-against-the-ghost.-I-heard-that-a-

ghost-lived-in-the-homa-building.-Uttering-the-name-of-Rama-I-

chased-the-ghost-away-from-the-pooja-building.-Now-I-would-[not-

be-afraid]-to-go-outside-at-dusk.

 

 

81.-There-was-an-old-carpenter-who-made-backdrops-for-the-goddess-

Jagaddhatri.-I-would-go-to-him-and-ask-him-about-many-things.-He-

would-give-answers-to-all-my-questions.-One-time-I-asked-him,-

“When-does-the-goddess-enter-the-statue?”-He-said-that-on-the-day-

when-the-eyes-are-made-the-goddess-resides-in-the-statue.-So-on-

that-day-I-eagerly-went-to-see-the-goddess-come-but-I-did-not-see-

her-take-up-residence-in-the-statue.-I-said-[to-the-carpenter]-

that-Goloka-Pal-made-the-statue-first-with-straw-then-with-clay.-

Thereafter-one-uses-chalk-and-dye.-At-no-time-did-the-goddess-

actully-come.-Then-the-old-carpenter-said-that–the-goddess-

appears-in-the-statue-when-the-brahmanas-chant-the-mantras.-I-

tried-to-see-[her-come]-at-this-time-but-saw-nothing.-Returning-

to-the-house-of-the-old-wise-carpenter-I-asked-him-about-all–

this.-He-said,-”I-have-no-faith-in-the-worship-of-statues.-I-

think-that-these-brahmanas-are-cheating.-They-are-acquiring-money-

by-means-of-social-custom.”

 

82.-I-had-special-regard-for-the-words-of-this-old-sculptor.-I-

asked-him-to-tell-me-about-Paramesvara-and-he-said,-”Let-anyone-

say-whatever-[he-may],-I-have-confidence-in-no-one–but-

Paramesvara.-The-gods-and-goddesses-are-imaginary.-Everyday-I-

worship-the-Paramesvara.”-I-had-faith-in-the-words-of-this-old-

man.-

€

83.-I-became-even-more-inquisitive.-There-was-a-guard,-Golama-

Khan,-who-would-watch-the-door-of-the-Koshadhan-[the-room-where-

the-valuables-are-kept].-I-inquired-of-him-and-he-said-that-God’s-

name-was-Khoda.-He-was-One-and-there-was-none-other.-Khoda-took-

some-stool-[mala]-from-his-own-body-and-shaped-it-into-a-’ruti’-

and-tossed-it-into-the-water-of-the-seas.-The-upper-portion-[of-

that-ruti]-became-the-sky,-the-lower-portion-became-the-earth.-In-

this-form-the-world-was-created-and-in-the-creation-of-Adam-and-

Eve-man-was-created.-We-are-all-the-decendents-of-Adam.-Hearing-

all-these-stories,-I-asked,-”Please-tell-who-Rama-was.”-He-said-

that-Rama-and-Rahim-were-one,-and-He-is-Khoda.-I-then-received-

confirmation-on-the-mantra-for-[repelling]-ghosts.-Golam-Khan-

spoke-about-ghost-and-said-that-all-ghosts-were-sons-of-Satan.-

They-fear-the-name-of-Rahim.-My-thoughts-on-the-truth-[of-the-

matter-of-the-Holy-Name-of-Rama]-were-satisfied.-

 

84.-I-was-meditating-a-good-deal-[on-the-cause-of-the-world-

etc.].-At-one-time-I-thought-that-this-world-was-false-and-that-

Isvara-alone-was-real.-And-I-appeared-to-be-Isvara.-Like-a-man-

dreaming-in-his-sleep-I-[only]-imagined-that-I-was-suffering.-

When-the-sleep-broke-I-laughed-at-this-understanding-of-Isvara.-

Then-I-thought-that-I-alone-was-the-creator.-I-would-frequently-

forget-my-position-and-then-would-fall-into-this-suffering-

condition.-Then-I-thought-that-I-was-Isvara-and-this-was-my-

leela.-By-the-force-of-this-leela-all-mistakes-and-forgetfulness-

would-take-form.-

 

85.-At-the-old-house-lived-the-father-of-Uncle-Parasuram,-Akhil-

Mushtophi.-In-the-morning-he-would-arise-come-and-take-a-seat-and-

read-Vedanta.-Thereafter,-unfastening-his-kacha-[the-back-part-of-

the-dhoti]-he-would-recite-the-Kalma-[a-Muslim-prayer]-After-that

he-would-kneel-down-and-worship-Isvara-[as-a-Christian].-He-did-

not-believe-in-the-clay-gods-at-all.-Many-people-would-say-that-

he-was-very-wise-and-others-would-say-that-he-was-less-than-a-

Christian.-Once-I-went-to-him-and-asked-him-questions.-He-said-

the-Isvara-alone-was-Purusha.-The-Vedas-know-him-as-Brahman,-in-

the-Koran-he-is-Allah-and-in-the-Bible-he-is-God.-I-believed-him.-

He-warned-me-not-to-go-to-Parasuram,-who-was-an-atheist.-

 

86.-His-son,-Parasurama-Mushtophi,-studied-law.-In-the-beginning-

he-had-a-little-faith-in-Isvara.-Later-on-he-refuted-the-idea-of-

Isvara.-While-he-believed-in-Isvara-he-had-two-disciples,-Raghu-

Mama-and-Nasu-Mama.-After-he-gave-up-his-faith-in-Isvara,-Raghu-

Mama-and-Nasu-Mama-accepted-Ramamohan-Raya-as-guru.-I-was-greatly-

confused.-I-was-innocent-and-had-many-questions.-Seeing-all-this-

difference-of-opinion-my-mind-was-not-happy.-Parasurama-Mama-said-

to-me,-”O-baba,-everything-comes-from-Nature.-And-that-is-Isvara-

There-is-nothing-separate-from-Nature.”-Hearing-all-this-talk-

IÜwent-to-the-schools-of-the-Bhattacharyas-to-ask-them-but-what-

they-said-just-confused-me-even-more.-Because-all-the-conclusions-

were-uncertain,-I-never-gave-up-the-name-of-Rama-which-warded-off-

the-fear-of-ghosts.-

 

€87.-I-was-eleven-years-old-when-my-father-passed-away.-I-was-

independant-then.-But-what-would-become-of-me?-I-was-struck-by-

this-thought.-I-could-see-[only]-darkness-in-all-directions.-I-

had-no-blood-relations-who-would-look-aftrer-my-welfare.-At-

school-I-merely-studied-whatever-[they-instructed-me].-You-

[Lalita]-know-what-the-limits-of-reading-and-writing-are-in-a-

village-school.-At-this-time-Master-Hemacandra-Bandyopadhyaya-

left-Ula-and-Ramaachandra-Dasa,-the-pride-of-the-Kaivartta-caste,-

became-the-headmaster-of-the-school.-I-studied-with-care,-but-

there-was-no-one-to-help-me-study-so-my-learning-progressed-very-

little.-Somehow-I-did-reasonably-well-in-literature.-I-studied-

the-fifth-reader,-grammar-and-geography.-

 

88.-Only-in-maths-did-I-do-exceedingly-poorly.-Kanti-Bhattacharya-

and-Lal-Gopal-Ghosh-were-good-students-compared-to-me.-Even-so-

the-teacher-showed-a-lot-of-affection-to-me.-But-I-was-helpless-

and-gradually-I-was-sinking-lower.-I-was-not-able-to-say-why,-but-

I-was-becoming-very-listless-and-from-then-on-was–not-able-to-go-

here-or-there-[as-I-had-previously-done].-In-fear-of-going-to-

school,-I-would-secretly-take-caster-oil-in-order-to-make-my-

stomach-upset.-Again-and-again-my-old-fever-would-come-back.-In-

brief-the-only-[good]-thing-I-can-say-about-this-time-was-that-I-

did-not-fall-into-any-bad-association.-I-thought-about-many-

things-and-tried-to-put-my-thoughts-into-poetry.-At-this-time-I-

wrote-the-Ulachandi-Mahatmya.-That-book-can-not-be-found-now.-

 

89.-After-the-death-of-my-father,-my-grandfather,-being-very-

aggrieved-in-mind,-went-and-lived-in-Bhavanipur.-Having-closed-

and-bolted-the-door-to-the-outer-pooja-building-he-opened-a-

passageway-for-going-the-between-the-outer–building-and-the-

former-building.-I-stayed-in-the-parlour-of-Dasu-Mama,-and-my-

grandfather-cleaned-out-the-chamber-[mahalati]-room-of-the-family-

deities.-Hanuman-Sinha,-Baladeb-Sinha,-Suba-Sinha-and-Sital-

Teoyari-Daraoyan-stayed-there.-

 

90.-Mother-thought-that-my-further-advancement-would-be-

difficult.-She-felt-that-her–husband-and-all-her-sons-had-gone.-

No-property-[wealth]-had-been-acquired-from-the-home-of-[her?]-

father-in-law.-Grandfather-gave-her-the-house-at-Nabala-and-gave-

in-writing-a-share-on-income-from-Dihi-Dukhada-that-was-lost-by-

the-trickery-of-scheming-persons.-Except-for-some-property-at-

Chotimangalpur-she-had-no-wealth.-The-two-gentlemen,-Yaduchandra-

and-Umacharan-Visvas,-made-some-effort-to-assist-in-the-matter,-

but-in-the-end-they-were-not-able-to-help.-

 

91.-Then-I-was-the-only-son-and-Hemalata,-a-seven-year-old-

girl,Üwas-the-only-daughter.-My-nursemaid-was-thinking-many-

things-but-was-not-able-to-ascertain-any-solution-[to-our-

plight].-Everyone-in-the-house-[i.e.-the-servants]-was-

considering-whether-this-boy-[me]-would-live.-The-said-to-her,-

“One-after-another-so-many-of-the-other-children-who-were-like-

Karttika-[strong-and-handsome]-have-died,-so-what-hope-can-there-

be-for-this-ugly-boy-[me]-to-continue-to-live?-Therefore,-if-you-

say-that-your-wealth-is-in-this-boy-you-will-not-survive.”-

€Hearing-these-talks,-my-mother-sold-me-for-9-cowrie-and-my-sister-

Hemlata-for-5-cowrie-to-Dhatri-Mata.-After-a-few-months-my-mother-

heard-that-my-aunt-Mej-undertook-a-marriage-for-my-cousin-Mahesh-

Dada.-

 

92.-Then-she-thought,-“A-marriage-for-my-son-will-bring-a-better-

future.”-Having-said-this,-marriage-negotiations-began.-Some-

negotiations-were-[already?]-underway.-[Mahesh]-Dada-spoke-to-my-

grandfather-[along-with?]-Krishnamati,-the-brahmani-daughter-of-

Krishna-Mukhopadhyaya-who-always-came-to-our-house.-At-this-time-

Jagat-Bhattacharya-Mahasaya-would-assist-our-family-in-many-ways.-

He-shopped-for-us.-On-ekadasi-days-the-brahmana-would-prepare-a-

special-vegetarian-meal-for-us.-

 

93.-Mother-sent-Krishnamati-to-Ranaghat-to-see-the-girl-[in-

question].-The-girl’s-name-was-Sayamani-and-she-was-the-five-year-

old-daughter-of-the-first-wife-of-Sriyukta-Madhusudana-Mitra.-She-

was-the-granddaughter-of-Simhadiga-of-Khismar.-Mitra-Mahasay-was-

very-capable.-He-was-the-financial-officer-of-the-Palacothur-

family-and-he-came-to-see-me-riding-on-a-elephant-and-then-left.-

After-seeing-the-girl,-Krishnamati-came-and-spoke-to-mother-

saying,-”Oh,-your-future-daughter-law-is-so-beautiful.-Even-

though-she-is-a-little-dark-in-colour-I-do-not-see-a-better-

beauty.”-It-was-the-opinion-of-Krishnamati-that-there-was-nothing-

in-this-girl-that-a-man-would-find-objectionable.-Having-

expressed-this-opinion-to-mother-she-would-not-consider-any-other-

girls.-Lala-Gopal-said-that-the-colour-of-this-girl-was-[dark]-

like-a-hookah.-Mother-said,-“Her-forehead-is-auspicious,-that-is-

her-beauty,-what-does-[a-dark]-colour-matter?”

 

The-marriage-was-decided.-Dasu-Mama-acted-as-the-head-of-the-

family.-Nanda-Kumar-began-to-make-the-jewellery.-Stealing-a-large-

ammount-of-gold-from-mother,-he-made-different-kinds-of-ornaments-

[for-the-girl]—-enough-to-cover-her-entire-body.-Dasu-Mama-gave-

the-approval-for-everything.-The-expence-was-great.-

 

94.-There-was-a-pleasure-boat,-a-wedding-palanquin,-decorations,-

lights,-English-music-etc.-The-marriage-was-between-a-twelve-year-

old-boy-and-a-five-year-old-girl-and-was-exactly-like-a-child’s-

doll-marriage.-Drinking-Ganges-water-and-milk-I-arrived-at-the-

house-of-my-father-in-law-with-a-great,-pompous-crowd.-The-

reception-was-very-big.-Many-gentlemen-of-the-Teli-[oil]-caste-

dressed-in-bright-and-varied-clothes-and-wearing-jari-outfits-

came-to-the-reception.-Even-though-I-was-of-such-a-tender-age,-I-

was-able-to-understand-that-except-for-the-Kayasthas-and-the-

Brahmanas-[who-were-dressed-nicely]-the-goodÜclothes-and-

ornaments-did-not-look-well-on-the-others.-I-heard-that-the-

children-of-the-Panti-family-came.-Hearing-the-name-Panti-my-

panti-doll-comes-to-mind.-Even-though-they-were-not-exactly-like-

my-doll,-my-eyes-did-not-see-the-beauty-of-the-panti-children.-

Two-reciters-of-genealogies-read-out-the-family-histories-of-the-

Mitra-and-Datta-families.-

 

95.-Gradually-the-marriage-was-completed.-I-said-that-I-was-not-

€able-to-stay-alone-in-the-house-of-my-father-in-law,-so-my-nanny-

came-and-stayed-with-me.-After-one-night-everybody-in-the-house-

considered-me-just-like-a-son.-The-following-day-the-bride-and-

bridegroom-came-to-Ula.-Everybody-at-the-home-declared-that-the-

marriage-was-like-a-nice-doll-wedding.-Sometime-after-the-

wedding,-news-of-grandfather’s-sickness-and-death-gradually-

reached-Ula.-Mother-went-to-Bhavanipur-with-the-child-bride-to-

see-her-stepmother.

 

96.-Thereafter-we-came-to-Calcutta-by–boat.-In-those-days-

Calcutta-was-a-fearful-place.-Immediately-upon-arriving-my-nose-

was-struck-by-a-severe,-foul-smell.-This-smell-took-away-my-

appetite.-After-residing-in-Bhavanipur-for-a-few-days-we-visited-

many-places-in-Calcutta-and-Bhavanipur.-We-saw-Kalighat.-Being-

exceedingly-disgusted-I-was-not-able-to-appreciate-anything.-When-

we-returned-to-Ula-I-was-the-first-to-leave.-Upon-arriving-in-

Ula,-Mahesh-Dada-[whom-I-considered-an-older-brother],-Meja-Mami-

and-her-brother,-Raja-Babu,–performed-Sraddha-for-my-

grandfather.-

 

97.-After-staying-a-few-days,-Mahesh-Dada-returned-to-Calcutta.-

As-before,-I-remained-in-Ula.-My-reciting-and-hearing–[of-my-

lessons]-was-poor.-I-worried-a-lot.-According-to-the-command-of-

the-older-brother-[Mahesh-Dada]-I-had-performed-the-cow-pooja-on-

the-Bhodga-Hill-and-the-[appropriate]-Deity-worship,-taking-the-

money-from-the-sale-of-coconuts-fromn-the-estate-and-from-what-

ever-little-money-was-sent-[to-us].-The-worship-was-not-good.-I-

was-never-qualified-to-look-after-the-affairs-of-the-********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************-a-few-properties,-all-her-wealth-was-lost.-

At-the-time-my-father-went-to-Murashidabad-he-took-Rupees-1,500-

from-my-mother.-That-money-was-lost.-On-one-other-occasion-my-

father-went-to-extricate-one-of-the-sons-of-Mukherjee-from-some-

difficulty-and-loaned-Rupees-2,500-from-my-mother’s-family-with-a-

security-of-jewellery-[to-that-end].-Most-of-that-money-was-never-

returned.-My-wedding-cost-almost-2,000-Rupees-and-my-mother-paid-

1,000-Rupees-of-the-expenses.ÜYoga-Pish-had-a-debt-and-my-father-

made-the-repayment.-In-this-way-there-were-numerous-expenses-and-

no-money-remained-in-my-mother’s-hand.-I-was-in-complete-anxiety.-

 

 

99.-My-grandfather’s-house-was-huge.-The-guards-were-few,-and-I-

was-afraid-of-thieves-at-nights.-I-thus-gave-the-guards-bamboo-

rods-to-carry.-In-this-regard-I-was-not-lax.-I-began-to-study-

again,-but-I-continued-to-be-very-poor-at-maths.-

€

100.-Mata-Thakurani-sent-Sura-Singha-to-Chotimangalpur.-While-

digging-through-the-floor-of-the-house-in-Chotimangalpur-the-

labhourers-unearthed-an-urn-full-of-gold-coins-and-jewellery.-

[However,]-those-coins-and-jewellery-found-their-way-to-the-tax-

office.-In-the-hope-of-getting-those-coins-and-jewellery-mother-

had-sent-Sura-Singha.-[However]-power-of-attorney-was-vested-in-

Paramesvar-Mahati.-My-paternal-grandfather-[Rajaballabha]-got-the-

coins-by-means-of-that-lawyer-and-paid-off-many-debts.-Therefore-

Sura-Singha-returned-after-some-months-with-some-brass-pots-only.-

Out-of-the-profits-from-[the-sale-of-the-pots?],-Mata-Thakurani,-

heaving-a-sigh-[of-despair]-paid-his-last-few-months-wages.-

Seeing-all-this-I-suffered-greatly.-

 

101.-At-this-time-I-was-about-fourteen-years-of-age.-One-time,-

being-the-husband-of-his-grand-daughther,-I-went-to-the-house-of-

the-Simha-of-Khishma.-In-that-place,-many-men-very-expert-in-

playing-chess-spent-the-whole-time-doing-just-that.-Due-to-eating-

too-much-food-I-got-stomach-trouble.-I-returned-to-Ula-with-

Satkari-Mama.-While-staying-at-Khisma-the-brother-of-our-junior-

aunt,-Yadu-Chandra,-cooked-goat-for-us,-which-we-ate.-At-that-

time,-when-I-met-English-military-men,-I-would-go-and-talk-with-

them.-Seeing-the-finely-dress-English-women-I-was-very-curious.-

When-the-missionaries-came-to-town-I-would-go-and-see-them.-

 

102.-My-maternal-uncle-was-the-famous-Bengali-poet-Kashi-Prasad-

Ghosh,-a-decendent-of-Tulasirama-Ghosh.-He-had-brought-his-family-

by-boat-to-Ula-and-stayed-at-the-home-of-Syama-Prana-Mushophi-

Mahasaya-for-a-few-days.-The-daughter-of-Syamal-Pran-was-his-

wife.-She-was-my-aunt.-I-went-to-visit-Kashi-Prasada-Babu-and-he-

tested-my-ability-to-read-and-write.-Once,-when-I-was-doing-this,-

he-gave-me-a-mirror-as-a-prize.-I-went-into-the-house-to-show-my-

Aunt.-

 

103.-My-aunt-said,-“Kashi-said-that-I-was-intelligent,-but-there-

could-be-no-[worthwhile]-reading-and-writing-in-this-place.-[Ula]-

Come-and-stay-in-Calcutta-and-study-there.”-I-told-this-to-my-

mother.-At-first-she-did-not-agree.-Mother-said,-“I-must-get-the-

advice-of-other-relatives-in-Calcutta,-then-I-will-decide.”-I-

could-see-that-she-was-only-delaying-making-a-decision.-

 

104.-I-went-and-told-my-Aunt.-My-Aunt-then-went-and-reasoned-with-

my-mother,-saying,-”I-will-protect-Kedar-like-my-own-son.”-

Everyone-in-the-house-spoke-to-my-mother,-saying,-”The-boy-will-

not-grow-up-if-he-stays-in-Ula.-You-send-Kedar-to-Calcutta.-Later-

on-you-can-go-and-see-that-the-arrangements-are-good.”-It-was-

then-decided-that-I-would-go-to-Calcutta-to-study.-

 

105.-Kashi-Prasad-Babu-then-left-[Ulagram]-and-with-difficulty-I-

remained,-passing-the-days-until-pooja-time.-The-son-of-Shyamal-

Babu,-Sayaram-Mama,-also-intended-to-go-to-Calcutta-to-study.-

After-the-pooja-season,-during-the-month-of-Agrahayan,-we-left-

for-Calcutta.-I-went-in-their-boat.-Arriving-in-Calcutta-Sayaram-

Mama,-his-mother,-Grandmother,and-Devendrabhrata-rented-a-house-

€in-Bagbazar.-Hari-Ghosh-and-I-stayed-in-the-house-of-Kashi-

Prasada-Babu.-This-time-I-liked-Calcutta-a-little.-The-house-of-

Kashi-Prasada-Babu-was-on-the-north-side-of-the-Heduya-pond.-It-

had-extremely-thick-pillars.-The-neigbhourhood-of-Simla-was-like-

a-village.-On-the-banks-of-Heduya-were-several-missionary’s-

homes,-the-church-of-Krsna-Bandor,-Queens-College,-and-the-

Bethune-School.-The-neighbourhood-was-beautiful.-The-house-we-

stayed-in-was-likable.-Through-the-efforts-of-my-aunt-and-through-

the-mercy-of-Kashi-Babu-I-did-well.-I-was-enrolled-in-the-Hindu-

Charitable-Institution-School.-

 

106.-I-had-many-advantages-in-that-school.-Master-Gagan-Babu-

taught-me-maths-with-great-effort.-Because-of-him-I-understood-

maths-[at-last].-Isvara-Chandra-Nandi-Babu-taught-me-literature.-

What-can-I-say?-I-had-limitless-faith-in-Isvara-Babu.-He-was-

truthful,-controlled-his-senses,-was-religious,-knowledgeable-in-

all-the-shastras-and-was-well-spoken.-Through-his-mercy-I-

prospered.–I-got-first-prize-and-obtained-a-medal-in-the-annual-

examinations.-Under-the-direction-of-Isvara-Babu-I-gradually-

studied-English-literature-and-read-a-good-deal.-

 

107.-Previously-the-suggestion-had-been-made-that-I-should-enter-

college.-But-I-made-as-much-progress-as-could-be-desired-at-this-

school,-and-I-continued-studying-there-for-four-years.-The-

ability-to-compose-in-English-and-write-poetry-gradually-

developed-in-me.-But-all-of-a-sudden-I-fell-ill.-In-the-first-

year-during-the-rainy-season-I-developed-an-illness-caused-by-

salty-water-and-dampness.-I-took-whatever-medicines-were-

available-but-they-were-ineffective.-I-was-troubled-by-blood-

dysentry,-fever,-and-itching-skin-[scabies].-Everyone-said–I-

should-return-to-Ula,-but-I-did-not-like-the-idea-of-returning-

and-giving-up-my-studies.-Just-before-Durga-Pooja-many-gentlefolk–

came-from-Ulagram-to-visit-Kashi-Babu.-

 

108.-With-great-fanfair-was-the-first-Sraddha-of–Kashi-Babu’s-

mother-celebrated.-At-this-time-I-ate-a-pulao-[a-highly-spiced-

preparation-of-fried-rice]–which-simply-increased-my-illness.-I-

was-very-weak.-I-returned-to-Ula-with-the-people-from-Ulagram.-

After-disembarking-we-spent-a-day-at-the-house-of-Visvasa-at-

Khardaha,-and-at-that-place-there-was-much-fanfair.-All-the-

relations-were-gentlefolk.-We-reached-Ula-the-next-afternoon.-I-

am-not-able-to-express-the-indescribable-happiness-[I-felt]-upon-

setting-foot-in-Ula.

 

„janani-janma-bhumis-ca-svargad-api-gariyasi

€

“One’s-mother-and-land-of-birth-are-better-than-heaven.”-I-was-

able-to-understand-the-meaning-of-this-expression.-”Soon-I-will-

see-the-feet-of-my-mother.-I-will-see-the-place-of-my-birth.-I-

will-see-affectionate-Hemalata.”-Thinking-all-these-things-I-

arrived-in-Ula.-Upon-arriving,-there-was-such-joy,-what-more-can-

I-say.-When-my-mother-beheld-my-weak-body,-she-was-extremely-

worried.-My-paternal-grandmother-was-also-very-concerned.-After-

the-death-of-my-father-my-grandmother-came-and-lived-at-my-

€mother’s-house.-She-was-practically-dead-[herself].-[At-least]-

once-a-day-she-would-loudly-cry-out-the-name-of-my-father.-I-saw-

that-Hemlata-had-blossomed.-

 

110.-After-thinking-a-good-deal-about-my-complicated-illness,-

mother-spoke-with-a-leather-worker.-He-said-he-would-bring-a-the-

following-morning-and-that-he-would-cure-me-by-means-of-

exorcisim.-I-waited-in-the-morning-and-a-very-dark-man-of-the-

leather-working-caste-[a-muchi],-who-previously-[I’d-seen]-

playing-the-tol-drum,-named-Fakir-Chanda-arrived.-Using-the-

leaves-of-the-Bakash-he-performed-the-exorcisim-and-then-gave-me-

gura-leaves-to-eat.-Then,-[coming]-close-to-me,-he-gave-me-a-

mantra-and-asked-me-to-utter-it-regularly.-[He-told-me]-all-would-

be-revealed-in-a-dream.-He-asked-my-mother-to-cook-only-

vegetarian-food-for-me.-

 

111-112-He-said-to-eat-rice-cooked-with-ripe-tamarind.-This-was-

the-prescription.-After-two-days,-while-I-slept,-I-dreamed-that-a-

blacksnake-went-out-from-my-body.-In-the-morning-I-related-this-

to-the-fakir.-He-said-that-all-danger-had-passed.-“Now-you-do-not-

have-to-follow-the-regulations.-Go-and-take-a-bath-and-then-eat.-

But-continue-to-utter-the-mantra.-Within-two-or-three-days–your-

illness-will-be-entirely-cured.”-I-then-went-and-ate-heartily.-

But-the-fakir-declared,-”You-must-not-eat-any-meat,-and-by-the-

strength-of-your-mind-you-should-call-upon-the-Satya-Purusha-[the-

Supreme-Person].-Neither-should-you-eat-any-demigod’s-prasada.-

You-should-not-worship-any-demigod.”

 

My-illness-gradually-became-health.-The-fakir-said,-”Come,-you-

should-approach-your-Gurudeva!”-I-went-with-a-happy-heart.-The-

residence-of-the-fakirs-was-in-the-Muchi-area-of-Beledanga.-

Gurudeva-was-also-a-Muchi,and–previously-he-had-made-shoes.-

Gurudeva-had-several-rooms.-He-stayed-in-one-room-in-the-temple-

of-meditation-and-was-sitting-there-[when-I-arrived].-He-was-on-a-

raised-clay-veranda-when-I-went-and-offered-prostrations-to-him.-

He-bestowed-[his]-blessings-on-my-body-with-his-merciful-hand-and-

gave-me-four-pieces-of-muraki-[puffed-rice-with-molasess],-which-

I-ate-with-confidence.-Gurudeva-then-said,-”Your-illness-is-

completely-healed?”-I-said,-”The-disease-is-completely-gone,-but-

the-itching-does-not-leave-me.”

 

113.-Then-Gurudev-gave-the-order,-”Beat-Kalu-raya-and-Dakshina-

Raya.”-Immediatley-upon-hearing-this-order-the-fakir-took-a-

newÜbroom-and-on-a-raised-stone-began-to-beat-Kalu-Raya-and-

Dakshina-Raya.-Some-emotion-began-to-rise-in-Gurudev-and-he-began-

to-cry-and-cry,-and-sang-this-song:-“Once-upon-a-time-the-feet-of-

man-began-to-sweat,-therefore-the-Ganga-began-to-flow.”

 

114.-When-his-emotions-[bhava]-subsided-he-commanded-me-saying,-

“Today-your-itching-will-become-better.-At-night,-whatever-you-

dream-you-should-come-and-tell-[me]-in-the-morning.”-Amazingly,-

during-the-night,-my-sores-almost-all-dried-up.-In-the-night-I-

dreamt-that-I-put-calcium-powder-on-the-sores.-In-the-morning-I-

related-my-dream-to-Gurudev-and-he-gave-an-order-[that-I-was-to-

€be-given]-calcium-powder.-I-used-the-powder,-and-after-three-days

my-sores-were-all-gone.

 

Now-I-began-to-eat-good-quality-food-and-my-body-began-to–fill-

out.-Gradually-my-strength-and-boldness-increased.-Oneday,-

Gurudev-showed-me-mercy-by-changing-the-mantra-[given-to-me]-and-

gave-me-a-more-appropriate-mantra.-Daily-I-chanted-this-mantra-

with-devotion.-I-dreamt-many-kinds-of-dreams.-Whatever-was-on-my-

mind-during-the-day-that-I-dreamed-about-at-night.-Gurudev-gave-

me-the-order-to-heal-others’-disease.-And-that-I-attempted-to-do.

 

115.-I-would-go-to-Gurudev-daily,-at-any-time-[I-wished].-His-

name-was-Goloka.-Oneday-he-said-to-me,-“O-Kedar-Babu,-our-dharma-

is-very-pure.-No-harm-[should-be-done]-to-any-Jiva.-One-should-

not-worship-any-demigod.-One-should-be-kind-to-others-and-[be-of]-

good-conduct:-these-are-the-foundations-[of-our-creed].-

Previously,-Prabhu-Aul-Chanda-preached-this-dharma-by-means-of-

twenty-two-fakirs.-Those-twenty-two-fakirs-established-themsleves-

in-tweenty-two-places-and–each-extended-the-sampradaya.-Among-

them-one-Ramasaran-Pal-of-Ghosh-Pada-also-preached-but-his-

actions-were-improper.-Our-own-original-fakir-established-the-

sampradaya-at-the-village-of-Gontra,-and-his-teachings-were-good.

 

“We-do-not-accept-any-Jati-titles.-Whatever-is-[generally-

considered-to-be]-muchi-is-suchi-if-it-is-used-for-Krishna,-and-

whatever-is-[generally-considered-to-be]-suchi-is-muchi-if-it-

separate-from-Krishna.-There-is-no-fault-in-being-married,-but-

one-should-be-sexually-united-with-one’s-wife-only-once-in-a-

month-—more-frequent-contact-than-that-is-not-good.-To-the-

extent-that-semen-is-retained-within-the-body-to-that-extent-it-

is-beneficial.-According-to-our-teachings-Radha-and-Krishna-are-

the-true-couple.-Even-though-They-are-a-pair-they-are-one.-Though-

They-appear-to-have-form-in-fact-They-[have-no-material-form].-

They-are-like-a-Lord-and-[His]-Lady.-The-doctrine-that-this-

couple-is–the-pure-male-and-female-is-very-auspicious.-Man-

should–be-like-this—-like-a-god-and-goddess-—immortal.-O-

Kedar-Babu,-mercy-has-been-bestown-on-you;-very-soon-you-will-

know-the-truth-of-the-divine-couple.”

 

116.-I-discussed-all-these-matters-to-some-extent-with-others-and-

learned-that-our-fakirs-were-Karta-bhaja-[a-sect-devoted-to-Sri-

Chaitanya].-In-comparison-with-the-Ghoshpara-their-behaviour-was-

very-good.-Be-that-as-it-may,-I-hadÜfaith-in-the-mantra-and-

[their]-doctrines.-Even-though-Gurudev-was-a-muchi-I-had-no-lack-

of-faith-[in-him].-Oneday-he-said,-“Soon-the-village-of-Ula-will-

be-mostly-destroyed.-The-people-would-die-from-fever-and-disease.-

How-will-the-people-remain-in-such-a-village?”

 

117.-My-ill-health-had-improved-and-my-wife-was-brought-to-Ula.-

Mother-then-said,-”Arrange-the-marriage-of-Hemalata.-You-go-to-

Calcutta-and-take-me-[with-you].”

 

At-the-time-I-took-mother-and-Hemalata-to-Calcutta.-Having-

brought-them-there-we-stayed-at-the-house-of-Kaliprasanna-Datta-

€[my-mother’s-paternla-uncle]-in-Simla-[north-central-Calcutta].-

Grandmother-remained-in-Ula.-By-winter-my-sister-was-married-and-

they-returned-to-Ula.-During-the-rainy-season-I-again-got-blood-

dysentry.-I-had-it-in-my-mind-to-go-to-the-fakirs-in-Ula-for-the-

purpose-[of-getting-cured],-but-I-had-been-at-fault-breaking-the-

rules-a-little-and-so-was-not-able-to-go-to-them.-I-had-been-

eating-fish,-meat-and-demigod-prasada-and-so-the-power-of-the-

mantra-was-defeated.-[I-was]-like-an-elephant-which-takes-a-bath-

[and-then-throws-dust-upon-its-body],-so-what-was-the-use-of-

another-mantra?-This-time-I-took-the-medicine-[given-by]-a-doctor-

named-Isvara.-Within-in-month-my-illness-was-gone.-Isvara-was-

very-expert-in-determining-illness-through-reading-the-pulse,-but-

he-had-a-bad-name-because-he-did-not-have-any-medicine.-In-curing-

me-to-a-large-extent-his-bad-name-was-removed.-

9[…………………………………………]011

 

119.-By-the-third-year-in-Calcutta-I-had-made-a-lot-of-progress.-

I-wrote-in-English-a-little-for-the-newspaper,-Hindu-

Intelligencer-of-Kashi-Babu.-He-edited-all-that-I-wrote.-An-

associatation-was-started-and-I-gave-some-lectures-in-English.-At-

that-time-Krishnadas-Pal-and-Shambhu-Mukhopadhyaya-came-and-made-

friends-with-Kasi-Babu-and-afterwards-began-to-write-for-the-

Intelligencer.-Shambhu-was-a-satirist.-He-employed-many-sharp-

words-and-after-sometime-his-writing-was-no-longer-pleasing.-From-

the-beginning-Krishnadas-wrote-essays.-Gradually,-as-I-improved,-

I-joined-them-in-writing.-

 

120.-In-1855-there-was-the-Sanotal-uprising-and-the-newspapermen-

wrote-a-good-deal-on-the-subject.-I-read-the-papers.-I-had-never-

seen-the-Sanotal-district-but-I-thought-that-they-were-becoming-

prominent-and-forming-a-new-jati-[caste]-like-the-Hans-and-

Bhantal.

 

On-Sundays-some-of-us-from-our-place-used-to-go-and-see-monuments-

and-Barobazar-and-the-Seven-Pond-Gardens-in-Calcutta.-I-was-

unable-to-get-to-know-all-the-[multitude-of]-alleys-and-side-

streets-in-Calcutta.-Even-so,-we-would-wander-about-and-go-to-

different-societies-like-the-Free-Debating-Club-etc.-On-the-

strenght-of-my-little-learning-I-did-thought-that-no-one-[but-me]-

had-any-knowledge.-

 

121.-In-that-year-Mahesha-dada-and-Mej-Mami-went-and-stayed-in-

Ula.-Having-opened-the-interior-door-which-had-been-bolted-by-

grandfather,-Mahesh-Dada-[set-up-residence]-in-the-parlour.-

Shital-Teoyari-and-Hanuman-Simha-became-gaurds-at-the-main-door-

once-more.-All-in-the-house-were-happy-because-there-was-going-to-

be-a-legal-settlement-with-the-opposing-paty.-When-I-returned-

home-for-the-pooja-holiday-I-was-very-happy.-I-stayed-in-the-

parlour-of-Baro-Dada.-All-of-my-former-friends-would-come-and-

talk,-and-I-went-to-see-my-old-school-for-half-a-day.-

 

122.-I-would-go-and-wander-about-my-old-house-and-my-friends-

houses.-It-seemed-that-all-of-Ula-was-faring-well.-After-the-wife-

of-Baro-Dada-came-to-Ula-mother-brought-my-wife.-My-wife-was-very-

small-in-those-days-and-we-would-play-together-like-children.-

€

123.-At-the-end-of-the-school-break-I-returned-to-Calcutta.-While-

I-was-staying-in-Ula-with-my-former-friends-I-discussed-many-

topics-regarding-the-Supreme-Controller-[Isvara].-Uncle-

Parasurama-had-no-faith-in-the-Lord-at-all.-At-the-time-I-came-

back-to-Calcutta-I-studied-all-manner-of-English-books-on-

philosophy.-One-by-one-I-read-all-the-books–in-the-library-of-

Kashi-Babu.-My-teacher-Isvara-Babu-helped-me-a-lot-with-my-

reading.

 

124.–I-first-enrolled-in-Hindu-School-in-the-year-1856.-The-

Headmaster-was-Babu-Mahesh-Candra-Bandyopadhaya-and-Isvara-

Chandra-was-my-history-teacher.-Mahendra-Soma-taught-mathematics-

to-me.-That-year-the-University-[was]-started.-College-classes-

were-held-in-Presidency-College.-The-senior-classes-of-Hindu-

School-were-held-in-the-west-wing,-Sanskrit-College-was-in-the-

middle-section-andÜJunior-classes-were-held-in-the-eastern-wing.-

 

125.-In-our-class-were-Satyendra-Nath-Thakur,-Ganendra-Nath-

Thakur-and-Nabagopal-Mitra-and-many-others.-For-a-long-time-I-was-

inexpert-at-mathematics-though-in-other-subjects-I-did-very-well.-

At-that-time-entrance-examinations-were-first-begun.-I-had-so-

much-competence-in-literature-that-I-was-respected-by-the-

teachers-and-the-whole-class.-I-began-to-write-poetry-which-came-

to-attention-of-the-teachers-and-gradually-came-to-the-attention-

of-the-principal.

 

126.-At-that-time-Keshava-Candra-Sen-was-a-Hindu-boy-and-he-

studied-in-the-class-above-me.-He-was-also-not-very-good-at-Maths

and-there-was-no-chance-of-[his]-passing-in-that-class.-

Therefore,-being-strong-in-knowledge-of-literature,-he-

established-a-sabha-called-the-British-India-Society.-English-

professors-and-Reverend-Dal-used-to-attend-the-sabha.-Because-I-

had-a-little-literary-knowledge-Keshava-requested-me-to-become-a-

member-of-the-sabha.-

 

127.-At-this-time-gas-lighting-was-introduced-in-Calcutta.-One-

evening-Kashi-Babu-and-I-went-to-Narikel-Place-to-see-the-gas-

company-offices.-Many-dignitaries-were-invited-to-see-the-first-

use-of-gas-lighting.-Prasanna-Kumar,-Thakur-Ramaanath-Thakur-and-

many-others-came.-Everyone-was-thrilled-to-see-the-gas-lights.-

 

128.-Sarasvati-pooja-and-Jhoolan-Yatra-were-celebrated-at-the-

house-of-Kashi-Babu-and-I-went-there-to-see-and-hear-the-dramas-

on-several-occaisions.-At-lot-of-luchi,-kachuri,-ksheera,-and-

mohan-bhoga-was-eaten.-Madan-Mastar-and-Dugo-Ghadel-were-[among-

the]-musical-dramas-that-I-went-and-heared.-I-had-very-little-

knowledge-of-music,-but-I-liked-to-hear-a-song-sung-with-emotion-

very-much.-

 

129.-In-those-days-I-was-able-to-eat-a-lot.-When-I-went-to-the-

garden-to-Kashi-Babu-[to-his-house?]-I-would-do-a-lot-of-eating.-

Some-days-I-would-eat-a-lot-of-phuti-[a-variety-of-green-melon]-

and-gour-[jaggery].-Some-days-I-would-eat-a-lot-of-chatu[a-[a-

€chickpea-dish],-on-other-days-I-would-eat-a-pana-[20-gandas]-of-

mangoes.-Everybody-would-be-amased.-My-body-was-very-thin-even-

though-I-ate-so-much-and-everybody-was-very-puzzeled.-O-Lalu-

[Lalita],-that-rajavallabha-batika-[a-pill-for-increasing-the-

appetite]–you-used-to-make,-with-the-help-of-[such-medicine]-I-

increased-my-appetite-for-a-long-time.-At-that-time-in-the-hot-

season-Kashi-Babu-and-his-family-lived-in-the-gardens.-I-often-

walked-from-Pak-Para-[a-district-in-Calcutta—-Paik-Para-Road?]-

as-far-the-college-at-Patal-Danga.-

 

130.-There-was-[then]-a-great-commotion-over-cholera,-but-even-so-

I-was-not-averse-to-coming-and-going.-From-1854-[onwards]-I-made–

aquaintance-with-my-blood-relations-[by-studying-genealogy?].-

Kali-Prasanna-Dada-helped-myÜby-giving-me-an-old-book-[on-the-

subject].-Kaka-Bhola-Natha-Babu-began-to-make-money-at-that-time-

and-he-helped-by-giving-money-to-me-for-my-tuition.-I-went-boldly-

from-the-Hindu-School-to-take-the-entrance-examinations-[to-

university?],-the-examinations-being-held-in-the-town-hall.-On-

the-first-day-my-fever-came-on-me-in-the-town-hall.-Therefore,-I-

was-not-able-to-take-the-examination.-

 

131.-Seeing-that-school-[did-not-provide-a-proper]-opportunity-to-

study-I-began-to-acquire-knoweledge-in-another-fashion.-Everyday-

I-wouold-go-to-Metcalf-Hall-and-read-books.-At-that-time-Sriyukta-

Abhaya-Kada-was-the-secretary-there-and-Pyari-Charan-Mitra-

Takhakar-was-the-librarian.-I-gave-lectures-at-many-sabhas.-I-had-

learned-discussions-with-Padre-Dal-and-George-Thompson.-Thompson-

Saheb-gave-instructed-me-on-how-to-become-a-good-speaker.-

 

132.-He-said-that-while-he-was-going-from-the-village-[he-resided-

in]-to-the-parliament-he-would-stand-in-the-open-fields-and-

imagining-the-plants-to-be-the-members-of-parliament-he-would-

freely-speak-to-them.-Because-of-practising-in-this-fashion-he-

became-such-a-sweet-speaker-that-evberyone-would-be-pleased-upon-

hearing-him.-On-the-day-that-he-told-us-that-story-Nabagopal-

Mitra-and-Keshava-Sen-were-present.-Keshava-said-that-by-talking-

to-simple-little-children-[as-had-Thompson?]-I-would-begin-to-

speak-in-that-fashion-[?].

 

133.-By-the-end-of-1856-I-had-written-the-first-part-of-Poriyed.-

Gangacharan-Sen-Mahasaya-read-it-and-liked-it-very-much.-On-his-

advice,-I-subsequently-published-the-book-in-two-parts.-After-

reading-the-work,-the-Reverend-Duff-said-that-I-had-done-very-

well.-He-said,-”Write-in-the-same-fashion-in-English-about-the-

cruelty-of-the-Zamindars.”-I-realised-that-this-was-not-a-good-

idea.

 

At-that-time-I-read-all-of-Milton-with-the-help-of-Reverend-Duff.-

Near-the-Krishna-Bandor-[Street?]-church-lived-a-missionry-named-

Grub-Saheb.-In-the-evenings-Raju-Basu-of-Ula-used-to-come-to-his-

house-and-read-Edison.-I-also-with-him-went-and-read-Edison.-Day-

and-night-I-would-read-the-books-of-Carlisle,-Haslett,-Jeffrey,-

Macauley-and-others.-I-composed-short-poems-and-they-were-printed-

in-the-Library-Gazette.-I-was-known-as-Mr.-ABC.-

€

134.-Oneday,-having-invited-me-through-Dal-Saheb,-Mrs-Locke-

looked-over-my-poetry-and-read-it.-After-chatting-with-me-[for-

some-time]-she-praised-my-poetry-and-accepted-my-book-of-poetry,-

which-I-dedicated-in-her-name.-

 

135.-Before-the-entrance-examinations-I-went-to-Ula-with-Raju-

Basu.-After-spending-the-night-eating-in-the-Mitras’-house-we-set-

off-in-a-boat-during-a-great-storm.-There-was-much-fear-on-the-

Ganges-in-the-dark-night.-The-next-day,-by-the-mercy-of-God,-we-

reach-the-ghat-at-Ula-without-mishap.-In-the-late-evening-in-the-

month-of-Asvin-the-light-of-the-moon-was-very-splended-there.-

Prior-to-that-evening-I-had-received-no-news-of-Ula.-From-the-

time-of-Ashat-in-that-year-in-the-village-of-Ula-thereÜwas-a-

fearful-epidemic.-In-the-month-of-Bhadra-the-family-of-Mahesh-

Dada-being-ill-had-come-to-Calcutta,-but-had-not-said-anything-to-

me.-In-the-month-of-Bhadra-in-a-terrible-fever-my-sister-Hemalata-

gave-up-her-life,-but-I-had-received-no-news-of-her.-My-wife-was-

ill-so-she-was-sent-to-Ranaghat.-What-could-I-do-in-the-night-but-

think-I-should-go-to-the-house?-Raju-said,-“Go,-I-will-give-you-a-

man-to-accompany-you-to-your-house.”

 

136.-Upon-disembarking-I-saw-some-people-who-were-laughing-and-

joking-being-mad-with-the-happiness-which-comes-from-

hopelessness.-The-village-was-empty.-As-they-were-under–the-

influence-of-Ganja-they-perceived-no-suffering.-I-questioned-them-

but-they-gave-no-answers.-Raju-and-I-were-amazed-by-the-sight-of-

them.-Departing-from-the-boat,-we-went-to-the-house-of-

Madhusudan.-When-we-looked-through-the-door–we-saw-Madhusudhan-

Basu-sitting-on-a-low-wooden-seat.-I-paid-respects-to-him-and-he-

addressed-me,-saying,-”O-Kedar-stay-here-for-the-day;-in-the-

morning-you-go-to-your-house.”

 

What-was-I-to-make-of-this?-I-said-to-myself,-”I-will-go-to-the-

house-this-very-day.”-I-heard-directly-from-him-that-an-epidemic-

had-killed-many-people-in-the-village-and-some-people-of-our-

house-had-died.-I-went-there-quickly,-taking-a-man-skilled-in-

stick-fighting.-

 

137.-While-on-the-way-this-man-described-the-horrible-state-of-

the-village.-He-said,-”Mahesh-Babu-became-ill-and-went-to-

Calcutta”,-[but?]-he-did-not-say-what-had-happened.-The-main-door-

[of-the-family-residence]-was-open.-I-called-and-called-many-

times,-when-from-the-deity-house-Sital-Teoyari-spoke,-saying,-

“Babu,-go-inside-the-house.”-I-felt-very-sick.-I-was-unable-to-

stand-up.-I-went-to-the-pooja-house-and-calling-repeatedly,-until-

Sej-Didi-came.-She-opened-the-door-and-brought-me-into-our-room.-

She-was-crying-and-crying-and-said-that-Hemlata-was-no-more.-Your-

mother-was-very-sick.-Upon-entering-my-mother’s-room-I-discovered-

that-mother-had-been-delwrious-with-fever-for-the-past-ten-to-

twelve-days,-but-on-this-day-she-was-a-little-better.-

 

138.-Seeing-me,-mother-and-grandmother-began-to-cry.-In-sorrow-I-

said,-”Today-we-will-leave-Ula.”-During-the-night-I-did-not-eat-

€or-drink-and-I-slept-only-a-little.

 

When-I-rose-in-the-morning,-I-consideredwhat-to-do.-I-heard-that-

all-the-maids-had-died.-Only-one-servant-remained-to-bring-water.-

In-the-morning-I-went-to-see-Sayaram-Mama-and-Dasu-Mama-and-

others-at-their-house.-Dasu-Mama-said,-”Go-to-Calcutta.-I-will-

give-you-a-man-and-a-boat-etc.”-Sayaram-Mama-was-taking-Quinine.-

I-brought-two-or-three-packets-of-medicine-and-from-that-day-I-

began-to-take-it.-

 

139.-I-came-to-the-old-house-calling-to-Haru-Mama-and-Parasurama-

Mama.-Because-they-wanted-to-come-[with-me]-they-began-to-sell-

some-of-their-things.-Jagat-Bhattacarya-Mahasaya-brought-a-boat-

and-set-out-with-us-on-the-journey-on-the-third-day.-The-day-

before-we-set-out-I-went-to-many-places-in-Ulagram.-In-a-great-

number-of-homes-there-were-no-people-[left-alive].-At-some-homes-

there-was-[heard]-the-cry-of-pain-of-those-who-were-sick.ÜAt-some-

homes-there-were-bodies-lying-around.-At-other-homes-there-was-

little-life.-Others-were-making-preparations-to-leave-Ula.-Many-

had-already-left.-It-was-the-time-of-Durga-pooja-but-there-was-no-

happiness-[anywhere].

 

140.-Where-thousands-of-people-would-sit-together-and-take-

Prasada,-nobody-could-be-seen.-Though-there-were-eighty-to-a-

hundred-places-of-the-image-of-Durga-there-was-only-five-or-six-

poojas-[being-performed].-Everybody-said-that-at-the-house-of-the-

Brahmacari,-Kailas-Brahmacari-had-caused-the-disease.-He-then-

released-a-goat-for-the-purpose-of-removing-the-cause-of-the-

disease.-As-far-as-that-goat-ran,-that-far-the-cholera-subsided.-

The-simple-and-crazy-people-of-Ula-concocted-this-story-and-they-

all-began-to-believe-it.-It-was-also-reported-that-two-people-

came-to-Ula-to-practise-medicine,-but-after-two-or-three-days-

they-also-had-fallen-in-the-grip-of-death.-The-fever-was-fearful.-

Whoever-gotthe-fever-died-within-four-or-five-hours.-I-heard-that-

during-the-months-of-Asat-and-Sravan-the-fever-was-not-very-bad,-

butin-the-month-of-Bhadra-it-was-fearful.

 

141.-Taking-the-boat-and-arriving-[at-last]-at-the-ghat-at-

Ranaghat-I-received-news-of-my-wife.-I-heard-that-my-wife’s-

disease-had-changed-for-the-better.-Merely-getting-this-news-we-

continued-to-Calcutta.-Upon-arriving-in-Calcutta-mother-stayed-at-

the-house-of-Kalikrishna-Kaka.-We-my-paternal-grandmother-there,-

and-my-mother-was-taken-to-the-house-of-my-aunt,-who-would-care-

for-her.-She-made-a-lot-of-effort-and-[took]-medicine,-and-she-

[mother]-gradually-became-well-there.-Grandmother-became-sick-

while-on-the-boat.-Through-the-efforts-and-love-of-Kali-Kaka-she-

gradually-became-well-but-later-a-stomach-ailment-and-fever-

returned.-At-that-time-I-was-seventeen-years-old.-I-suffered-

terrible-hardships.-There-was-no-money.-There-was-no-one-to-

converse-with.-Everybody-thought-that-my-mother-had-almost-a-lakh-

of-Rupees.-

 

142.-I-said-that-we-had-only-very-little-but-no-one-believed-us.-

At-this-time-I-studied-on-my-own-for-the-entrance-examinations.-

€Grandmother-lived-in-one-place,-and-mother-in-another-place;-

there-was-no-money-and-all-the-time-I-was-overwhelmed.

 

Seeing-sickness-all-around-I-was-not-able-to-study.-I-thought,-“A

man-can-not-study-amidst-such-difficulties”.-At-this-time,-thrice-

in-succession,-I-had-fevers.-The-last-time-Kaliprasanna-Dada-

brought-me-quinine-which-I-took-and-became-well.-I-went-to-take-

the-examination-but-the-fever-again-prevented-me.-I-saw-no-hope.-

My-mind-became-apathetic.-The-house-was-empty,-there-was-no-

money,-and-I-had-no-strength.-Where-were-my-family,-where—-my-

illness,-the-impossiblity-of-study—-darkness-in-all-directions.-

Grandfather-and-grandmother-were-both-from-famous-families;-

knowing-this-fact-I-sufferred.-Soley-to-console-my-sufferring-I-

would-sit-and-talk-with-friends-my-own-age.-Everybody-thought-

that-I-was-the-son-of-a-very-rich-person-and-that-I-had-no-

financial-needs.-I-was-dying-of-pain-in-the-heart.-I-did-not-

speak-much-to-anyone.-I-would-attend-meetings:-I-listened-and-

spoke-freely-from-my-heart-[as-diversion?].-

 

144.-Nobody-could-understand-the-feelings-in-my-heart.-I-ate-at-

the-house-of-Kasi-Babu-but-had-discussions-on-books-at-the-houses-

of-friends.-Frequently-in-the-evenings-I-visited-the-home-of-

Sriyuta-Debendranath-Thakur,-which-was-called-Jora-Shanko-[the-

Tagore’s-family-mansion]-.-The-honourable-Dvijendranath-Thakur-

was-the-older-brother-of-my-friend-Sriyuta-Satyendra-Nath-Thakura-

and-my-older-brother-as-well.-If-ever-among-men-there-was-a-close-

friend-then-baro-dada-was-that-close-friend.-He-was-charitable,-

of-good-character,-had-a-pure-love,-and-was-honest,-and-my-heart-

was-enlivend-by-him.-Upon-seeing-him-all-my-troubles-would-go-

away.-

 

145.-I-would-sit-by-him-and-discuss-many-Sanskrit-books.-I-had-

much-affection-for-Satyendranath,-but-I-was-always-overwhelmed-by-

the-great-qualities-of-Dvijendranath-Babu.-He-was-without-

attachment-for-worldly-things,-and-when-I-was-with-him-I-was-

happy-and-gave-up-thoughts-of-material-things.-Therefore,-staying-

with-him-was-all-good-for-me,-but-staying-with-others-was-not-so-

good.-At-that-time-I-read-many-books-on-the-science-of-God,-which-

was-the-particular-science-that-effected-the-removal-of-anxiety-

from-my-heart.-When-I-discussed-things-with-Dvijendranath-there-

was-help—-Kant,-Goethe,-Hegal,-Swedenborg,-Schopenhauer,-Hume,-

Voltaire,-and-Cousin.

 

146.-Having-discussed-the-books-of-many-writers-I-concluded-in-my-

mind-that-dravya-[substance]-has-no-[real]-existance.-Guna-

[quality]-alone-exists.-Dravya-is-but-the-sum-total-of-the-gunas.-

The-gunas-[actually]-exist-but-there-is-no-proof-for-the-

necessity-of-[there-being-a]-gunadhara-[upholder-of-gunas].-

Dvijendranath-heard-my-conclusions-in-the-matter-of-philosophy-

and-considered-them-and-said,-”O-brother-Kedar,-your-thinking-is-

very-deep.-I-am-not-able-to-defeat-you.”-

 

147.-Dvijendranath-was-a-person-who-was-a-resevoir-of-intellect.-

In-knowledge-of-the-padarthas-he-was-one-without-a-second.-

€Hearing-his-words–my-mental-strenght-doubled.-I-was-a-guest-

speaker-on-philosophy-at-some-learned-societies.

 

Tarkanath-Palit-was-a-classmate-and-good-friend-of-mine-and-at-

that-time-he-had-not-yet-gone-to-England.-He-liked-very-much-my-

presentation-and-proposed-to-me-that-I-speak-to-the-British-

Indian-Society.-In-that-assembly-the-Englishmen-said-that-my-

presentation-was-deep.-Dal-Saheb-asked,-“What-will-be-the-benefit-

to-mankind-from-acquiring-knowledge-of-this-sort?”-At-one-other-

meeting-of-this-sabha,-having-written-in-the-form-of-a-play-in-

English-the-twenty-five-stories-of-the-Vetala-[Vetala-panch-

vinsaati]-I-recited-it.-On-that-day-there-was-a-great-debate.-And-

from-that-day-my-friends-my-own-age-considered-me-a-logician-and-

began-to-tell-everybody.

 

148.-I-studied-the-books-and-lectures-of-the-Brahma-Samaj.-Belief-

in-one-God-was-good-and-for-many-days-I-had-confidence-[in-them].-

But-at-no-time-did-I-have-any-taste-for-the-form-of-understanding-

of-the-Brahmos-and-the-type-of-worship-[they-performed].-There-

were-many-discussions-with-Dal-Saheb-on-the-topic-of-theology.-On-

his-advice-I-was-reading-the-Bible-and-various-other-Christian-

books.-Canning-Saheb-had-many-books-and-I-studied-all-[he-had]-on-

logic-with-the-missionary-associate-of-Rama-Mohan-Roy.-In-those-

days-I-was-interested-in-books-about-religion-and-I-went-so-far-

as-to-read-Sale’s-Koran-[1734].-I-made-a-thorouhg-study-of-all-

the-books-of-Theodore-[?]–Parker-and-Newman.-Previously-I-had-

read-only-books-on-philosophy-but-now-I-liked-to-read-books-on-

religion.-Somehow,-in-this-fashion,-I-developed-a-deep-faith-in-

Jesus-Christ.-Whatever-I-read-I-did-not-fail-to-discuss-with-

Dvijendranath.-

 

149.-The-Sepoy-Mutiny-occurred-at-this-time.-Every-evening-I-read-

the-newspaper-in-Dvijendranath’s-parlour.-I-was-able-to-ascertain-

all-the-news-before-it-was-published-in-discussions-with-

Banesvara-Vidyalankar,-the-then-editor-of-the-Tattva-Bodhini,-and-

with-others.-In-the-house-of-Kasi-Babu-many-discussions-took-

place.

 

At-that-time-I-had-a-desire-to-see-other-countries.-I-went-to-

Burdwan-with-Banesvara-Vidyalankar-and-a-few-other-pandits.-There-

I-stayed-happily-for-a-few-days-in-the-hospitality-of-the-Maharaj-

Mahatap-Chandra.-In-those-days-Burdwan-was-an-excellent-place.-

Respectable-people-who-became-ill-in-Calcuttaw-went-there-to-

regain-their-health.-

 

150.-This-was-the-time-of-Dola-Yatra.-I-went-to-see-the-court-of-

the-king-and-I-gave-a-complimantary-copy-of-my-Poriyed-to-the-

king-and-he-read-some-of-it-and-liked-it.-Returning-from-Burdwan-

I-saw-that-my-maternal-grandmother-was-bedridden-in-the-house-of-

Kali-Kaka-with-Grihinipira-[?].-I-was-thinking-many-things,-[such-

as]-“I-will-study,-I-will-make-money,-I-will-print-books,-I-will-

lecture-in-many-places.-I-will-get-somewhere-where-mother-and-

grandmother-and-my-wife-can-all-live-together.”-But-there-was-no-

money.-No-help.-Everyone-was-a-calculating-outsider.-No-one-made-

€even-a-little-effort-to-help.-

 

151.-My-Maternal-Grandmother-was-very-ill.-Kali-Kaka-made-a-

special-effort-[to-help-her].-Kaka-Bholanatha-Babu-sometimes-made-

efforts-to-help.-At-this-time-many-small-things-[happened].-

Oneday-a-friend-of-mine,-Biresvar-Basu,-suggested-to-me,-“-Let’s-

go-on-a-tour-to-Chuchara,-Hugli-and-other-places.-Thereafter,-

Mahendra-Mitra,-Biresvara,-Nabagopal-and-myself-I-by-rail-to-

Pharasadanga-and-Hugli.-My-expenses-were-shared-by-them-and-we-

returned-after-three-days.-Their-association-was-not-very-good.-

Upon-returning-I-was-put-to-shame.-I-was-thinking-to-enjoy-going-

on-an-excursion,-but-what-was-the-condition-of-my-grandmother?-

that-I-did-not-know.-Upon-returning-to-the-house-of-Kali-Kaka-in-

the-afternoon,-I-saw-mother-and-Mej-Didi-calling-me-in-the-

doorway.-They-said,-“You-immediately-go-to-the-ghat-on-the-Ganga.-

Your-Kali-Kaka-took-your-grandmother-there.”

 

I-had-only-one-piece-of-cloth-on-but-I-went-swiftly-to-Nimatal-

Ghat.-There-I-saw-my-grandmother,-and-Kali-Kaka-was-performing-

antarjali-[‘final-ablutions’].-When-she-died,-it-took-to-almost-

11-o’clock-at-night-to-finish-the-funeral-rites.-Afterwards,-I-

took-a-bath,-and-returning-to-the-house-of-Kalikaka,-I-went-to-

sleep.-Indeed,-there-was-sorrow-on-the-death-of-my-grandmother,-

but-she-was-the-daugther-and-wife-of-rich-men.-The-only-thing-was-

that-her-final-sufferring-was-unbearable.-Thus-there-was-much-

benenfit-for-her-in-her-dying.-While-I-was-living-in-Ula-she-was-

very-good-to-me.-I-read-Kali-Kaivalyadayini-and-other-books-with-

her.-Whenever-new-books-were-for-sale-[at-the-book-shop]-I-would-

go-there,-buy-them,-and-give-them-to-her.-She-knew-how-to-cook-

the-best-[of-all-others].-You-could-not-find-a-women-who-was-as-

frugal-as-she-and-would-pay-such-painstaking-attention-to-

details.-She-would-make-various-kinds-of-dishes-and-sweets.-What-

she-knew-no-others-knew.-She-would-prepare-Chosir-Payas,-Amer-

Morabba-etc.-and-others-would-not-be-able-to.-I-would-help-her-in-

all-kinds-of-ways.-

 

154.-And-she-showed-me-affection.-When-I-was-a-young-boy-I-used-

to-do-foolish-things.-She-had-a-very-heavy-pillow.-She-would-

leave-this-pillow-[alone]-at-any-time.-At-the-house-in-Ula-she-

often-told-Didi-[an-aunt]-that-inside-her-pillow-were-some-gold-

Mohar-coins.-I-was-curious-to-see-that-pillow-so-once,-when-she-

went-to-the-bathroom,-I-opened-the-inside-of-the-pillow-and-took-

out-a-cloth-bag,-though-I-did-not-open-it-but-replaced-it-in-the-

pillow.-She-[somehow]-could-tell–[that-I-had-looked]-but-she-was-

unaffected-towards-me.-When-she-died-I-was-not-present-and-

whatever-was-there-she-could-not-give-to-me.-Kali-Kaka-said-She-

had-given-her-books-to-him-[for-me].-I-was-not-upset-by-all-of-

this,-but-went-along-with-the-request.-The-day-after-her-death-I-

went-to-the-house-of-Kasi-Babu.-The-doorkeeper,-Itarup-Simha,-

said,-”You-lit-the-funeral-fire-at-your-grandmother’s-head;-you-

may-not-enter-this-house-for-three-days.”-Being-very-young-my-

feelings-were-badly-injured.-As-I-was-hurt,-I-went-and-stayed-at-

the-house-of-Kali-Kaka.-The-small-cost-of-grandmpther’s-sraddha–

was-met-by-Uncle-Bholanath-Babu.-

€

155.-A-few-days-after-the-Sraddha-I-thought,-“I-will-rent-a-house-

and-I-will-live-there-and-bring-my-wife-there.”-My-wife-was-then-

at-Dumdum-in-the-house-of-Matul-Gokulachandra-Simha.-A-few-months-

before,-Mama-Gokul-and-Siromani-Mitra-had-taken-me-to-Dumdum.-I-

went-there-from-the-garden-house-of-Kasi-Babu.-At-that-time-my-

wife-was-almost-twleve-years-old.-Making-repeated-requests-to-me-

she-begged-me-to-ask-mother-to-take-her-to-Calcutta.-I-said,-”I-

will-bring-you-to-Calcutta-as-soon-as-I-get-a-job.”

 

156.-Among-the-employment-I-received-were-two-private-tutorships,-

and-I-made-12-Rupees-a-month.-After-a-few-months-I-took-a-

position-as-a-2ndÜ[grade]-teacher-at-the-Hindu-Charitable-

Institution-School-for-a-wage-of-15-Rupees.-Then-I-said-to-my-

mother,-”Let’s-go-and-rent-a-house.”-All-this-occurred-in-1857-

[during-his-nineteenth-year].-At-that-time-the-[Sepoy]-Mutiny-was-

at-its-hight.

 

157.-In-the-Sunri-district-[the-quarter-inhabited-by-liquor-

dealers],-very-near-his-house,-Charanmitra-arranged-to-rent-house-

number-eight-for-8-Rupees-[per-month?]-from-Vinod-Sahar-on-my-

behalf.–I-brought-my-mother-and-all-my-things-from-Kali-Kaka’s-

house-to-the-[new]-house.-Kali-Kaka-kept-in-touch-from-time-to-

time.-Buying-one-cot,-two-canopy-beds,-one-table,-two-chairs,-and-

one-clothes-rack-I-furnished-the-house.-I-also-got-a-western-

servant-and-one-maid.-I-got-15-to-20-Rupees-plus-whatever-from-

the-sale-of-Poriyed-which-we-lived-on.-From-time-to-time-I-would-

stay-at-the-house-of-Kasi-Babu.-My-friends-Biju-and-Umacharan-

sometimes-would-come-and-visit-me.-I-was-writing-English-poetry-

then.-

 

158.-At-that-time-Sayaram-Mama-from-Ula-and-his-family-rented-a-

house-in-the-Sunri-district.-I-would-go-and-visit-them.-At-that-

time-Harighosa-came-down-with-cholera-and-doctor-Hanigbenj-

performed-an-inoculation-thereby-curing-him.-I-lived-at-the-house-

in-Sunri-district-for-a-few-months-and-I-brought-my-wife-there.-

Again-my-income-was-defiecent-and-I-was-unable-to-maintain-my-

family.-I-thus-moved-my-wife-and-mother-to-the-house-of-Kali-

Kaka.-Renting-the-house-in-the-Sunri-neibhorhood-resulted-in-back-

rent-of-Rupees-6o-to-70-[being-unpaid]-and-mother-sold-a-gold-

necklace-in-order-to-pay-it-off.-At-this-time-I-printed-the-

second-volume-of-Poriyed.

 

159.-At-the-time-I-lived-in-the-house-at-Sunri-I-would-frequently-

go-to-the-house-of-Mrs.-Locke,-the-poetess.-She-was-an-elderly-

woman.-When-she-read-my-poetry,-she-was-pleased-and-showed-my-a-

lot-of-affection.-At-the-home-of-this-lady-I-met-with-Jnanendra-

Mohan-Thakur-Babu.-Mrs.-Locke-was-a-spiritualist-and-she-showed-

me-many-‘spiritual’-manifestations.-She-would-have-spirits-come-

and-dance-on-her-table.-She-could-see-the-spirits-but-I-could-

only-hear-the-sound-of-their-dancing.

 

Gradually-I-got-into-great-financial-difficulty.-I-could-not-

secure-a-job.-Employment-was-lacking,-compared-to-the-number-in-

€need-of-work.-I-began-to-ingraciate-myself-to-a-mucchddina-of-a-

particular-merchant’s-house.-He,-considering-the-respectability-

of-my-family,-sent-me-to-purchase-sugar-etc.-at-the-market-in-

order-to-teach-me-the-duties-of-chief-accountant.-[Once]-when-I-

bought-a-large-quantity-of-sugar-I-obtained-an-[extra]-sack-of-

sugar.-I-noticed-this-and-considered-it-irreligious-to-cheat-the-

merchants.-I-therefore-informed-the-merchant-and-he-told-me,-“It-

would-be-good-for-you-to-become-a-teacher.-Buisness-will-not-be-

good-for-you.”

 

160.-I-was-thinking-how-to-get-a-job,-and-at-this-time,-from-

Chotimanglapur,-Dada-Mahasaya-[my-paternal-grandfather,-

Rajavallabha]-sent-Lalu-Chakravartti-and-Keval-Das.-Dada-Mahasaya

wrote-to-me,-saying,-“I-will-not-live-many-more-days.-I-desire-to-

see-you-directly.-If-you-come-quickly-then-I-will-see-you,-

otherwise-I-will-not-be-able-to.”

 

In-Calcutta-there-were-no-apartments.-I-was-not-able-to-live-with-

a-defiecency-of-money.-Employment-was-not-easy-[to-get]-and-

whatever-there-was-there-was-rooted-in-irreligion-so-I-could-not-

do-it.-Considering-all-this-I-consulted-with-my-mother-and-wife-

and-decided-to-go-to-Orissa-with-Keval-Rama-Das.-The-year-was-

1858-when-I-set-out-for-Orissa.-We-stored-the-cot,-the-table-etc.-

and-numerous-other-articles-at-the-house-of-Kali-Kaka.-In-the-

month-of-Vaisakha-we-departed.-

 

162.-Taking-a-boat-we-went-to-Ulaber.-On-the-way,-seeing-the-

huge-waves,-mother-began-to-cry.-I-was-also-afraid.-We-arrived-in-

Ulaber-in-the-afternoon.-We-were-unable-to-rent-[even]-a-bullock-

cart-there,-and-thus-we-went-and-sought-the-help-of-the-police-

inspector-of-that-place,-Annada-Prasad-Ghosa.-As-if-to-introduce-

his-nature-this-police-sub-inspector-gave-a-pointless-order.-In-

spite-of-that-we-were-still-not-able-to-rent-a-cart.-From-Ulaber-

we-set-out-on-foot-for-Pansakura.-Mother-was-the-daugther-of-a-

very-rich-man-and-so-she-was-not-able-to-to-travel-easily.-My-

wife-was-just-a-girl-of-13-years.-Our-progress-was-extremely-

slow.-

 

163.-Arriving-at-the-Ghat-of-Pansakura,-we-rented-two-carts-and-

started-for-Yajpur.-At-Medinipur-we-meet-Baro-Mami.-Some-time-

after-Subarnarekha-we-saw-the-river-which-divides-Bangaldesh-and-

Orissa.-On-one-bank-the-colour-was-like-a-red-pot-and-the-

language-was-Bengali,-on-the-other-bank-the-color-was-like-a-

black-pot-and-the-language-was-Oriya.-Gradually-we-passed-

Balesvar-and-Bhadrak-and-came-to-Yajpur.-Kevalram-and-Lalchand-

used-to-occaisionally-fight-with-each-other.-Sometimes,-after-

being-shaved-at-the-barber’s-shop,-during-their-massage,-they-

would-wrestle-and-I-would-watch-with-great-curiosity.-Having-

staying-in-Yajpur-for-two-or-three-days-we-left.-

 

164.-We-stayed-in-one-guest-room-in-the-garden-house-of-a-Panda-

[a-tourist-guide].-From-there-news-[of-our-arrival]-went-to-

Chotigram.-Dada-Mahasaya-sent-two-palanquins-along-with-bearers.-

We-stayed-two-nights-in-in-Yajpur-performing-pilgramage-

€activities.-Thereafter,-in-the-morning,-we-set-out-for-Chotigram.-

Dada-Mahasay-cried-tears-of-love-we-he-saw-us.-He-had-many-

cows,-and-they-all-had-names,-such-as-Ghumuri,-Kahri-etc.-Bida,-a-

milkman,-would-come-and-do-the-milking-and-his-mother-would-boil-

the-milk-and-make-yogurt-and-ghee.-

 

165.-Dada-Mahasaya-would-eat-nothing-at-all-during-the-day.-Then-

at-night,-after-two-prahars-[midnight],-he-would-eat-khacoris-

that-he-cooked-himself.-His-khacoris-contained-so-many-chillis-

that-I-was-not-able-to-eat-them.-He-would-mix-together-4-or-5-

seers-of-milk-with-date-sugar.-He-used-to-eat-that.-Dada-Mahasaya-

wore-crimsom-cloth-like-a-sannyasi.-During-the-day-he-only-did-

japa.-He-kept-many-animals:-pigeons,-peacocks,-swans-etc.-and-he-

used-to-employ-one-or-two-boys-to-feed-them.-In-the-evenings-many-

elderly-Kali-worshipers-etc.-who-were-ganja-smokers-came-to-smoke-

ganja.-Dada-Mahasay-did-not-smoke-ganja.-He-only-ever-smoked-

tobacco.-For-his-age-he-had-considerable-strength.-Quickly-

pulling-cobra-snakes-out-of-their-holes,-he-would-kill-them-on-

his-wooden-shoes.-He-had-a-good-apetite-and-plenty-ofÜstrength.-

He-was-never-sick.-Because-he-was-a-kali-siddha-he-was-able-to-

talk-about-everything.-He-had-made-my-horoscope.-He-told-me,-“You-

will-secure-a-very-good-job-at-age-26-or-27.”-

 

166.  In Chotigram we had 6 or 7 big residences and many  smaller

places,  and  in  the middle were the temples  of  Radha  Madhava

and Jagannatha. Behind the house was the pond called Oyas. On all

sides  [of  the estate] ther was a fence made  of  sharp  bamboo.

There was no difficulty in eating [in Chotigram]. There the local

king was Raj Ala. He lived with mush pomp and splender. I had one

bearer named Bhavani,  but after working [for me] for [only] 4 or

5 months he left [and on that account] I took a small fine out of

his wages.  Ananda Raya,  our minor partner [?], was a swine of a

man. He counselled the bearer and filed a complaint in the king’s

lawcourt.  The bearer was not seen for two or three  days,  after

which  he  returned  to me bringing an  armed  policeman  like  a

Yamaduta.  I  realised  that in the villages the decline  of  the

kings was great.

 

167.  I brought the chief police officer from Phunri,  and I paid

the  bearer’s  wages  in  front of  him  upon  which  the  king’s

policeman departed. After this incident I thought it good to stay

in  the main town three krosas [six miles] away  from  Chotigram,

therefore,   I   went  to  Kendrapur   and  spoke  with   Munseph

Sivaprasada  Simha.   The  merciful  Isvara  Candra   Vidyasagara

Mahasaya   wrote   a  letter  to  Sivaprasada  Simha   about   me

[recommending  me]  and sent another letter addressed  to  Doctor

Roer Sahb with me. Sivprasada made some effort and established an

English  school  in the district of Kendra and employed me  as  a

teacher.  At  this  time Judge Jelor and Commisioner  Shore  came

there and I gave them a copy of my Poriyed and talked with  them.

Judge Saheb encourged me to make progess in the school.

 

168.  At  the  end of the rainy  season  Doctor  Roer,  Inspector

of  Schools  South West Bengal, came there and I  showed  him  the

letter Vidyasagar Mahasaya wrote and I spoke with him.  I visited

his  boat  frequently,  staying  late  into  the  night,  and  we

discussed many things.  He said,  “The teachers’ examination will

be  held in Puri;  you go there and take the exam,  I  will  help

you.” Considering that I would go to Puri in the month of May,  I

began to make plans.

 

I had my residence in a shop in the Kendra district. On Saturdays

I  would  walk to Choti and on Monday I would return to  work  on

foot.

 

169.  In the meantime I got the news that Dada Mahasaya was  ill.

Coming  from Radhasyam Naredra of Kedrapara I went  to  Chotigram

and took cinnabar [red dye from mercury oxide] and Patol  leaves.

I  did not observe any particular illness [to be aflicting]  Dada

Mahasaya.  He said,  “Do not leave here for one or two  days;  my

life  is  coming  to an end.” I remained just  as  he  asked.  On

the  morning of the third day he asked for some food for  us.  He

had  a very slight fever.  Sitting up in bed in the courtyard  he

lay  down and began to smoke tobacco.  Durgaprasada  Chakravarti,

Kebal Ram Chakravarti,  Lalchanda Chakravarti and 10 to 15 others

surrounded him.  Having eaten, I came [back to him]. Rising, Dada

Mahasaya  sat leaning against a bolster and began to smoke a  lot

of tobacco andÜperform Nama Japa.

 

170.  The  people of the Chakravarti family began to  search  for

tulasi or belgach leaves,  but he stopped them.  Calling to me he

said,  “After  my death,  do not remain many days in this  place.

Whatever  work  you  do  at 27 years of age  will  be  your  main

ocupation.  You  will  become a great Vaishnava.  I give  you  my

blessings.”  Immediatetly  after saying this his life  left  him,

bursting  out  of his  brahmatalu  [brahma-randra].   One  rarely

witnesses  such an amazing death.  After completing  his  funreal

rites  according to the law I performed the first sraddha in  the

first month.  We had many Khanejad servants.  In that region they

are  known as sagar-pesha.  Whenever one of us  would  die,  they

would carry [the body] on their shoulders, perform the cremation,

and thus they would take the impurity [upon  themselves].  Having

done  the shaving on the sraddha shaving day,  they would put  on

new  cloth and eat.  In this fashion the [funeral] rites  for  my

paternal grandfather were concluded.

 

171.  Chakravarti  Mahasaya  was our family priest and it was  he

who  completed  the worship.  In Orrisa these  things  cost  very

little.  Almost  a thousand Brahmanas and Kayasthas came  to  the

feast.  Hurum,  curd, date gour and chillis were served. All this

cost  very  little.  At  this  time Mahedra Mama  had  a  job  in

Murasidabad.  He sent fifty Rupees and I had some savings from my

job  in  Choti.  In this way the small expense  was  covered  and

everything was done.

 

172.  Also  at  this time the following matter  was  settled.  At

Jagganathapura  and other places in Murshidabad there  were  some

properties  –  my grandfather’s wife,  Rani  Radharani,  had  the

mortgage. I settled with her [?] and received 800 Rupees, which I

gave to Kashi Babu as savings.

 

173.  In  the month of May,  Deravisha  Babu,  Ram  Babu,  Kurupa

Bhandari and I took a trip to Cuttack [on the way to?] Puri. From

the residence of Dinu Babu in Cuttack, I took my relation, Saday,

and went to Puri,  where we stayed at the house of Kali Chauduri.

There I met with Doctor Roer.  While in Puri,  I talked with many

respectable gentlemen and stayed there happily for about a month.

Muktesvar  Babu  and Yadu Babu and many others took care  of  us.

Braja Babu was clerk to Roer Saheb. I got all the news [about the

examinations] from him.  The examination was held in the  circuit

house and I passed it.  I write the certificate which I  received

below:

 

174. Certificate of Qualification for Teachers

 

It  is  hereby certified that Babu Kedar Nath  Dutt  appeared

before the Committee appointed for the Examination of  candidates

for employment and promotion in the Education Department at Poori

inÜMay 1859 and that he acquitted himself in such a manner as  to

be  entitled  under the Rules,  to this certificate of  the  High

Fourth  Grade,  rendering him eligible to any Situation of  which

the Salary does not exceed Rupees forty.

 

Cuttack

Sd. E.Roer

Inspector of Schools, South West Bengal.

The 30th of May 1859

 

175.  Having taken the examination  I returned on foot from  Puri

to Cuttack at the time of the Chandan Festival at Puri. There was

happiness  [we  drived  happiness?]  from  [consuming]  lots   of

Prasadam.  On  the  day of the festival,  in  the  afternoon,  we

departed,  and went 3 kroshas by mid-evening and stayed the night

in a salt warehouse at Janakadepur.  Very early the next day   we

set out and arrived in Bhuvaneswar that night.  On the way we ate

only chatu and torani mahaprasada.  The sun was exceedingly  hot.

Sakshi  Kurupa,  Baburam  and Saday were unable to  proceed  with

ease.  I assisted them,  and on that day we travelled 17  kroshas

[34  miles].  At nine o’clock at night we were in the jungle  and

were  very afraid of tigers,  but we finnaly arrived at a  temple

and stayed at the house of the panda [a tourist guide]. There, in

the night,  we took prasada and cool water and slept free of  all

troubles.  Hving looked around [the place] we left in the morning

and arrived in the city by mid-afternoon.  Saday remained  there.

We  four men went to Chotigram as before.  My mother and my  wife

were happy to receive me.

 

176.  In  the light of the result of the examination I  began  to

work  as  before,  [but]  hopeful of  getting  some  governmental

employment. By the first of September I got a position as a sixth

grade teacher with a salary of 20 Rupees [per month] in  Cuttack.

I  immediately  went  to  Cuttack  and  joined  the  school.  The

headmaster was Yadu Nath Mukhopadhyay and he was very pleased  to

accept  me.  I brought my mother and wife to a residence  in  the

Sahebjada Bazar.  The eating was good in Cuttack.  With a servant

and a maid and a rented house for [just] 2 Rupees [per month],  I

was able to eat the best quality rice in the morning and all  the

luchi one could desire in the afternoon.

 

177.  At that time the Munseph of Cuttack was Mahescandra Raya, a

very  good  man  from Santipur.  He was a  Brahmo  anong  Brahmos

[members of the Brahma Samaj].  His brother, Girish Babu, was the

jailer and  a very staunch Hindu.  The chief sub-judicial officer

was Tarakanta Vidyasagar.  We used to have a lot of fun with him.

Having  becomea  a prominant man in Calcutta he used to  feed  us

[when we visited him]. On the day of Sarasvati Pooja he gave pens

aways as gifts.  His associating with Yadu Babu was like [mixing]

ginger and ripe bannana.

 

178.  At  the time of living in Cuttack,  I was eating  less  and

myÜbody  became  a  little  thinner.  Mother  was  stricken  with

epilepsy.  Many were the nights I would stay up with her.

 

Among  the teachers in Cuttack there was one Sunri [a  low  caste

wine-merchant]. There was much joking about him.

 

179.  At  the  time  of living in Cuttack I  used  to  talk  with

Sriyuta Healy  Saheb.   He  was  the  Assistant  Magistrate   and

School  Secretary.  In the Cuttack school district there  was  an

assembly where,  since 1859,  ten policies had been enacted  that

where still under debate [by the teachers]. Hearing my speech [on

these matters] Healy Saheb developed a special confidence in  me.

I  stayed  in  his  company for  two  months  studying  Ellison’s

‘Europe’ and he had said that there was much extraordinary  power

in me.  Gradually he develped a specific affection for me. I read

many  books on philosophy from the Cuttack school  library.  Upon

receiving the position of Headmaster of the Bhadra School I  left

the Cuttack school on March 16th 1860.

 

180.  When  I arrived in Bhadra I got a house in the  bazar.  The

bazar was on one bank of the river Salindi and the school was  on

the other bank. Because my place of work was far away and I daily

had  to  travel  back and forth I had to pay  for  a  bearer  and

palanquin at six Rupees per month. In Bhadra I received 45 Rupees

per month [540 Rupees per annum].

 

181.  While in Bhadra I had a new house built and we lived there.

At that time Sarjan Chandra Nath Visvas was the Sub-assistant [?]

for  that  place,  Yadu Babu the Post Master and Bindu  Babu  the

Zamindar. Now and then we all used to sit together in the evening

[and talk]. We would have a lot of fun. The food was not bad. But

my mother’s epilepsy was gradually becoming worse.

 

182.  Deputy  Dear  was a very good friend of  ours.  An  Orissan

brahmana  came to Bhadra to recite the Ramayana.  When  he  heard

about my mother’s illness he made a preparation of sandal and oil

with  conch powder and gave it to her.  Due to him mother  became

healthy and beautiful. I paid the doctor and made him very happy.

 

While living in Bhadra I wrote a book entitled ‘Maths of Orissa’.

In that same year,  during the month of August,  that is to  say,

the  8th of Bhadra,  1267 [sakabda?],  my first son,  Annada  was

born.  Also  in that year,  a letter dated the 18th  of  December

arrived  appointing me to the school in Midnapur.  We  were  very

happy and began to make arrangements to arrive in Midnapur by the

first ofJanuary.

 

183.  While  living  in Bhadra I received a  letter  form  Rivett

Carnac   as  follows:   “The  fifth  master  can  make   whatever

arrangements are most convenient to him for the transport of  his

family  and goods but asÜhis presence is immediatley required  at

Midnapur  he must join [us] without delay.”

Sd. Rivett Carnac.

Secretary L.C.P.I.

5th Feb. 1861

 

184. At that time Midnapur was very condusive to one’s health. At

the request of Mahendra Mama,  one employee,  a Mahishadal  named

Haramohan  Sen,  reserved a rented house for  me.  Upon  arriving

there we met with Raj Narayan Babu.  In accordance with his advice

I  rented a house in Karnelaganga and moved there within  a  short

time.  At that time the community of Midnapur was turbulent. Some

folk were followers of Raj Narayan Vasu Babu,  and thus they were

Brahmos.  Some  folk  were  rigid  Hindus  and  other  folk  were

drunkards;  others  were without any dharma or  karma.  In  every

group  there were two to four prominant leaders.  Even  though  I

worked closely with Raj Narayan Babu I was in the Hindu group.  I

spoke with the Matalas but did not associate with them. Gradually

some  people became my followers.  They were generally young  and

learned or seeking learning.

 

185.  In  those days my thoughts on religion were to  the  effect

that dry knowledge was best, and that the religion of the Brahmos

was not good.  I thought the brotherly philosphy taught by  Jesus

Christ was excellent.  The taste [derived from such worship]  was

[due to the Christian] devotion [to Jesus].  I read all the books

written by Theodore Parker and others,  and books on Unitarianism

I  got  from  Calcutta.  Because of [these  books]  my  mind  was

attracted  toward  the devotion of Jesus.  From the  time  of  my

childhood I had faith in bhakti. During the time I was in Ulagram

hearing Hari Kirtan produced bliss [in me].

 

186. Oneday, one of my grandfather’s servants chastised some Jati

Vaishnavas  [hereditary Vaishnavas] for the offense  of  fishing.

They said that Vaishnavas’ killing living entities was wicked.  I

heard this conversation and concluded that it was not proper  for

Vaishnavas to kill living beings.  The Saktas perform  sacrifices

and  kill  animals and then eat the  meat.  Vaihsnavas  are  [not

really  of] the material world.  Moreover,  I recall a  Vaishnava

named  Jaga[?],  who  came to our house dancing and  dancing  and

performing  Nama Kirtan,  and from whose eyes poured torrents  of

tears,  and all these incidents created great faith [in Bhakti in

me].  When  I  was  ill the Kartabhaja made  me  healthy,  and  I

realised the strength of the Vaishnava religion.

 

187.  There was some substance in the Vaishnava dharma: there was

bhakti-rasa  and therefore I had faith therein.  There were  base

practices  in  the Sakta dharma and the Brahmos  were  bereft  of

religion and rasa.  This kind of understading gradually took  its

place in my heart. When I went to Calcutta I would meet with Baro

Dada  and Satur,  hear a little of the Brahmo  dharma,  read  all

their books and Tattva Bodhini Patrika,  but  there was a natural

aversion towards the Brahmo dharma in my mind.  I would have much

deliberation  and  conversation  with Dal Saheb  and  with  other

missionaries,   and  in  comparison  to  the  Brahmo  dharma  the

Christian dharma was far superior.

 

188.  Some books where sent to me by Dal Saheb. We discussed each

of these books and I developed an attraction for pure bhakti, but

I did not put any of it into practice.  While I was at the school

in  Midnapur  I  thought that I would obtain and  read  books  on

Vaishnava dharma.

 

At  the  Midnapur school there was a  Jati  Vaishnava  pandit.  I

learned  from speaking with him that Chaitanya  Prabhu   preached

the  Vaisnava  dharma  in Bengal.  The history  and  thoughts  of

Chaitanya [he said] are contained in the book known as  Chaitanya

Charitamrita.  I  searched,  but could not obtain a copy  of  the

Chaitanya Charitamrita.  I had faith that reading that book would

produce  happiness in my mind,  but at the time  Vaishnava  books

were not in print.

 

189.  My  grandmother became ill.  Doctor Navagopal Ghoshal  Babu

cured her with much endeavour.

 

In  Midnapur there was a literary society [sahitya  sabha].  Raja

Narayan  Basu,  who was the speaker in  the  assembly,  said,  “O

Kedar,  a  wage of thirty Rupees for a 5th grade  teachership  is

unsuitable  for  you.  You make some effort and you  will  get  a

better occupation.” Gradually I got many followers and  students.

Seeing this,  there was a little envy on the part of the Brahmos.

In  the Brahmo had a school,  and a pandit there  endeavoured  to

make  Raj  Narayan Babu and me enemies.  I  lived  with  caution,

taking care to surround myself with friends.  I had a friend  who

was in the same group as me named Thomas who was an Anglo-Indian.

He  and I wrote for the  newspaper,  ‘Pheonix’.  Brajbhaduri  and

Jadunath  Shil were two good friends of mine.  there  was  always

agreement  in the field of literature between them and  me.  Braj

Babu held many feasts.

 

190.  In the month of Jyaistha my wife became ill and gave up her

body. At that time  Annada was ten months old and my mother began

to  raise  him.  When  my  wife was ill  all  my  friends  helped

trmendously. I [personally] had a swelling of my lungs. I endured

this grief like a warrior according to the ‘Psalm of Life’. I had

prayed, revealing these matters in my mind to God. Yet, even then

the  doctrine of formlessness had a place in my mind.  But  there

was   also  the  conviction  that  God  had  a   distinct   form.

Formlessness  and essential form — how these two  might both  be

true, that I did not understand.

 

191.  After  my  period of impurity ended  marriage  negotiations

began anew.  A man named Nilambar Nag was a coleague of mine. His

house was in Yakshpur or Yakpur,  two krosas from Midnapur on the

far  bank of the Kamsa.  He initiated marriage  negoiations  with

your mother.  Your maternal grandfather,  Pitambar Babu,  came to

see  me along with my elder maternal aunt and brought your  mother

to see my mother. Mother approved ofthe girl and consented to the

marriage.  Concerning this marriage matter,  Uncle Bholanath Babu

in  Calcutta  wrote  to Kasi Babu and  Kasi  Babu  expressed  his

opinion. Uncle Kasi did not approve.

 

192. In spite of this there is no stopping the will of God in any

circumstance.   The  marriage  went  ahead.   The  marriage   was

celebrated in the month of Sravan.  In those days I was unable to

pay  the expenses,  and because of this the second  marriage  was

completed  simply by the performance of some ‘namo  namos’,  like

the Rishi Shraddha.  Raya Mahasaya’s family in Jakpur was wealthy

and respectable.  The grandchildren of their house were worthy of

respect.  Therefore,  in  Hindu  society,  the marriage  was  not

blameworthy.  But some English intellectuls said that itÜwas  not

proper  to  remarry within only two months of the  death  of  the

first wife.  Rajnarayan Babu said that if a marriage is performed

in Jakpur there is [bound to be] a good deal of gossip.

 

193.  During  the  Durga  festival that year I kept  my  wife  in

Midnapur  and went to Calcutta,  and stayed at the house of  Kasi

Babu.  At that time Bidhan street [College St.] was  new.  Seeing

that neighbourhood altogether changed and having known the way it

had been, I was pained as I travelled about.

 

194.  Mahendra Nath Mitra,  who was a brother to me, said that in

Burdwan  the chief Amin [tax collector] wanted a chief clerk  who

knew English. The pay was small but the miran [?] was nearly two-

hundred  Rupees for the taking.  “You will have to translate  his

English  judgement into Bengali.  If you wish,  then you can  get

this position”, he said.

 

195.  Agreeing to this, and taking a letter from Mahendra Bhai, I

went to Burdwan with Mahendra Mama.  There I took meals  etc.  in

the house of Janaki Mitra, the office superintendant of the chief

tax collector,  and I had a meeting with the saheb.  Wright Saheb

decided  to give the job to me.  I returned to Calcutta and  from

thence  to  Midnapur.  After being in Midnapur for seven  days  I

received a letter from Wright Saheb.  Before resigning my post in

the Education Department I was given a letter of recomendation by

Doctor Roer, [which read] as follows:

 

196.  “Babu Kedar Nath Dutt,  a fifth-grade master of the English

School  at Midnapur,  has been in the Educational Department  for

nearly two years.  He was first employed in the English school at

Cuttack  and  afterwards promoted to the  Headmastership  of  the

Anglo  Vernacular School at Bhuddrack.  He is a good teacher  and

has given me great satisfaction by the faithful discharge of  his

duties. Babu Kedar Nath Dutt has studied much for himself and has

a  taste  for literature in general.  He has not  yet  passed  an

examination for Senior Teachership,  yet I have a high opinion of

his talents and hope that he will fulfill the expectation I  have

of his distinguishing himself in the career he has chosen.”

Sd. E. Roer

The 18th March  1861

Inspector of Schools

South West Bengal

 

197.  Having  taking  leave to depart,  I went from  Midnapur  to

Burdwan  and took up the new job.  My mother and wife  stayed  in

Midnapur. After leaving the job in Midnapur and going to Burdwan,

I  wrote  a letter to Rajnarayan Babu explaining that  the  whole

matter was settled. I never returned to Midnapur. I sent a man to

convey  my  mother and wife to  Calcutta.  Uncle  Bholanath  Babu

assisted  them  and  they stayed at a  house  in  Patharighat  in

Calcutta.  Then my wife fell ill with cholera so my uncle sent  a

telegram  to  me in Burdwan.  I came and saw that  my  uncle  was

giving extensive medical treatment [to her].  My wife became well

and   on  the  advice  of  Doctor  Umacharan  of   Radhanagar   I

movedÜeveryone to the house [in Burdwan].

 

198.  I  was  not happy in my position as  a  Nazir.  The  duties

involved  taking one assistant Nazir and 40 or 50  foot-soldiers.

Warants  were issued.  The foot-soldiers were the worst class  of

men.  All the time there was fighting [among them].  I recieved a

quarter  of  the money that was paid due to the threat  from  the

soldiers  as  black money.   I recieved 200 Rupees per  month  by

cheating  [taking black money],  even though the salary was  much

less than that, and there was no pension. As long as I remained a

Nazir I was doing work unfit for a human being.  Wright Saheb was

pleased  [with me and] gave the following Certificate to [when  I

resigned]:

 

199.

Burdwan,

27th June 1863.

 

Babu Kedar Nath Dutt served me as Nazir for 14 months, and I have

much  pleasure in certifying to his more than ordinary  abilities

and  high character.  He left me to my great regret for a  better

appointment in the collectorate,  where I wish him every success.

Wright

Sudder Amean of Burdwan

 

200. I did not take pleasure in the duties of a tax collector. At

that time the the cheating of the Nazir came to  the attention of

the higher officers.  Talk began to the effect that if the salary

of  the  Nazir  was  increased a  little  then  the  government’s

cheating could be checked.  At that time Chandra Shekar Basu  was

the  Head Clerk Collector.  Chandra Babu was a  childhood  friend

from Ulagram and I respected him as an older brother. The man was

truly  first rate.   Upon discussing my situation  with  him,  he

said,  “There  is a [vacany for] a Second  Clerk  Collector,  you

apply for it.” I had an interview with Collector Hoag Saheb. Hoag

Saheb  gave me the post of second clerk at a salary of 30  Rupees

per month.

 

201.  Now money was in short supply and thus I kept my family  at

the  house  of  Kali Kaka in Calcutta.  I  stayed  in  one  small

residence,  which, after several days, Chandra Babu and I shared.

Later I crossed the river Banka and rented a house in the village

of Bhacchala and I brought my mother and wife there.  With  great

difficulty I managed to survived. Hoag Saheb allowed me to become

a  Money  Order Agent,  so I began to get a  little  more  money.

During  the time that I was a Collectorate Office clerk  I  wrote

the poem ‘Bijangram’ and subsequently the poem ‘Sannyasi’.

 

During  that period I had some thoughts on religion and put  them

into verse. Thereafter, I presented them to the Vaishnava society

in Bhacchala and that peom, ‘Sannyasi’, was printed. At that time

I also wrote a small English work entitled ‘Our  Wants’.  Chandra

Babu was in the Brahma Samaj.  My old friend Keshab Sen also came

to see the Samaj.  Reverend Lalbihari De used to criticise Keshav

Sen  at that time,  saying that he stole from the Bible  [?].  At

this time I had several philosophy students.  They became members

of the Brahma Samaj because of Chandra Babu.

 

203.  Therefore  they said to me,  “You resolve the  two  views.”

Oneday,  pointing  out  the mutual  relationship  between  Brahmo

philosophy and Christian philosophy, I proposed a meeting between

the members of both groups, but both sides became extremely angry

with me.  Padre Stern made one or two hostile speeches about  me.

I  made one or two speeches in reply.  I estabhished the  Bhratri

Samaj.  Chandra Babu and other Brahmo men were not pleased  about

this.  Their  group  split and some of them began to come  to  my

society.

 

204.  Because of the enemy’s increase great aprehension arose [in

my party?]. A few men in our office, such as Tilochan Simha, were

in  my  party.  At this time Rakhaldas  Haldar,  who  had  [just]

returned from England,  became Deputy Collector in  Burdwan.  Our

literary  society met at the Burdwan public library and  on  that

account  I  had disputes with Rakhal Babu.  From time to  time  I

would  go  to  Calcutta.   Sriyuta  Hilly  Saheb,   who  was  the

Superintendent of Stationary,  came to Burdwan.  When I met  with

him  he  said,  “I will endevour to arrange a good  position  for

you.”

 

205.  During  one  session of our Bhratri Samaj I gave  a  speech

entitled ‘The Soul’.  A report of the speech was published in the

newspaper,  Public Engagement. When he saw the report Hilly Saheb

came to hear.  He invited me to come to Calcutta to hear a speech

in  a  meeting at the Dalhousie Institute on the subject  of  the

Centralisation of Power. When I went to Calcutta I meet Dal Saheb

and proceeded to the meeting in the Dalhousie  Insititute.  After

hearing  the  lecture  I  stayed at  Baro  Dada  Dvijendra  Natha

Tagore’s house for the night.  Early in the morning I returned to

Burdwan without seeing him.  Baro Dada wrote a poem in Bengali to

me  and I gave an answer in poetry.  We exchanged a lot of  poems

and two of them were published in Sannyasi.  Where all the others

went cannot be determined.

 

206.  I  did not have a good job and there was a lack  of  money.

Your mother became pregnant at the first attempt and for her good

I sent her to Jakpur.  I sent my mother and Annada to the home of

Kali Kaka in Calcutta.  For my part,  I discussed Dharma  Shastra

and  a  good deal of philosophy and taught many  persons,  and  I

wrote a lot.  Brother Mahendra Nath Mitra was the Head Clerk of a

small court in Chooadangah.

 

207.  He wanted to take the law examination in order to enter the

high  court,  so he took six months leave.  George  Linton  Saheb

invited me to take his position.  The salary was 140 Rupees  [per

month].  Half of it had to be given to Mahendra Babu. At the time

I  was to go and do the job in Chooadangah,  Hogg Saheb gave  the

certificate written below to me:

 

208.  “Babu Kedarnath Dutt has served under me as Second Clerk in

the English Collectorate Department for about eighteen months. He

is  a very intelligent,  hard working officer and has  discharged

his duties to my satisfaction.  He leaves his appointment at  his

own request and I am sorry to lose his services.

 

Burdwan

S.J.Hogg

Collector”

 

209.  Upon  proceeding to Chooadanga I lived in a thatched  house

constructed  by Mahendra Babu.  Linton Saheb worked one  week  in

Maherpur  and one week in Chooadanga.  The legal suits  regarding

the  Indigo Workers were of many types;  I spent one and  a  half

years  in Chooadanga.  Mahendra Babu was on vacation but after  a

year he resigned the post. I requested Linton Saheb to obtain the

position  [for me] and he requested the  government.  During  the

time  that  I  lived in Chooadanga I bought a piece  of  land  in

Ranaghat and built a house thereon.  My father-in-law, Madhusudan

Mitra  Mahasaya,  helped  me  purchase  the  land.  It  was  very

convienent  to  travel to Ranaghat from  Chooadanga.  I  came  on

Saturday and returned on Monday.

 

210. On the 26th of Asvin 1271, Sal [1864], your elder sister was

born in Mama’s house, in Jakpur. On the 20th of Asvin there was a

great  storm  which resulted in widespread  destruction.  On  the

preceding  I  left  Chooadanga on the occassion  of  the  [Durga]

Pooja.  I  left the key to my thatched house in the custody of  a

servant  and  proceeded  to  Ranaghat.  In  the  morning  of  the

following day the storm began.  Before evening time,  due to  the

force of the storm, many trees, shrubs, houses, and doorways were

destroyed.  Mother and Annada were in Calcutta. I did not receive

any news about what happened either to them or in Jakpur.

 

The  disaster was very extensive.  The railway was in trouble  at

Chanka,  so after three days I went to Calcutta.  When I  reached

Calcutta I saw that mother and Annada were unscathed.  After 5 or

6  days I received a letter to the effect that I had a  beautiful

daughter.  During  the  storm  there was a  lot  of  damage  done

throughout  the land.  [Upon hearing the news of  my  daughther’s

birth]  I became free of anxiety to some extent.

 

211.  My house in Ranaghat was completed after the storm.  A  few

months after the storm I attempted to bring my wife and  daughter

there.  First I brought mother and Annada to the house and  after

continual insistence I brought my wife and daughter. We all lived

in one place at last.  I came [from my place of work] on Saturday

and returned on Sunday.

 

212.  While  living  in Chooadanga I endeavoured to  improve  the

Chooadanga  school  and other matters.  Towers  Saheb  gave  this

certificate to me:

 

“Sir:

 

I  have much pleasure in having an opportunity of  expressing  my

opinion  on your character and conduct during the period  I  have

known  you.  You  resided nine months at Chooadanga while  I  had

charge of the Sub-dividsion and although not directly subordinate

to  myself  I had many opportunities of becoming  aquainted  with

your  position as a member of the School Committee,  as in  other

ways.  It gives me great pleasure to be able to bear testimony to

the  very  high  respect in which both the  Native  and  European

Community  regarded  you.  Your departure from this part  of  the

country will be a real loss to the residents,  not only from  the

active and able part which you took in promoting every scheme for

their advantage,  but also by the removal from their midst of one

who  afforded his countrymen a high and rare example  of  honesty

and right-mindedness.

 

I have the honour to be, sir,

Your most obedient servant,

 

R. Towers.

Asst. Mag. and collector of Chooadanga”

 

214.  While  living in Chooadanga I took the law  examination  in

Burdwan. At this time Linton Saheb gave me this certificate:

 

215.

 

“This  is  to  certify  that Babu  Kedar  Nath  Dutt  at  present

Officiating Clerk of the Chooadanga Court of the Small Causes has

conducted  himself to my entire satisfaction in the discharge  of

the  multifarious  duties with which he  has  been  entrusted.  I

consider  him to be a respectable and well educated person and  a

fit  and  proper person to appear as a canditate at  the  ensuing

leadership examination and he carries with him my best wishes for

his success.

 

Chooadanga

June 18th 1864

C.D. Linton.”

 

216.  When  Mahendra Babu left his position Linton Saheb wrote  a

letter  to  the government on my behalf [in order that  I  might]

continue  in  the  post.  At  this time a  small  law  court  was

estbalished  in  Mushidabad  and  the clerk  of  that  place  was

appointed to Chooadanga.  Therefore,  I resigned the position and

went to the house in Ranaghat. Linton Saheb wrote a letter to the

government on my behalf and the government responded saying  that

very soon they would give me a good posting.

 

217.   I  was  acquinted  with  Heeley  Seheb.   He  had  a  Head

Clerkship available,  but he considered that the status of  clerk

was  not  suitable  for  me.   He  made  known  my  situation  to

Secretary Srijuta Eden Saheb.  Heeley Saheb spoke to me with much

affection,  saying,  “You will soon get a good position. You stay

in  Ranaghat  and wait.” At this time Linton Saheb  also  gave  a

certificate to me.

 

218.  As  long  as times are bad you can not  see  anything  [but

unhappiness].  But when times are good everthing is happy in  all

directions.  On the 9th of February I received three letters  [of

emphloyment].  One  was  a letter from Linton  Saheb.  He  wrote,

saying,  “Rasika Babu, the clerk of Maherpur has died, and If you

wish you can go to Maherpur and secure that position.” The second

letter was from Heeley Saheb.  He wrote, “My dear Babu, I am glad

to  say that you have been appointed Deputy Registrar at  Chapra.

If you have not yet got your letter of appointment you had better

come down at once for it. Yours sincerely, Wilfred L. Heeley.”

 

220.  The third letter was from the government.  That letter  was

[about] my job in Chapra.  Dated 5th February 1866,  [I was given

the  post of] Special Deputy Registrar of Assurances with  powers

of  a Deputy magistrate and Deputy Collector of the 6th grade  of

the Sub Executive Service salary.

 

221. I was very happy to receive these letters. I went to meet my

supreme benefactor, Heeley Saheb, but he had gone to Orissa. When

I learnt this I returned. Setting out with Sri Kanta Mukhopadyaya

and Yogendra Chatopadhyaya and one Western bearer, and with a dog

named Tiger I got in Chooadanga, I [finally] arrived in Chapra. I

took  up  residence in a second story apartment  near  the  court

house  and began my work.  The language of the west was  Urdu.  I

[found]  a  teacher and I began to learn Urdu  and  Pharsi.  Grey

Saheb was the Collector then.  Taking permission from him I  went

to Ranaghat and fetched my wife.

 

222. Everything in Chapra was good, only…. I would have to take

an  examination.  For that purpose I began to study law.  When  I

took  charge of the office of Registrar I went from time to  time

to see the villages in the Maphahsval. While going to Simuriya to

verify a power of attorney I met Babu Brahma Dev  Narayan.  Godna

was  the place of Gautamashrama,  [‘Gautama Muni’s  Ashram’].  It

was  there  that  Ahalya had become stone  [when  cursed  by  her

husband,  Gautama].  Gautamashram  was the place where the  Nyaya

Sastra  [scripture dealing with logic] was born.  ‘As this  is  a

sacred place, there should be aschool of logic here’ — with this

thought  in  mind  I organised a meeting and  gave  a  speech  on

Gautama.  As  a  result of that speech I had  a  discussion  with

respectable gentlemen from all over the area.  They considered me

a  friend who wished the best for the locality.  At that time  no

effort was made to collect any money.  I heard from the mouth  of

Bandhubar  Raya,   Taraprasad  Mukhopadhyaya  and  Bahadur   Ukil

Mahasaya  that  there was a school of nyaya in  Godna  which  was

supported even by Europeans.

 

223. At the outset my relations with the English people of Chapra

were  not good.  The Indigo planters,  the doctor and the  police

saheb formed one group and made trouble for me.  Even though each

of them had separate affairs,Ünevertheless, everybody’s intention

towards me was bad.  The European Indigo planters were trying  to

get perferential treatment from the [Registrar’s] office over the

native Zamindars.  In this matter I was no help because [to offer

any  preference] would have been exceedingly  wrong.  The  doctor

saheb  had  previously been in charge of the  Registrar’s  Office

and he used to get a little money [on the side].  He did not  get

it any more because of me and he thus  became  hostile.

 

224. Because I was not able to bear any impropiety on the part of

the police the police were unhappy. Be that as it may, Grey Saheb

was not able to get a little money [?] and Holiday Saheb came and

took over his post. My enemies whispered many bad things about me

in  the  ear of this great soul.  At first  the  feeling  between

Holiday Saheb and myself was very difficult. But gradually, after

a  short time,  by the grace of God and with the help  of  Heeley

Saheb,  I  caused him to see the truth.  And after he  made  some

exertions [on my behalf] all of my enemies became my friends.

 

225.  Everyone  in Chapra became my friends.  The  lawyer,  Kesab

Babu,  alway supported my point of view. The Judge Saheb also was

favourable towards me.

 

The people of Chapra made many kinds of pickle. A certain type of

vinegar pickle was the best.  I began to make it. [Their] mustard

oil pickle had a pleasant taste and I began to make that also. At

that time I ate a lot of fish and meat.  I had known that killing

animals  was bad for a long time,  but I had a strong  desire  to

enjoy fish and meat.

 

226.  I  ate a lot of fish in Chapra,  but it was not very  good.

Therefore,  I ate more goat meat.  After the prolonged eating  of

food  of  this kind combined with red chillies and  mustard  seed

pickle,   I  developed  a  bleeding  ulcer.  The  first  [attack]

occurred on a full moon day. Gradually I got pains every new moon

and  full moon day.  It took 5 to 7 days from the day  the   pain

started  for it to go away.  So much sufferring!  When  the  pain

[started]  I automatically sufferred from vomiting and  diarrhoea

for 10 to 17 hours.  At first I went to the doctor,  and a  close

friend,  Manohar Babu,  gave me medical treatment.  Thereafter, I

tried  Moslem natural medicine.  Finally,  Mahendra Mama  brought

some  Ayur Vedic herbs from the jungle and a local Vaidya made  a

little medicine.

 

227.  But none of these things worked.  The first time I went  to

Bhagalpur  to take the examination I was unsuccessful.  I  was  a

little anxious because I was not sure if I would be able to  take

the  examination.  My health became very bad and I wanted  to  be

tranferred  to  another place.  There being no  opportunity  for a

mutual transfer,   I  travelled to the west [of India] during the

pooja season.  My office superintendent,  Narasimha  Prasad,  and

Kasi  Babu the Collector Head Clerk,  a brahmana and one  servant

[accompanied  me]  on the trip.   After 13 days  we  returned  to

Chapra,  having travelled to Vrindavan,  Mathura,  Agra,  Prayag,

Mrijpur and Kasi. Moreover, while on the train I met Bimal Visvas

Mahasaya  who  promised to send some  medicine  from  Vidyasagara

Mahasaya.

 

Even in those days there was no great firmness in Hinduism  [Arya

Dharma].  My bhakti was mixed with jnana.  Therefore,  I did  not

enjoy the happiness experienced by the pure bhakta while I was in

Vrindavan.  Instead,  when  I  reached  Kasi I had  a  cold  from

drinking  Yamuna  water.  In  Prayag  I shaved  my  head  and  in

Vrindavan I spoke with Raja Radha Kanta.

 

229.  He was pleased to see me. At that time he was reading Garga

Samhita.  When  I saw the temples of Sridham Vrindavan  I  became

happy.  But I did not properly honour the devotees.  In Kanpur  I

fell into the hands of a false friend,  but before he could  show

any strength from his hands I was rescued.  The pandars in Prayag

were  the worst class of men.  They tried to give us a  difficult

time, but they could do very little.

 

230.  As  soon  as  I  returned to Chapra  I  received  a  herbal

prescription  [from  Bimal Visvas?] but there was a  delay  while

Multani Hing was searched for. The examination was approaching so

I  studied very hard.  Mathuranath Teoyari made  an  astrological

calculation and said,  “This time you  will definitely  pass  the

examination.” Because of the condition of my body I did not  have

so  much confidence.  That year [I suffered] the pain of  colitis

and  various kinds of heart pains.  Once more we [travelled  and]

went to see a fair in Sonapur,  where we stayed in a tent. During

this leave of absence the Registrar General, Beverley Saheb, came

to see me at my office,  but he had to wait [for my return]. When

I  returned I heard of his waiting and went to see  him.  He  was

very  happy.   He  said,  “This  time  you  study  hard  for  the

examination.”

 

231.  When  I went this time to take the examination in  Patna  I

stayed  at the house of my friend,  Guruprasad  Sena.  Vamacharan

Bandyopadhyaya  accompanied me.  I took the examination and  then

returned.  Having  taken  the exam and returning to  Chapra  from

Patna I saw that Srimati Kadambani had been born.  This  daughter

was  very beautiful.  But once she almost died due to  a  stomach

disease.  At  that time Sadu used to move around by crawling  and

she would play with Tiger.  Babbling she would say, “Gaitha le ai

le  ai” etc.  Kadu was born on the 29th of Caitra 1788.  At  this

time  Annada  was making mischief,  as he moved around  he  would

wrestle with the servant, Makhan.

 

232.  In  the month of June I received news of  being  successful

in the examination. Beverley Saheb wrote this note:

 

“5th June 1867

 

My dear Baboo,

 

You will be glad to hear that you have passed your examination. We

met to consider the report this morning.

 

Yours truly,

H. Beverley”

 

233. I was very happy, but due to my physical condition I was not

hopeful.  I  was waiting [for some improvement in my health]  but

did  not see any change in my condition so I made a firm  resolve

to transfer.

 

234.  During  the time I was in Chapra there was  no  unhappiness

except for my stomach ailment.  Holiday Saheb was a close  friend

of mine.  But there was a lot of pressure on me.  I thus wrote to

Beverley  Saheb requesting a transfer and he exerted  himself  in

this regard.  While I was in Chapra,  on the 8th of June 1867, in

accordance with rule 21, I was appointed assessor. On the 16th of

October  1867  Beverley Saheb secured me a position  as  the  Sub

Registrar  of  Assurances  of the Sub Districts  of  Purneah  and

Krishnaganj.

 

235.  Holiday Saheb was not happy to hear the news of my transfer

and he said,  “You are junping from the frying pan into the fire.

What  illness will you [need to] be cured of [when you  get  to?]

Purneah.” But then I had a new position.  I moved my family  from

Chapra  to Ranaghat and then proceeded to Purneah with a  bearer,

Kali  and  Sri  Kanta.  I took an Examination  in  Bhagalpur  and

arrived  in  Purneah in the month of November and stayed  in  the

house  of Amrta Babu.  On the way there was a mighty rain  storm.

There  were  no  solid houses in the  backwaters  of  Purneah.  I

constructed  a  straw house and stayed there.  A few  days  after

having the house built I brought my family there.

 

236.   Everybody  came to Purneah in order to attend to me in  my

illness.  I stayed in Purneah for fifteen days and then I went to

Krishnaganj  for fifteen days.  Wargan Saheb,  the  Collector  of

Purneah  became  my  friend.    When I worked  in  the  court  at

Krishnaganj I stayed in a tent.

 

During the time I stayed in Purneah I prepared the   prescription

sent  by Vidyasagar Mahasaya.  I could get Multani  Hing  nowhere

except  the  Bathget  Company.   First  ‘khai’  was  prepared  by

measuring 5 tolas of ginger powder,  2 tolas of black salt and  2

tolas of borax.

 

237.  A 16th of an anna of hing [was required].  First one  mixes

together the ginger powder in the juice from horse-raddish  skin;

then one pounds in the black salt. Next, one pounds in the sohaga

khai [borax?]. Finally one mixes in the hing. There is no measure

for the amount of horse-raddish-skinÜjuice.  To the extent  [that

one  adds the juice] — [the mixture must be  sufficiently]  well

pounded.  Fifty-four  pills were made [in this fashion] and  were

kept  in  a stoppered file.  I took two pills twice  a  day  with

water.  For  twenty-seven days my convalesence diet consisted  of

aged rice,  easily digested green vegetables cooked in aged ghee,

and  milk.  I could not eat luchi,  ruti,  pitha [a sweet  cake],

methai [sweetmeats],  kancha taila [fresh oil], taila pakva [aged

oil],  tarakari [vegetables cooked in their own juices with  ghee

and spices],  bhuja, bhuji, amla, shak, dahl, chinra [flat rice],

and meat,  but fish,  if fresh, could be eaten in aged ghee. This

was  the rule for what could and could not be eaten  for  exactly

twenty-seven days. A little excess milk was not injurious.

 

238.  I  took the medicine while in Purneah.  My bowel  movements

became  free  [of  blood].  To the extent that I  had  the  bowel

movements  there  was an increase in strength.  At  this  time  I

studied for a law examination,  but the results were poor.  As  a

result  of  taking these herbs my pain ceased.

 

I  received a letter of praise from the government, dated 21st  of

August  1868,  for  my good work in building up  the  offices  in

Purneah  and Krishnaganj.  Previously I had received a letter  of

reconmendation  for my work in Chapra dated Septmeber 10th  1867.

Suddenly this letter arrived:

 

239.

 

General Registery

Office

5 Wellesley Place

The 26th Feb. 1868

 

My dear Sir,

 

As   it   is   the  intention  of  the   Govt.   to   organize   a

separate Registration  Service,   distinct  from  the  Subordinate

Executive Service, I request that you will let me know whether you

would prefer  to remain a Sub Registrar as at present  subject  to

such  regulations reagarding the constitution of the  service  as

may  be passed hereafter,  or to be relieved of all  Registration

duties  at  once  and  be  transferred  wholly  to  the  Judicial

Department,  that  is  supposing  the  Lieutenant  Government  is

pleased   to  confirm  your  appointment.   If  you   remain   in

Sub-executive Service you will of course be required to pass  the

usual  department Examinations.  I beg the favour of a  reply  by

return of post.

 

Yours truly

H.Beverley To Babu Kedar Nath Dutt

 

240. I gave an answer as follows:

 

Purneah

 

2/3/68

 

My dear Sir,

 

I have this day recieved your favour of the 26th ultimo. I beg to

reply  as  follows.  As I do not understand  the  conditions  and

prospects  of  the new contemplated Registration  Service  I  can

scarcely submit a satisfactory preference either to the  Judicial

Department  or to the new service.  What I gather from your  kind

letter  and  specially from the concluding part of  it,  is  that

there  will  be  no  further examination  to  which  I  shall  be

subjected,  were  I prefer to be a Sub Registrar as  at  present,

thrown apart from the Subordinate Executive. I must humbly submit

that  I shall gladly remain a Sub Resgistrar on condition that  I

shall  have  prospects  of promotion  without  passing  any  more

examinations  at  all.  But  in case His  Honour  the  Lieutenant

Governor  be pleased to prescribe any further examination for  me

in  the  Registration  Service,  also my prayer  is  then  to  be

transferred   wholly  to  the  Judicial  Department   Subordinate

Executive service.

 

Yours truly,

sd. Kedar Nath Dutt

 

241.  After  writing the above letter I waited [for a reply]  and

during that time came down with fever. Because of that I had much

trouble  living in Krishnaganj,  but I recovered.  At  this  time

Beverley Saheb came to Krishnaganj and inspected the office. When

I told him about my illness,  he said,  “What the decision of the

Lietenant  Governor Saheb will be  I do not know.  I will  assign

you  to  the Registar Office and put you in the Mungar  group  in

Bhajapur.”  I was pleased.

 

In Purneah Kadambani had her first-grains ceremony.  On the  18th

or 19th of March I recieved a letter from Sri Yuta Dampier Saheb.

 

242.

Bengal Secretariate

The 17th March 1868

 

My dear Sir,

 

I  have  just seen your letter to Mr.  Beverley of  2nd  Feb.ÜYou

write, I think under the misapprehesion that the promotion in the

Registry  Department will be likely to be as good and to rise  as

high as it does on the Subordinate Executive Service.  But  there

is a mistake: if such were to be the case of course there will be

Examinations to pass in that Department also. Besides which, from

the  opinion which I was able to form when I had the pleasure  of

meeting  you  at  Ranaghat I am sure you need  be  afraid  of  no

Examinations,  and  that  you will be much more valuable  to  the

State  as  an  Executive  and Judical  Officer  than  as  a  mere

Registrar.  The  Lieutenant Governor has therefore directed  that

you  be  employed in the regular line.  You are  to  relieve  Mr.

Tweedle at Dinajpur who takes two months leave.

 

Yours faithfully

H.L. Dampier

 

243.  After a couple of letters along these lines I became Deputy

Magistrate  in  Dinajpur.  Taking a  palanquin,  I  proceeded  to

Dinajpur.  My  intention was to speak to many people and  arrange

for a permanent residence and bring my family there.  But  before

that Ratneswar Babu appeared in Purneah. He stayed in my house in

Purneah  and I came to Dinajpur.  I wrote to  Dampier  Saheb.  He

said,   “Now  you  will  likely  spend  a  considerable  time  in

Dinajpur.”  I  took a palanquin and brought my  whole  family  to

Dinajpur.  I  stayed  very healthy in  Dianjpur.  Mama  Ratneswar

procured the position of Assistant Clerk [in Purneah].

 

244.  In Dinajpur the Vaishnava religion was fairly strong due to

Raya  Kamalochan  Saheb.  There were many  Vairagis  and  Gosa¤is

coming  and going there.  A number of rich people supported  many

brahmana  pandit  assemblies.  Some respectable  gentlemen  would

regularly come to me and discuss Vaishnava dharma. I had a desire

to  know  the geniune Vaishnava dharma.  I wrote  to  our  agent,

Pratap Chandra Raya, and he sent a translation of Bhagavatam, and

Chaitanya Charitamrita.  I also brought a book named  Bhaktamala.

On  my  first  reading of Chaitanya Charitamrita  I  developed  a

little faith in Sri Chaitanya.

 

245.  On  the second reading I understood that no pandit was  the

equal of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.  Yet there was a doubt [in my mind

to  the  effect] that — being this sort of  pandit,  and  having

revealed the reality of love to such a degreee, how is it that He

recomends  the worship of the improper character of  Krishna?  At

first I was amazed and I reflected on this.  Afterwards I  prayed

to  God  with  great  humility,  “O  God!,  please  give  me  the

understanding by which I may know the secret of this matter.” The

mercy of God is without limit.  Seeing my eagerness and  humility

He  showed  mercy  to me within a a  few  days,  and  I  received

theÜintelligence by which I could understand.

 

246.  Then  I  could understood that Krsna Tattva  is  very  deep

[confidential]  and the highest principle of the science of  God.

From  this  time  on,   I  had  knowledge  of  God  in  Chaitanya

Mahaprabhu. I made constant efforts to converse with many Vairagi

Vaishnava pandits, and I understood many aspects of the Vaishnava

religion.  The  seed  of  faith  in the  Vaishnava  religion  was

planted  in  my  heart in my childhood,  and since  then  it  had

sprouted.  From  the  first  I experienced  anuraga  [service  to

Krishna  within  the mind according to  one’s  natural  spiritual

tendency  under  the  guidance of one of the gopas  or  gopis  of

Vraja] and it was very good. I liked to read about Krishna Tattva

day and night. Previously I had obtained Chaitanya Gita and I was

known by the name Sachchidananda Prem…lankara in this book [?].

 

247.  At  this  time  there was a lot  of  fighting  between  the

Hindus  and  the  Brahmos in  Dinajpur.  The  schoolmasters  were

Brahmos  but  almost everyone else was  Hindu.  The  Hindus  were

endeavouring to put the Brahmos out of their caste.  At that time

the  Brahmos invited me to come to their assembly and I wrote  to

them  saying that I was not a Brahmo,  but was a servant  of  the

many  followers of Chaitanya.  When the Brahmos heard  this  they

gave up hope of my [becoming a Brahmo].  The Hindus invited me to

form  a sabha [for the Hindus] and the first meeting was held  in

the  house of Khajanji Babu.   I gave a lecture on the  Bhagavata

which was published as a book. A few Sahebs heard the lecture and

were impressed.

 

248.  Previous  to this meeting I had not heard  Manoharshahi  [a

type  of  kirtan] singing.  I was impressed to  hear  the  Shreni

singing,  first  of  Shiromani Mahasaya and  then  of  Madansimha

Mahasaya.  He  who  is  able to sing  the  kirtan  of  Mahaprabhu

Chaitanya Deva in the style of Manoharshahi —  that person alone

will I hear.

 

249. At that time I had a son. But after one month and a few days

he died. My wife was very sad. At the same time she also received

news of the death of her father,  though I kept it secret for one

or  two days.  Deciding that it was time I told my wife  and  two

unhappinesses  combined and made one unhappiness.  The  Chaturthi

Kriya  [the obsequial rites performed by a married woman  on  the

fourth day after the death of one of her parents] were completed.

After this I thought of moving from Dinajpur.

 

250.  According  to the government order,  on March 17th 1868   I

became the assessor at Dinajpur. I met with Srikantaji. I saw the

river Atreya.  At that time I made an application for a  vacation

and  on 29th of May 1869 I got three months privilege  leave.  In

the  month  of  Jyaistha  there  was  a  huge storm.  Immediately

afterwards  I crossed the Hoogly River and went to our  house  in

Ranaghat  with  my family. At the time of my  departure  all  the

people of Dinajpur were unhappy. [Thereafter,] I travelled as far

as  Maldah  by boat. I waited for the floodwater to  subside  and

the  storm  [to  cease] at the house  of  the  Deputy  Magistrate

AmbikaÜChaudhuri. Then, I crossed Raj Mahal in an ox cart.

 

251.  I took the law examination in Dinajpur  but I was unable to

pass it.  Mama Ratnesvara was detained in Dinajpur.  We went  and

stayed  at that house [?].  Mahendra Mama come to  Ranaghat  from

time  to time and stayed there.  I visited many places  with  him

and  at the end of my break I returned to Dinajpur.  I worked  in

Dinajpur for two more months then I transfered to Champarn. After

reporting  on time,  I had hoped to go home [to Ranaghat for  his

child’s   birth?],   but  the  government  did  not  permit   it.

Thereafter,  Radhika Prasada took birth in the house in Ranaghat.

I was not able to reach the house before he was born.  Taking Sri

Kanta I went to Champarn.  At the year’s end [the following]  was

written  about  my work in Dinajpur:  “Babu Kedar Nath  Dutt  Dy.

Magistrate is a good officer and improves with experience.”

 

252.  Radhika was born in Pausa Masa [winter time]. At the time I

was in Matihari.  Collector Metcalf Saheb liked me very much.  He

went to Nepal to settle the boundary and I remained in charge  of

the  gaol.  I had a minor dispute with the European  doctor,  but

Metcalf Saheb was on my side and intervened.  This time I studied

law intensively.

 

253.  I made a plan with Metcalf Saheb to the effect that I would

take  the  examination  in  Chapra,  proceed  to  the  house  [in

Ranaghat]  and return with the whole family.  For that reason  he

requested  Commisioner  Jenkins  for an  additional  fifteen  day

vacation  [for  me] and on the expectation of  consent  from  the

government  he  approved it.  I went to the house  and  took  the

examination.  At  that time I spent a few days at the  house  and

Metcalf Saheb wrote,  saying,  “You should come immediately.  The

Accountant General has stated that this is not the time for  your

leave.”

 

254. Upon coming to Calcutta, I came to know that the Secretaries

Office had transferred me to Cattack.  I had had a desire to goto

Puri.  I was told,  “It is best that you go to Ranaghat; a letter

of transfer to Puri is coming.” I went to Ranaghat and after 2 or

3  days  I received approval to proceed to  Puri.  At  that  time

Radhika was a baby,  so I decided to go ahead alone; thus, taking

one  Srimad  Bhagavatam  and Chaitanya  Charitamrita  I  went  to

Calcutta  with the intention of going to Puri.  While staying  at

the  house of Bholanath Babu I made arrangements for  [on  behalf

of?] the offical government residence [in Puri].

 

255. Later, when I went to the Secretar[iat?] Office I heard that

Metcalf  Saheb  was  planning  to take  Metcalf  Saheb  [eh?]  to

Matihari. I did not want to delay so I made my way to Puri. Going

as  far  Uluberi by boat,  I arrived in Midnapure  by  palanquin.

Thereafter,  I went to the house of my inlaws at Jakpur and  then

set out for Puri. After four days I reached Puri, one night being

spent in Bhadrak,  one night in Balesvar [Balasore] and one night

in Cuttack.

 

Upon  arriving in Puri I went to see my old friend Yadu  Babu  at

the offical government residence.  I rented a brick house in  the

neighborhood of Baro Danda. Every day I went to see Jagannatha at

Sri  Mandir.  At the time of darsan I remembered the emotions  of

Sri  Mahaprabhu and I felt very happy.  All of the Mahatis  there

were  Vaishnava and I began to appreciate the  happiness  derived

from associating with them.

 

A few days before I arrived Ambika Chaudhuri was also transferred

there.  He was an orthodox Sakta.  He made a lot of effort in Sri

Kshetra [the Dhama in which Puri is situated] but he was not able

to establish himself.  After this he transfered to Jajpur.  For a

few months I was alone,  then,  after the Pooja season I  brought

all of my family there.

 

257.   Sri  Kanta  Mukhopaddhyaya  remained  behind,  holding  my

possessions at my residence in Matihari.  Metcalf Saheb  detained

him  there.  He made great efforts to bring me back to  Matihari,

but when he was not able he released Sri Kanta. Sri Kanta took my

household  things  to Ranaghat and after that he came as  far  as

Puri.

 

258.  Kshetra Babu had a house and when Ambika Babu [the  tenant]

vacated it I took it over. Deputy Annada Ghosh came and stayed in

my house at Mandal Kota.  Because of Kshetra Babu my whole family

came and stayed at the house.  Mother,  Annada, my wife, Radhika,

Sadu,  Kadu,  Sej Didi and Nutan Didi stayed together this time.

Everyone was happy to see Lord Jagannatha.

 

259. After two or three months Kadu came down with a fever. After

several  doctors had tried Dr.  Stewart was finally able to  cure

her.  At the time this was amazing.

 

In Orissa, one Jagannatha Das had a sect called the Atibaris. The

story  is  that in the beginning,  on the  order  of  Mahaprabhu,

Jagananth was a follower of Haridas Thakur.  Later on he gave  up

pure devotion and took shelter of Mayavada philosophy; Mahaprabhu

rejected him and for this reason he is known as Atibari.

 

260.  This  Atibari  group is secretive  and  extends  throughout

Bengal as do the Bauls.  This sect has many forged books  wherein

it is written that Chaitanya will reappear.  In this group  there

are  some  wicked  people who  immitate  Sri  Chaitanya,  Brahma,

Baladeva,   or  Krishna.  One  person,  known  as  Bisakishan,  a

sconderel who had obtained a little yogic power,  was  celebrated

as  Mahavishnu Himself.  He had started to establish a Temple  at

Chatira Krosa within the jungle near Saradaipur with the help  of

his followers.

 

261.  It  was  written in the Malika of the Atibaris  that  there

would be a fight on the 14th of Chaitra and that Mahavishnu would

then  reveal His four armed form.  When this news spread  around,

all  the  wives  of  the  [local]  Brahmanas  deviated  from  the

brahmanical  regulations and went to serve him.  When  there  was

some turmoil among theÜwomen of the Chaudhuris of Bringarpur  the

men  of  that  place informed Commisioner  Robins.  He  wrote  to

Commisioner  Walton saying,  “Send Kedar Babu to investigate  and

send the District Superintendent with him.” Walton Saheb sent  me

and  I  went  at night to the jungle and  spoke  in  detail  with

Mahavishnu and he revealed his vow to destroy the English Raj.

 

262.   Sitting   behind  me   in  a   palanquin,   the   District

Superindendent Saheb heard the entire conversation.  With us were

two  Kayastha  police and a few Sikh constables who  also  heard.

That day we said nothing to him,  but returned to Saradaipur  and

stayed there in a tent.  The next day we went and got papers [and

directed?] the police to investigate his group.  I gave the order

to arrest him. Mahavishnu had many followers, therefore, in order

to fetch him back so they might not release him on the  way,  the

District  Superintendent brought many constables and  chaukidhars

and brought him to the Puri Gaol. I went to Bhuvanesvara. Back at

my place in Puri Pandit Gopinath Misra and other pandits came and

assembled.  In the afternoon I visited Khandagiri. Khandagiri was

the site of a Buddhist monastery. Inthe midst of Parvat Sreni was

Griha Sreni which was very beautiful.

 

263.  On returning to Puri the trial of Mahavisnu was  begun.  At

the conclusion of a trial which lasted many days I sentenced  him

to  one  and  a half years in jail.  When his hair  was  cut  his

followers declared him to be a cheater and abandoned him.  During

the  few days of the trial there were almost one thousand of  his

followers in Puri and  there were distrubances all over the town.

At  that  time there was a fire at the Puri School  and  all  the

people  suspected him [as being responsible].  Also at this  time

Kadur came down with fever. Bisikishan had practised yoga, and by

some means had acquired some yogic siddhi.  I had obtained a  lot

of evidence against him.  For 21 days he did not eat even a  drop

of  water yet he did not exhibit any weakness and gave  unfailing

medicine to many many people.  For his punishment Bisakishan  was

sent to the Gaol at Midnapur and there he died.  In Yajpur Brahma

took  control  of the group,  annd like  Bisakishan  he  recieved

punishment.  In Khorada Baladev was beginning [to misbehave]  and

he also received punishment.

 

264.  In Puri I made a lot of [spiritual] progress.  I  appointed

Gopinatha Pandit to help with my study.  With his  assistance,  I

first  studied the twelve cantos of the Bhagavatam with  Sridhara

Svami’s   commentary.   I  began  studying  the  Bhagavata   with

Hariharadas Mahapatra and Markendeya Mahapatra,  but after 5 or 7

days  they lagged behind,  so I began to tutor  them.  Previously

they had been to Kashi and Nadiya to study Vedanta and Nyaya.

 

265.  I  did not have much skill in Sanskrit  grammar.  While  in

Calcutta  I read books on literature with the help of  Vidyasagar

Mahasaya  and Baro Dada [Satyendranath Tagore].  After  that,  in

Midnapore,  I discussed literature and thereafter in Dinajpur and

Matihari. In Puri I studied books thoroughly. After finishing the

Bhagavata I made a copy of the Sat Sandarbha and read it.  Then I

copied and read the Vedanta commentary,  Govinda Bhasya,  written

by Baladeva. Then I read the Bhaktirasamrita Sindhu. Thereafter I

made a copy of the Haribhakti Kalpalatika.

 

266.  Little  by little I began to write in Sanskrit  myself.  In

Puri I wrote a book in Sanskrit entitled Datta Kaustubha. Many of

the  verses of the Sri Krsna Samhita were composed at this  time.

In  order to improve the health of Kadambani I changed our  house

and moved for a while near the Brahmo leader Nilamani and  rented

a  house  from Kali Chaudhuri near Sraddhavali in  front  of  the

gaol.  I  performed  abandant  devotional  service.  Paramananda,

Nityananda  and a few others studied Bhagavat with  me.  At  that

time  we  would hold Bhagavata discourses in the gardens  of  Sri

Jagannath Vallabha.

 

267.  Mahanta  Narayan Das,  Mohan Das,  Uttar  Parsver  Mahanta,

Harihara  Das,  and  other pandits used to  attend  the  meeting.

Babaji Kantadhari and Raghunatha Dasa Mahasaya became angry about

my meetings and prevented many people from coming. Raghunath Dasa

Babaji used to stay at Hati Akhada at that time.  Babaji Mahasaya

was a siddha-purusa,  and thus he could know all matters. After a

few  days he became close friends with me and said,  “When I  saw

that you do not have tilak or mala [rosary],  I was disrespectful

and have committed an offense.  Please forgive me.” I replied, “O

Babaji,  what wrong have I done?  Tilak and mala are given by the

Diksha Guru and thus far the Lord has not given me a Diksha Guru.

I  am  reciting  Harinama  japa on beads  only.  Is  it  good  to

whimsically  take tilak and mala?” Babaji understood all of  this

and praised me and showed mery to me, and I became his follower.

 

268. The Bhajankutir of Sanatana was on the way to the samadhi of

Haridas  Thakura,  near the Temple of Tota Gopinatha.  There  the

dispassionate Babji’s would perform bhajan.  Svarupa Dasa  Babaji

also performed bhajana there.  Mahatma Svarupa Dasa Babaji was an

imcomprable Vaishnava.

 

269.  Throughout  the entire day he would perform bhajana  within

his  kutir  [cottage].  In  the evening he would go  out  to  his

courtyard  and  make obeisance to Tulasi and sing and  cry  while

perfroming Harinama keertan.  At this juncture all the Vaishnavas

would  go to see him.  At that time some people would give him  a

little handful of mahaprasada.  In order to satisfy his hunger he

would consent to [accept] this [prasada],  but he would not  take

much.  Someone would then read Chaitanya Bhagavata or some  other

book and he would listen.  By 10 o’clock at night he would retire

to his kutir and begin his bhajan again.

 

270.  When  it  was  still dark out he would go to  the  shore of

the  ocean and wash his face and take a complete  bath.   He  was

afraid  lest  some Vaishnava would perform some service  for  him

without his knowing.  His two eyes were blind, so how he was  able

to go to the ocean in the night to take bath etc. only Mahaprabhu

knows.  There was no doubt that he was a siddha-purusha.  He  did

not have a single material desire.  Sometimes, I would go to take

his darsan of his lotus feet after nightfall.  He would talk with

the people and his speech would be very sweet.  He had gave  this

instruction to me, “You never forget the name of Krishna.”

 

271.  When  I  stayed  in Puri I made a  lot  of  advancement  in

devotional service. I became more detached in my worldly life and

there  was no longer any misunderstanding that  worldly  progress

might produce anything of lasting value. Generally  I would go to

the  temple for darsan,  nama kirtan,  sravan,  and  sadhu  sanga

everyday in the evening.  Any day that I did not eat adahar  dahl

[pigeon  pea  soup]  I would not feel satisfied.  As  soon  as  I

entered the temple someone would give me dahl.

 

272. On one side in the temple was the Mukti Mandap and there the

brahmanas would sit and teach. All of them were Mayavadis. When I

went  near them my mind felt disturbed,  therefore,  I would  sit

near the Goddess Laksmi Mandir or the Sri Mahaprabhu  Pada-padma.

When  we sat there many pandits from the Muktimandap  would  come

and sit [with us].  I named this place Bhaktiprajnan. Our learned

meetings at this place gradually developed nicely.

 

273.  Just  as the Jagannatha Temple is very lofty and  beautiful

so  also was the seva wonderful.  To see that pastime of  service

charms  one’s  mind.   Five-  to sevn-hundred  people  are  daily

present  to  behold  the routine festivals such  as  the  evening

aratika.  What  bliss!  Many kinds of participants come from  all

over  India to attend the religious festivals.  Seeing  this  the

eyes are soothed.  O Lalu,  only when you see all these  pastimes

with   a  pure  heart  can  the  servants  [of  Jagannatha?]   be

understood.

 

274.  There  were many Yatras [celebrated there],  such  as  Dola

Yatra, Ratha Yatra etc. I had the responsibility of watching over

these festivals.  Taking many constables and several  Karmacharis

with  me,  I made so much effort to oversee the pilgrims  that  I

cannot write of it.  I would make favourable arrangements for the

pilgrims  to  see the Deity  and to take  Prasada,  and  to  hear

complaints  from  the people.  The king  and  suchlike,  and  the

Karmacharis  of the temple used to commit many  illegal  acts.  I

would go there to prevent all such things and thus I made enemies

of  the  king and the king’s men.  Because I was helped  by  Lord

Jagannatha no one was able to harm me in any way.   I served Lord

Jagannatha at my ease for almost five years.

 

275.  While  in Sri Purushottama Kshetra I changed  my  residence

several times. Finally, by the grace of Ramachandra Atya, I got a

house [of my own?].  On the night of the 16th of Magh 1278  [1872

A.D.] Kamala Prasada was born in the resdidence of Kali Chaudhuri

by the pond,  Sraddavali.  And then, on the 25 of Magh 1280 [1874

A.D.],  Bimala  Prasada  took birth in the house  of  Ramachandra

Atya.  All  of  the auspicious ceremonies  such  as  anna-prasana

[first eating of grains] were performed with Jagannatha  prasada.

We  gave  up all Karma-kanda activities and  depended  solely  on

prasada.

 

276. As soon as I arrived in Puri I got all the registration work

and because of that I received a minor [promotion]. In 1870 I was

promoted to the 5th grade,  for which I received a salary of  300

Rupees  per month.  And in that year I got the full powers  of  a

Magistrate.  I  spent  the  time  in  Puri  in  great  happiness,

observing  the festivals,  and acquiring knowledge and  devotion.

Sri  Purushottam  Kshetra is directly Vaikuntha,  what  doubt  is

there?  I  did  not like to leave this place but  then  Sadu  was

getting  older and I had to return to Bengal in order to  arrange

her marriage.  Thus,  in November of 1874,  I took a three  month

vacation. Sej Didi and Nutan Didi had already left. Mother, wife,

sons  and daughters took a train to Midnapur and I sent  them  on

the road home.

 

277. Madusudan Khutir was my host. He was extremely wealthy and a

very good man.  His assistant,  Basu Upadhyaya, brought my family

to Calcutta.  I waited [in Puri] until I was free from  work.  In

the  month of January I was free and together with  Bangli  Babu,

Haralal  Mitra  and  Narendra  Datta we  came  to  Chandavali  by

palanquin  and then took a boat.  My family came to Calcutta  and

Bholanath  Babu  made arrangements for then to stay  in  a  small

house in Harivardhan street. When I arrived they were waiting and

I took them to the house in Ranaghat.

 

278.  Before  I  came Mahendra Mama was staying at the  house  in

Ranaghat  and  he was faring well.  Upon arriving in  Ranaghat  I

began to look for a boy for Sadu.  Being in Krishnanagar,  I went

to  see Navadvipa Dhaama,  Samudragar Kalna,  and Santipur and  I

returned  to Ranaghat.  This time I did not get any happiness  in

Sri Navadvipa Dhama.  One is disinclined to practise religion and

suchlike  in the association of an atheist like  Parasuram  Mama.

From  this  I  learned that when one goes  on  pilgrimage  it  is

absolutely essential to shun bad association.

 

279.  Returning to the house on Ranaghat,  I went from thence  to

Calcutta  and  met  with Hilley Saheb.  At the time  he  was  the

Inspector General of Prisons and he was ill and very weak. He was

very affectionate to me and he asked he many questions.   He gave

a  letter  to  Secretary Thomson Saheb in order  to  get  [me]  a

transfer to this region [Bengal]. I met with Thomson Saheb and he

said,  “Very well;  take a vacation and let me know what you want

and I will give you a transfer.” I could not find a boy for  Sadu

and my leave came to an end.

 

280.  While I was in Ranaghat Thomson Saheb sent news to me  that

according  to  the  written opinion  of  Commisioner  Robins  the

Governor  would send me to Puri again.   I  immediately  informed

Hilley Saheb. He was very concerned so he  requested Robins Saheb

to give me leave [from Puri].  Ah!  the kindness of that gracious

Hilley Saheb. Receiving that letter, RobinsÜSaheb gave me release

from Orissa with much grief and he wrote,  saying, “The residents

of  Orissa like Kedar Babu, whose returning to Orissa  was  worth

praying  for,  but due to the request of Hilley and  the  present

[need  for  the]  marriage of his daughter he does  not  have  to

return to Orissa.”

 

281.  At that time Thomson Saheb gave the Ararisa Sub division to

me.  The first time I went there I took my family. That place was

excellent. Campbell Saheb was the magistrate for a few months. In

the month of Agrahayan I sent my family home.  Srimati  Saudamini

married Sriman Charuchandra Majundar in Nihati. After taking an 8

day  vacation  during the month of Agrahayan at the time  of  the

marriage  I returned to the house.  Mahendra Mama made all of the

arrangements.   Returning   to  Ararisa  I  came  down   with   a

urinary disease. Doctor Pickali Saheb said that it was diabetes.

 

282.  With  the help of the local [doctor] who had a  machine,  I

discovered  that  the  ailment was  [due  to]  phosphatic  urine.

Though  I  drunk  the  juice of  the  Somanath  and  the  Vasanta

Kusumaka,  I did not get any relief.  Barada Prasada was born  on

the  15th of Asat 1283 Saka in Ranaghat.  In the month  of  March

1878 Biraja [a girl]  also took birth in Ranaghat. My illness was

giving me trouble so on the 16th of July 1877,  according to  the

order of the government,  I received permision to take two months

sick leave.  My wife was with me.  Mother and Annada were at  the

rented house in Calcutta.

283.  Annada  was studying in Calcutta.  I stayed in Arariya  for

three years.  I made a beautiful garden there. Sir Richard Temple

saw  it and was delighted by it.  George Ward Saheb was  saw  the

garden and was pleased too.  I would go to Calcutta and stay with

Annada  at Sundipara.  Doctor Coates Saheb examined my urine  and

prescribed  [a  medicine constisting of] one drop  of  liquor  of

stricnine,  one  drop  of nitric acid,  goksuradi  [?]  and  ghee

[because  previously  taking this had helped]  and  gradually  my

health  began  to improve.  Arrangements  were  made  for Annada’s

marriage. I took a few days vacation and went to Ranaghat for the

wedding.  On  the  27th  November  1877  according  to  orders  I

transferred  to  Mahibarekha.   There  was  a  lot  of  work   in

Mahibarekha.  The  misbehaviour  of  the  police  was  excessive.

Because I was near Calcutta I wanted to stay there.

 

284. Umaprasad Ghosh made much effort for the marriage of Annada.

At  the time I stayed in Mahiberekha I visited places like  Amta,

Khanakul, Syampur, etc. I was delighted to see the Shiva Deity of

Madan  Babu  at the Devi Temple in Amta.  My place  [?]  is  Gada

Bhavanipur which was near Chitrasenpur.

 

285.  That  very  place  was  the  Bhursut  Pargana  dwelling  of

Bharatchandra Raya. After two months, in the month of February, I

went to Bhadrak.  Leaving Calcutta by the boat, Sargent Lawrence,

I  went to Chandravali and thence to Bhadrak.  Chandravali is  in

theÜvicinity of Bhadrak.  I liked old Bhadrak. Previously, when I

was a teacher in Bhadrak,  Diyar Saheb was a Deputy [Magistrate].

He  and his wife had a lot of respect for me and they brought  me

to  the  Sub Divisional Residence.  While I was staying  at  that

house  I had written a small English book named Maths of  Orissa.

Doctor Hunter Saheb refers to my book in his History of Orissa.

 

286.  Becoming Deputy Magistrate myself I became the resident  of

 

that very house.  I was very happy to see the hedges and trees in

the garden.  Robins Saheb wrote a very affectionate letter to  me

requesting  me to return to Orissa.  I stayed alone there  for  a

months and I was not happy, so I brought my whole family. At this

time Bholanath Babu had the post of [?] in the Midnapur gaol.

 

287.  He  helped  my family on the way Bhadrak.  In  Bhadrak  the

people who I had previously known where few.  Balaram  Basu,  the

son  of  Radhamohan  Babu,  would generally  stay  in  my  house.

Sometimes Nimai Babu would come. There was not very much work for

me so whatever I did I did with great attention. On the 11th July

1878  the government gave me Summary Power.  At that time  Norman

Saheb  was  the  Magistrate.  On  the 14th  of  August  1878  the

government transferred me from Bhadrak to Narail

 

288.  I  arrived with my family in Midnapur on the footpath    by

means  of  a  palanquin placed on top of a  wagon.  I  stayed  in

Jakpur for one or two days.  At the time I was married in  Jakpur

it was beautiful but it had [in time] deteriorated. When I was in

Midnapur  I stayed for a day in the house of Doctor  Bhuvan  Babu

and then proceeded to Jakpur. From Jakpur I took a boat along the

canal and when I came to Ulaberi I boarded a steamer.  Thereafter

I arrived in Ranaghat.

 

289.  From  Ranaghat  I   went by  horse  carriage   via  Chakdar

straight  to Afra Ghat and from there by boat to Narail.  It  was

late  at  night [when we  arrived].  I,  my  son-in-law,  Annada,

Radhika and Kamal then walked some distance to the house.

 

290.   At  the  time  Umacharan  Ganguli  Babu  was  the   Deputy

Magistrate.  He  gave food to us with particular  attention.  The

next  day  I  learnt that Umacharan Babu did not  want  to  leave

Narail.   He  tried  to  arrange  [his  staying  there]   through

Magistrate  Page.  I wrote a letter to Secretary Cockerel and  he

wrote in reply that I should stay in Narail.  Umacharan Babu then

left.

 

291.  There  was  a  lot of work [to  be  done]  in  Narail.  The

Registrary  Office  was at hand and there was some  advantage  in

that. Atul Babu was the Munshef [administrator of justice] there.

It  was good to tour about the countryside while in  Narial.  One

could  travel all around by boat.  I would go at times to  places

like Laksmipasha, Kaliya etc. and hold court [there?]. After five

or six months I brought my family to Narail. When I was in Narail

I made acquaitance with Brett Saheb,  who came to Narail for  the

purpose  of hunting.  In Narail there were many important  people

but Chandra Babu was the foremost.  His attention was focused  on

Hindu  Dharma.  I stayed in Narail for almost  three  years.  The

local people liked my very much.  As I proceeded from village  to

village the local residents would seranade me with kirtan.

 

292. During the time I stayed in Narail I suffered serious fevers

on two occasions.  On one occasion I became very weak because  of

 

the  fever.  Because  my touring the Muphasel had  fallen  behind

scheduale  I  travelled  with my wife.  I took  medicine  from  a

Kaviraj but I performed my duties with difficulty.  Staying a few

days in Naladi I went to Raigram.  Doctor Sitanath Babu carefully

examined me and he gave me electrical treatment.  One would  find

very  few as intelligent as he.  We had great fun at the  Raigram

Fair.

 

The  respectable  gentlefolk  of Narail  made  great  efforts  to

entertain   visiting  gentlefolk.   The  ladies  would   make   a

preparation of crushed coconut,  and light snacks, and bring then

to our tents.  The gentlefolk brought many common household foods

and it would have been very indiscrete not to accept them,  so  I

would take a little and give the rest to the others to eat. There

were many dishes [offered to us], such as condensed milk.

 

293. The green-coconut [dab] milk was very good in Narail. Samil,

a servant [of ours?],  could purchase a very big coconut for  one

Paisa  only.  I   did not drink any water but drank  only  green-

coconut milk. Because of this my body became very healthy. Hrishi

Babu and Baradadas Babu and others came to see me all the time.

 

295.  In  1286,  while residing in Narail,  I  published  Krishna

Samhita.  After  that,  in  1287,  I published the  book  Kalyana

Kalpataru.  Regarding the Krishna Samhita a European scholar,  R.

Rest Saheb, wrote [as follows]:

 

296.

 

India Office

London S.W.

 

16th April 1880

 

My dear Sir,

 

A  long  and painful illness has prevented me from  thanking  you

earlier  for the kind present of your Sree  Krishna  Samhita.  By

representing  Krishna’s  character  and his  worship  in  a  more

sublime and transcendent light than has hither to been the custom

to  regard him in you have rendered an essential serivce to  your

coreligionists,  and no one would have taken more delight in your

work than my departed friend Goldstucker,  the sincerest and most

zealous advocate the Hindoos ever had in Europe. I am sending you

a  number  of theÜAtheneum containing a notice  of  his  Literary

Remains,  published last year, as the work may be welcome to many

of  his  old friends in India.  I trust you will  pardon  me  for

having ventured to draw your attention to it.  It would be a good

thing, if his views, literary and political were better known and

more appreciated in India.  I trust you will let me know if I can

be of any service to you.

 

Believe me to remain yours very truly

 

Reinhold Rest

To Babu Kedar nath Dutt Dy. Magistrate

 

297. Waldo Emerson Saheb could not read Bengali, but he wrote this

letter:

 

10th May 1886

Concord

Massachusets

 

Dear Sir,

 

I have received with pleasure the book you so kindly sent  me.  I

am  sorry that I do not know the language and cannot read it  and

can only send my thanks.

 

Emerson.

 

298.  When I published Krishna Samhita the people of this country

had many opinions [about it].  Some said that this book was a new

point of view.  Others said it was good.  The  younger,  educated

people  said the book was good.  But no one could understand  the

essence  of the book.  The pupose of this book was to  show  that

Krishna-tattva was transcendental.  Some people thought that  the

entire  matter  [of the book] was psychological,  but  they  were

altogether wrong.  There is a subtle difference between aprakrita

[transcendental]  and adhyatmika [psychological] which  generally

no  one  can grasp.  Aprakrita has as its basis  the  absence  of

speculative knowledge. Kalyana Kalpataru was mostly received with

affection and its many verses were sung.

 

299.  While  I was living in Narail I took diksha along  with  my

wife.  I  had  been  searching for a suitable  guru  for  a  long

timeÜbut  I  did  not  find one.  I was  very  unhappy  [on  that

account]. I had done much anxious thinking, and in a dream Prabhu

diminished my unhappiness.

 

300.  In the dream I got a hint.  That day I became happy. One or

two days later Gurudeva wrote to me saying,  “I will come quickly

and  give you  diksha.” Gurudeva came and Diksha  was  given.  My

mind was satisfied.  From that very day the sinful reaction  from

meat  eating went from my heart and mercy arose [in  me]  towards

the jivas.

 

301.  You were born in Ranaghat on the 15th of Avin 1880.  I  saw

aspiuoius  signs on your body  that indicated that later  on  you

would  be  religious.  At this time Sadu had  a  son.  There  was

something  in  his  appearance which gives rise to  the  fear  of

ghosts.  When  anyone would lay the child down next to  you,  you

would laughingly push hime away. You were born on Sri ekadasi. In

a dream I beheld an ugly monkey which came to me and said,  “This

child  is  very  wicked and it will not live.”  Then  Sri  Narada

appeared in a dream and said,  “The monkey was Kali,  do not heed

his  words.  This boy was born on Harivasara  [ekadasi].   Taking

intiation  into the pure Vaihsnava religion he will  preach  that

dharma. No one wil be able to kill him.”

 

302.  O  Lalita!  I hope that you will fulfil the predictions  of

Narada Gosvami. In this world there is no wealth that can compare

to the wealth of dharma.  The body lives for just a moment, it is

here today and gone tomorrow.  Prabhu has been kind to us; out of

His  mercy  He has given His name and the treasure  of  prema  to

this  world.  You will understand this  from the sadhu-guru  when

you are older.  Srimad Bhagavatam and Sri Chaitanya  Charitamrita

are  two books that are priceless gems in this world.  Make  some

effort  and  consider  this matter.  There  is  no  necessity  of

exhibiting [mundane] knowledge to this world,  [rather] give  the

treasure of bhakti to the world.  Live a sinless live according to

religious  principles and earn money and support your family  and

yourself. But never at any time forget the holy name of Krishna.

 

303.  Around the time that I was living in Narail I had a  desire

to live in Calcutta. I asked Mahendra Mama to arrange for a house

there.  In those days there was a lot of malaria in Ranaghat, and

thus  I  wanted to live in Calcutta.  We have been  residents  of

Calcutta for several generations.  Previously I had said that  it

was  impractical  to  maintain  oneself in  Calcutta  and  I  had

maintained  a  house  in  the  villages.   But  [life  in]   that

[particular]  village had become difficult and it was  better  to

arrange to have a house in Calcutta than go to another.

 

304.  You and your relatives would live with the greater  family.

Acquiring  knowledge and making money and such things  were  easy

inÜCalcutta  and so also was arranging the marriage of  sons  and

daughters.

 

305.  At  this  time one [other] thing occurred.  I was  sick  in

Narail. Because of the marriage of Kadambani my wife stayed for a

few   days  at  the  house  of  Bholanatha  Kaka   Mahashaya   at

Pathurayaghat  in  Calcutta.  It was very difficult  to  stay  in

Calcutta because we did not have our own house. Realising this, I

wished  to  arrange for a house in  Calcutta.  Kadambani  married

Sriman Mani Madhav Mitra. I was not able to attend [the wedding].

Because  of my illness everybody returned to Narail after  Kadu’s

wedding. Within a few days [however] I became well.

 

306.  While  I was living in Narail Braja Babu of  Navadvipa  was

my Sub Deputy.  His activities were pure,  but he had no faith in

bhakti.  I saw Vaishnavas in the area surrounding Narail  but all

of  them  were false.  Raicharan Gayak and  a  vaidya  [ayurvedic

doctor]  I  saw were pure.  On account of my  desire  to  arrange

a  house in Calcutta I got a three month Priveldge Leave in  July

of  1881.  Abdul  Kader came to take over in my absence  but  was

delayed. I knew him from Puri.

 

307.  I rented a house in Calucutta on Nimu Gosai Gali and stayed

there with my family. During the rainy season [Sravan] I, my wife

and you [Lalita] went on pilgramage along with two  servants.  My

mother-in-law also  went along. When we setout we dined etc. at a

at a place known as Mokama. In the afternoon we took a train from

Moghal Sarai and eventually went to the house of Devendra Vasu at

Prayag. At Triveni we performed Sraddha etc. and I came down with

a fever.  There we met Sitaram,  a Brajbasi.  Seeing my fever, he

cautiously  took me to Vrindavan in the reserve train.  First  we

stayed  at Kadarya Kunja.  Afterwards we went and stayed  at  the

Kala  Kunja  of Radhamohan.  The fever did not go.  I  prayed  to

Prabhu,  “Let there be fever afterwards,  just let me enjoy  now.

While I am in Vraja let me be happy.” Prabhu heard my prayer  and

the fever departed.  From then on  I associated with sadhus while

in Vraja.

 

308.  We  goot good prasada from the Kunja of  Lalubabu.  We  saw

Govindaji,  Gopinatha  and Madan Mohan.  We arranged to  offer  a

thali  at the Gopinatha temple and there was a dispute  [in  that

regard]. We took prasada at the kunja of Rupadas Babaji and there

I received the Dasasloki of Nimbarka.  I heard the recitation  of

Nilamani  Gosvami  in  private.  It was there  I  first  saw  Sri

Jagannatha Babji.

 

309.  Going  by  palanquin  I  took  darsana  of  Radhakunda  and

Govardhana.  There I experienced the spitefulness of the Kanjhada

[a gang of dacoits] so I made arrangements to stop it.  Returning

to  Vrindavan again I took full darsana.  You were a  very  young

child. Due to your constantly eating prasada you passed urine [on

the steps] on the way out of Madana Mohan temple.

 

310.  We went to Lucknow from Vrindavan via.  Mathura. Staying at

the residence of a landowner,  Raja Kumar, we wandered all around

the town. From there we went to Phaijabad, then on to Ayodhya. We

returned to Phaijabad in fear of the corrupt pandars [in Ayodhya]

before  evening and stayed at the residence of one Bengali  Babu.

The next day we took a bath at Goprat ghat,  and that same day we

went  to Kasi.  In Kasi we stayed at the house of Tinu  Babu.  My

mother-in-law was [?] very happy in Kasi.  From Kasi we  returned

to  Calcutta to our rented house at Nimu Gosai Gali and  everyone

was in good health.

 

311.  I stayed a few days in Calcutta and I went and viewed  many

houses.  Because  of  its suitability I decided on one  house  in

Rambagana. Bholanatha Babu and Mahendra Mama did not like it.

 

While  I was in Narail I was friendly with  Commissioner  Peacock

Saheb.  At  this time Kamala [Prasada] had a cataract of the  eye

and  Peacock  Saheb  helped in its  removal.  I  employed  Doctor

Sanders  Saheb for the purpose of excising the  cataract.  Doctor

Sanders was new in Calcutta.  He was not [aat all] greedy.  Thus,

after a few visits I paid him 50 Rupees and thereafter 10  Rupees

more.  His removal of the cataract was successful, but the vision

in Kamala’s eye was not cleared.

 

312. I was transferred to Jashorhara on the 30th of November 1881.

At  that time,  according to my previous promise [the prayer  for

health while in Vrindavan],  I came down with fever.  As  Peacock

Saheb  was not around I concluded that in my depressed  condition

in  Jassore  I must be experiencing a  bad  astrological  period.

Therefore,   recongising  my  inevitable  sufferring,   while  in

Jessore  I stayed at the residence of Deputy Babu  Navin  Krihsna

Bandhyopadhyaya.  My body was weak, and immediately on arriving I

got into a dispute with Barton Saheb.

 

313.  The place was execcedingly abominable.  Fever had taken its

residence  in Jassore.  At the same time I had problems  with  my

eyes.  From my childhood I was short-sighted. I saw well from the

left  eye but  everything looked blurred from my  right  eye.  At

that  time  there  was  a  tiny  spot  in  my  eyes.   My   short

sightedness had gone,  but my vision was hazy and I had some sort

of ache in the eyes.

 

314.  While in Jessore my health was not good and I was not  able

to  work  well.  Peacock Saheb described my good work  to  Barton

Saheb  and Barton Saheb became very affectionate towards  me.  He

took all the work from me except for the treasury duties.  Doctor

Cummings Saheb examined my eyes and said that my eyes were ailing

and  I  must  take leave.  I went to Calcutta  and  had  my  eyes

examined   by  Kelly  [?]  Saheb  and  he  gave   a   certificate

recommending  Medical  Leave.  All  of my family  was  living  at

the rented house on Nimugosai Lane there.  I would not allow  them

to go to Ranaghat.  I made a promise that I [?] would stay  there

[in Calcutta] and buy a house.

 

315.   I  showed  the  certificate  from  Kelly  Saheb  [to   the

authorities] with the certificate from Dr.  Cummings,  and on  10

January 1882 I obtained three months medical leave.  The  officer

who was to replace me arrived late.  When he came I was  relieved

and  went to Calcutta.  During this time I treated [the  disease]

myself and looked for a house to buy. In the end I bought a house

for  6000  Rupees from Chandra Kaviraj at 181  Manikatal  street.

Mehendra Mama did not agree to my taking the house,  therefore he

would not give me much help. I worked on my own raising the extra

cash  and  I made the house suitable by having repairs  done.  On

the advice of Bholanatha Babu we performed Griha-yajna before  we

entered  the  house.  Realizing  then that  the  house  was  good

Bholanath Babu and Mahendra Mama had faith [in my decision].

 

316. Upon coming to the new house my whole family was very happy.

Since  the  time  we  were  in  Puri  my  mother  was  afraid  of

getting cataracts.  She went to doctors in Calcutta,  but all  of

her  relatives prevented her from having an operation because  of

her  old  age.  I  also  decided that  mother  was  too  old.  [I

concluded that] there would be no problem for her if we gave  her

a  bathroom [of her own] on the second floor.  Although  she  was

living  in  the new house she was not able to  see  it,  and  she

suffered [on that account].  Rajani Ma was her private maid.  All

mother’s work was seen to.  There was a brahmana cook and my wife

served her genuinely.  Because everybody was working for her  she

was very unhappy.

 

317.  I  heard  that  the post in the Sub  Divisional  Office  in

Barasat  was available.  I felt that my eyes were much better and

it would be good to reside there.  I spoke to Catrel Saheb but he

said  that he had promised the post to someone else.  I went  and

spoke  with Peacock Saheb and he wrote a letter to Catrel  Saheb.

After a  few days I got permission to go to Barasat.  I  received

the  order  in  1812 on the 12th May.  Before that  I  had  taken

another three months medical leave because of my eye problem  and

I spent the best portion of the vacation at Barasat.

 

318.  I received a lot of alopathic medical treatment because  of

my  eye disease and I got general improvement  therefrom.  Doctor

Lalmadhav,  Bholanath Babu, and mother all said that I should eat

fish  again even though I had given it up for a long  time.  They

said  eating  fish heads daily is good for the  health  of  one’s

eyes.  [The thought] of eating fish after so long was painful. By

taking   medical   treatment  from  Babu   Rajendranath   Dattta,

aÜhomeopath,  I  improved.  I had faith in homeopathic  medicine.

Rajendranath Babu then considered that there was no necessity for

me to eat fish.

 

319.  In  Barasat  I received charge from the  Deputy  Collector,

Bakimchandra Chaturya.  I went there with Radhika and  Kamal.  We

had a very lovely house with a garden and pond in Barasat.  I did

not  bring my wife to Barasat,  as usual;  whenever I was ill  my

wife  would come.   Court was held on Monday in  Naihati.  Having

informed the collector, I used to come home on Saturdays. I would

hold court on Monday,  and then I would return to Barasat.  There

were  not many cases [to be heard] in Barasat.  But  there was  a

great deal of municipal work in Barasat and Naihati.

 

320.  There was a lot of bad natured people in Barasat.  In order

to  draw attention to themselves,   they used to create a lot  of

mischief for me in many ways.  Formally,  when Lea Saheb was  the

Sub  Divisional Officer in Barasat,  there was a  program  called

Athletic Exercise at the time of Sarasvati Pooja.  There was also

Jatra Gana.  Over two years I spent almost 500 Rupees  supporting

these  events.   The  expenses of the festival  were  covered  by

donations.   All  the  important  people  would  attend  and  the

expenses,  for  the food etc.,  were paid by the  sub  divisional

officer — me.

 

321.  Naihati was also a difficult place.  There  were two groups

among the Comissioners, of whom Haraprasad Shastri was the chief,

and  they would quarrel.  Their disputes were very  difficult  to

settle.  Moreover,   the house of my son-in-law,  Charu,  was  in

Naihati. One had to be very cautious.

 

322.  I was in Barasat for two years. I continually had to travel

in the Maphasal. There was malaria at Barasat, and were I to stay

longer  [than  necessary]  there  was  always  the  fear  of   my

contracting  this  disease.  I was promoted to the 4th  grade  of

Deputy  Magistrates and Deputy Collectors on the 20th  of  March,

1883.

 

323.  At the end of the year in Barasat I had a man named  Kailas

Babu  [staying]  with me.  Kailas Babu said that  he  would  read

Chaitanya Charitamrita and meet me at my house  in  Calcutta.  He

knew a little grammar. At this time, Babu Sarada Charan Mitra, an

advocate, purchased some Sanskrit books for me. Among those books

were  Sri Visvanatha Cakravarti’s tikas on the Bhagavad Gita  and

Srimad Bhagavatam.   I had yearned for a devotional commentary on

the Gita for many a day.  Upon seeing this book Kailas wanted  to

make a copy.  I took the book to Barasat and I gave it to him  to

make a copy.  After two or three months the copy [was  complete].

Kailasa’s writing was very nice. He was the editor of a newspaper

called Aryadarsan.

 

324.  Kailasa made a copy of the Gita and read the  Charitamrita.

At  year’s end,  during the festival time,  a pair of shawls  was

stolenÜfrom  the house of Mahendra Mama.  Being under  suspicion,

Kailas  fled.  [When he left] my Narottama Vilasa went with  him.

When  there  is  a  bad astological period  no  one  is  able  to

counteract it.

 

325.  I  became  depressed by the rude behaviour of  some  wicked

person  of that place stealing the shawls.  At this  time  Annada

became mad. While in Narail, as I was teaching Annada the work of

the Registry Office,  and because I was the Registrar General,  I

separated  Singasopur from the Sub Registry Office in  Narail.  I

appointed  Annada  the  Joint  Sub  Registar.  Later  Annada  did

accounting  work as the Sub Registrar in two districts.  When  he

had  finished  all the work,  having requested  Norman  Saheb  at

Kurigrama,  I  arranged for him to be made the Sub  Registrar  at

Ranpur.   I sent Annada’s wife and daughter there. He became mad,

and  hearing the news,  I sent Mahendra Mama and two  other  men,

released Annada from his duties and  brought him to the house  in

Calcutta.

 

326.  The  very  day  he came to Calcutta he left  for  his  Mama

[maternal uncle] Sharata in Majahphabapur.  Not knowing where  he

had gone,  everyone became very anxious. While in such anxiety, I

asked  Peacock Saheb for a transfer.  At that time Peacock  Saheb

was the Secretary,  and on the 1st of April,  1884,  he gave me a

transfer to Sri Rampur.

 

327.  During the time that I was staying in Barasat, in the month

of  Karttika,  1884,   Krishnavinodini was born at the  house  in

Calcutta. There being a daughter after so long, everybody thought

this was the last pregnancy.  Mother said,  “As this is the  end,

[having] a daughter is good.”

 

328. In Sri Rampur my residence was beside the court. I was going

and  coming  from the house every few days.  The reason  is  that

cholera had afflicted the servant named Gopinath in the temporary

residence.  After a few days I returned to the house. There was a

lot of court business  in that place.  Collier Saheb then was  in

Sri  Rampur.  I  was the senior Deputy Magishtrate  and  Nagendra

Gupta  Babu was the third Magistrate.  I came to the house  on  a

Saturday and I satyed in Srirampur  on a Monday.   Radhika, Kamal

and Bimal stayed with me in Srirampur after sometime.

 

330.  In  the  month of Bhadra of that year  my  mother  died.  I

received one month priviledge leave on October the 6th, 1884, for

the purpose of performing sraddha for her. Annada, who previously

had  been  in Majahpharpur,  stayed in Sri Rampur for  the  first

time.  He  was  sent to the village Tiralumayi and  was  given  a

bangle  [as a talasmin against his mental problems?],  but  there

was no improvement [in his condition].

 

331.  IÜrealized it was my duty to go to Gaya to perform  sraddha

for my mother.  I, my wife, Binu, Haridas Mustophi and Jhapasi, a

servant,  left our house and went first to Vaidyanath. From there

we  went to Bakipur and from thence to Gaya.  There we stayed  in

the house of Pasupati Babu.  According to custom,  on Tuesday the

28th  of October we performed Sraddha in Gaya.  After seeing  the

hill known as Ramsila Brahmayoni,  we took a train to  Pretasila.

Vinu [Bimal] sat on Jhapasi’s lap.  With great effort we  climbed

to the top of the hill.  There were many big buildings there.  My

great-grandfather,  Madan  Babu,  was  well known [for  his  work

there].  There  were 395 steps up the hill.  At the  top of  sthe

step the name of Madan Mohan Datta was written. Outside my great-

grandfather’s temple I saw the inscription of the maker:

 

332.  sri radha-krishnaya namah/ sri chaitanya-chandrodaya namah/

sri  siva-durga-saranam/ jaya ramah/ ei bara magi  prabhu  tomara

charane/savamse kusale rakha madan mohane

 

Following this was this verse:

 

333.   drishtva   kastam naranam ativisama-patharohanayoddharanam/

pretadrer  divysopanakam  ativitatam saukhyam  arohanaya/  kritva

tapopasantya ritunabarasabhushamkhyasake’tra saudham/  sri-natha-

preetaye sri-madana-parabhavan mohanakhyo hy akasit

 

334.  sri  madan  mohan datta sam kalikata/  gomasta  sri  Ganga-

narayana-karsam  udishya/  grama  gopalapur  paragane   baluvishi

sarakar  katak/tahaviladar  kalicharan chaudhuri  sam  simalagadi

paragane  panduyaÜarambha sakabda 1696 sanga 1696/ san 1182  sal/

moharar sri-rama-narayan raya sam chandahati paragane barddhaman/

hajarinavi sa-sri-narayana ghosa sam rayunathapura udishya

 

335. We arrived in Calcutta on Friday the 31st of October 1884 by

morning.  The  vacation was over and we went back to work in  Sri

Rampur.

 

336.  While I was in Narail,  in the month of Vaisakha,  1288, my

Sajjana  Toshani  newspaper  was  first  published.  When  a  new

[printing]  machine  came  to  Narail  its  owners  came  to   me

requesting work,  and thus I printed Sajjana Toshani there. After

I left that place I was restricted [in what i coulde do], and the

newspaper could not be published regularly. At the conclusiion of

my stay in Barasat I regularly spoke in English with Sri  Upendra

Gosvami.  In 1883 an English edition cameout but then the patrika

stopped.  In 1885 I had the Vaishnava Depository [a library?]  at

Rambagana.  I  stayed  in Sri R ampur.Radhika,  Kamal  and  Bimal

studied  in Sri Rampur.  In 1885 I,  Radhika,  Kamal,  Bimal  and

Prabhu went to Memari and Kulingram.  After that we went  visited

Saptagram.  At  that  time  I made some effort and   put  out  an

edition of Sajjana Tosani. Around that time it was offered to the

Visva Vaishnava Sabha,  but the publication stopped.  After  1892

Sajjana  Toshani  was  revived and continued  [to  be  published]

regularly.

 

337.  In 1886,  while I was staying in Sri Rampur,   I wrote  and

published Sri Chaitanya Sikshamrita.  This book was well received

in  all  quarters.  In  that year the  Gita  was  published  with

my translation,   Rasikaranjana,  with  the   commentary of   Sri

Visvanatha Chakravarti. It was an extremely intellectual task for

me  to  publish all these books.  A book named  Bhaktivinoda  was

published and I composed a Sanskrit commentary on its Siksha-tika

[?].  Haradhan Datta of Badanganga in Kayapat came to Sri  Rampur

and  offered  me a very old copy of Sri Krishna  Vijay,  which  I

published. At that time I established the Chaitanya Press and Sri

Yukta Prabhupada [his guru?] ran it.

 

338.  When  we  had  printed two khandas of  the  book  Chaitanya

Charitamrita Sriram Narayan Vidyaratna requested that we stop.  I

got a very intense head ailment from all this intellectual  work.

There  was  one  other cause:  my nose  was  running  constantly.

Kaviraj   Haricharan    had   me   take   Svarnabanga   to   stop

it.ÜImmediatetly  after taking that medicine I got  dizziness  in

the  head.  Because of that I got leave for one month 15 days  in

the month of May 1885 through the efforts of Rici Saheb.  I tried

many  kinds  treatments  but my ailment  did  not  go  away.  Old

Gurugati Basu and Babaji Charan told me to smear ghee on my head.

 

339.  I  smeared ghee on my head.  At that time I  obtained  some

books by the Gosvamis on Rasa and [Krishna] Tattva. But I was not

able to study at all because of the head ailment. I prayed to Sri

Jiva Gosvami that the illness would depart. I considered that the

suggestion  of  the  Vaishnavas  to  put  ghee  on  my  head  was

perhaps the instruction of Jiva Gosvami.  [I continued to  apply]

the ghee [to my head] and my ailment went away.  Again I began to

work  and to read the books.  On Sunday the 17th of Phalgun  1886

Syama Sarojini was born. In that year, in the month of May, I got

leave  for one month and 24 days.   Annada’s mental  illness  had

worsened  significantly.  Vaidya Dattahari Mahapatra from  Orissa

arrived and made Sivaghrita.  Annada’s disease improved  somewhat

and he felt [significantly] better.

 

340.  I  transferred  to Krishna Nagar in the district  of  Nadia

according  to an order dated the 15th of November  1887.  I  will

tell you the true reason [why].  I recovered from my head ailment

and  I  studied  the  devotional  literature  a  lot.   While  in

the  association of some bhaktas I began to become  renounced  in

mind.  I reasoned in my heart thus,  “I have passed my days in  a

futile way and I have done very little.  I have not been able  to

obtain  even  a slight taste of service to  Sri  Sach-chid-ananda

Svarupa Radha Krishna.  So if I am able, I will retire and get my

pension   and  finding some little place in the groves  near  the

bank  of the river Yamuna in the  Vrindavan-Mathura  district,  I

will perform bhajana in solitude.  However, because of the nature

of  the  practices  [of  devotional  service]  and  my   physical

condition  I may not be able to remain alone,  therefore  I  will

live in the company of one other person.”

 

341.  I  arranged  for  Sri Ramsevak  Bhaktibhringa  to  be  with

me.  Bringing him to Sri Rampur,  I asked his advice and he  gave

his  opinion  on  the matter.  At this time  I  was  writing  Sri

Amnaya  Sutra.  Ramsevak Babu went to Calcutta and I  immediately

went to Tarakesvar to work.  While there the Lord spoke to me  in

the night while I slept,  saying,  “You will go to Vrindavan, but

your  house  is so close to Navadvipa Dhama.  Have you  done  all

there  is to do at Navadvipa?” Upon returning from that  place  I

again called Bhaktibringa and I told him all about this  [dream].

Bhaktibringa advised me that I should transfer to Navadvipa Dhama

and  I made this known to Peacock Saheb through  Jnana  Babu.  He

said  that  going  to  Nadia  so  soon  was  not  proper:  “After

retirement  [you  can] study antiquity.”  Being  dissapointed,  I

stayed [where I was].

 

342. I forgot to mention one incident. Observing my writing books

on devotional service,  and being pleased with me, Sripad Acharya

Kula  [Vipina  Vihari  Gosvami  and  others]  gave  me  theÜtitle

‘Bhaktivinoda’. I reproduce the letter that he worte to me:

 

343.  sri-sri-rama-krishno jayatah/ sri-patubaghanpada-nivasibhir

gosvamibhih  sri-kedaranatha-dattaya-bhaktaya  sishyaya   kripaya

bhakti-vinodopadhih pradattah/ sishyasya srimatah sadhor govinda-

charanaisinah/  kedaranatha-dattasya jayo bhavatu  sarvada/  pra-

bhos-chaitanya-chandrasya  matasya chanuvarttinah/  pracharakasya

sastranam  bhakti-marga-pravarttinam/   sri-radha-krishna-visayam

tava bhaktim anuttamam dristva ko na vimuhyete lokesmin vaisnava-

priya/ yam bhaktim labhitvam sasvat vanganti bhagavat-priyah/ tam

bhaktim hridaye dristva dhnyo’si priyasevaka/ jivasya  jivanopaya

eka   bhaktir  goriyasi/  ato  bhaktivinodakhya  upadhih   prati-

grihyatam1

 

344.   sri-sri-caitanyabda  400  magha  masa/  sri-vipina  vihari

gosvamina/  sri-tinakari  gosvamina,  sri-gopala’ndra  gosvamina,

sri-goran-chandra  gosvamina,   sri-ramachandra  gosvamina/  sri-

yajnesvara-gosvamina/ sri-vinoda vihari gosvamina,  sri-yadunatha

gosvamina,   sri-vinoda  vihari  gosvamina,  sri-yogendra-chandra

gosvamina,     sri-gopalachandra    gosvamina,    sri-hemachandra

gosvamina/    sri-chandrabhushana    gosvamina/     sri-kanai-lal

gosvamina/ sri-haradhana gosvamina2

 

345. I  replied as follows to the Acharyas merciful letter:

 

sri-sri-krishna-chaitanya-chandraya   namah/  jayatah   sri-rama-

krishno vaghna-palli-vibhushanau/ ja…  vivallabho  rama-candra-

kirtti-svarupakau/  vyaghyopi vaishnavah sakshat yat  prabhava…

bhuva tat/ va… pall…tmakam vande sripatam gaura-pavanam/ sri-

vamsi-vadananda-prabhor vamsa-pradipakan/ acharyanumatan  sarvvan

mad-desika-varan  prabhun/  tesham  prasadaleshena  jaropadhojate

mama/   bhaktivinoda-prakhyati  dasasya   vidyatedhuna/   yeshiam

kripalavenapi  bhushito’ham upadhina/ tesham padasaroje me  sa…

dandatih/  sri-rama-paratah/  kritanjali  nivedanam  etat  tesham

chira-sevaksya  sarvva-vaishnava-dasanudasasya  bhaktivinodopadhi

kasya sri-kedaranatha dattasya3

 

346.  The Acharyas gave me the title Bhaktivinoda,  and this  was

also the desire of Mahaprabhu,  yet in spite of this, seeing that

my  going  to  Sri Dhama Navadvipa was  obstructed,  I  was  very

anxious.  At  that time  Sriyuta RadhamadhavÜBasu was the  Deputy

Collector in Krishna Nagar.

 

347.   I proposed a mutual transfer to him.  He was very  earnest

and  expressed a desire to go to Sri Rampur.  Sending his  letter

[requesting  a  transfer  to Sri Rampur]  to  the  government,  I

requested a transfer to Krishna Nagar.  By then Peacock Saheb had

gone and Edgar Saheb was the Secretary. Seeing there was a delay,

I sent a telegraph to Edgar Saheb.  He was in Chapra with the Lt.

Governor  and he wrote [to me saying] that permission would  come

in  time.  A few days [later] permission to  transfer  came.  The

order was dated the 15th of November, 1887.

 

348.  How shall I speak of the misfortunes [that then befell me]?

Returning  home in joy I became worried because at the same  time

that  horrible  fever  came  [upon me]  and  it  did  not  cease.

Collector  Toynbee  arrived and expressed a  desire  to  postpone

[any] substitution for me. But then I thought, “I’ll live or I’ll

die,  but  I will go to Krishna Nagar.” I went to  the  [official

residence in Krishna Nagar] and the worst part of the fever  went

away.  But the cough,  weakness,  and minor fever did not relent.

At  the  time  [?]   I  had  not  taken  [or  did  not  take?]  a

convalescent  diet  for  almost 20  days  [?].  Bholanatha  Babu,

Mahendra Mama and everyone requested that I take a vacation.

 

349.  I realized that if I took leave I would not be able to goto

Nadia. Thus  I chose to go in my bed-ridden conditon. My wife and

Mahendra  Mama accompanied me.  There was a little difficulty  on

the  way,  but in the joy of going to Navadvipa the  difficulties

were  not felt.  When I arrived in Krishna Nagar I met  Collector

Hopkins the next day.  He said it was not good that I should come

with  my illness.  They gave me charge over the treasury and  the

small  claims  court.  When I drank milk and I was able  to  hold

court  then I had a little strength again,  but when I  left  the

court  I  would  have to lie down [as  if]  dead.  I  saw  Doctor

Russell and he said,  “You do not have the strength even to move.

If you do not take medicine or a convalence diet you will die.” I

had fever at night and I worked during the day.  In 45 days I had

eaten  only  1 sera daily of milk,  this is what I  lived  on.  I

thought  from  time to time,  “Many obstacles are a  good  sign.”

Doctor  Russell gave me 20 grains of Quinine to daily eat with  a

roti and other medicine.  By following this system my body was  a

little healthier by Christmas.

 

350.  During the Christmas break I took a train to Navadvipa with

my  wife.  Arriving  there  and  seeing  the  land  in  all  four

directions  the hair on my body stood on end.  Upon crossing  the

Ganga, and I went to Rani’s house and I made arrangements to cook

for  Srimad  Mahaprabhu.  Having taken darsan of  the  Lord  with

difficultly I honoured prasada at around 1 o’clock. After 45 days

[of dieting],  I took grains, enchare dahl [soup made with unripe

jackfruit],  mocha  ghanta  [banana-flour sabji] and  soup  etc.,

which were like nectar. Since my very birth  I had not eaten such

nectarean food.  Even Biru [Bimal Prasada?] ate everything on his

plate, and with great devotion.

 

351.   We had to go to the house at Krishna Nagar before  evening

and  thus,  buying some cooking pots and  utensils,  and  quickly

crossing  [the river],  we took the train to Krishna  Nagar.  The

next  day  I  went to Baro Gosvami’s  house  in  Santipura,  took

prasada,  and  before evening returned home.  At that time I  was

beginning to become strong.  Every Saturday,  I went to Navadvipa

to search out the places of the leela of the Lord,  but I did not

find many and  I was very unhappy. At the present time the people

of Navadvipa only pay heed to their stomach etc. They do not make

even  a little effort in relation to the places of the  leela  of

the Lord.  One night, Kamal and a clerk and I went up on the roof

in order to look around.

 

352.  It was 10 o’clock, and was very dark and cloudy. Across the

Ganga,  in a northerly direction,  I saw a large building flooded

with light.  I asked Kamal [if he saw it] and he said he  had.  I

asked the clerk and he said, “I did not see anything.” Because of

that I was utterly amazed.  In the morning I looked carefully  at

the place [where I saw the building] from the roof Rani’s  house,

and  I  observed  that in that there was one  Tal  tree  in  that

location.  When  I asked others about this place they  said  that

this distant place was known as Ballaldighi and that the  remains

of  the fort etc.  of Laksman Sen were close by.  That  Monday  I

returned to Krishna Nagar and the following Saturday I went  back

to  Ballaldighi.  I saw that wonderful phenomenon in  that  place

again at night,  and the next day I went to see the area on foot.

Upon  inquiring  of  the elderly people  of  that  place,  I  was

informed  that this was the birthplace of  Sriman  Mahaprabhu.  I

gradually saw everything [in the area] and ascertained where  all

the  small villages mentioned in the Chaitanya Bhagavata  and  in

Narahari Thakura’s Bhaktiratnakara and Parikrama Paddhati were.

 

353.  While staying in Krishna Nagar I wrote Sri Navadvipa  Dhama

Mahatmya and sent it to Calcutta to be printed.  I explained  all

these  matters to Dvarik Babu,  an engineer from  Krishna  Nagar,

and through the strength of his intellect understood  everything.

He made a map of the area around Navadvipa for me.  That also was

printed  in a reduced form in Dhama Mahatmya.  While I  travelled

around  Navadvipa Dhama and wrote Navadvipa Dhama Mahatmya I  saw

that there was very little opportunity to do more.

 

354.  Again I fell into difficulty with some illness.  During the

rainy season I was troubled by tonsilitus.  I had sent my  family

to  the house but I brought them back again.  I had some  medical

treatment but nothing happened.  A European doctor told me,  “You

will have to have your tonsils removed.”

 

On  the  31st of January 1888 I received promotion to  the  third

grade. Realising that my illness was serious I went to see Doctor

Maclaud in Calcutta.  He said, “There is no use in operating.” He

made  arrangements  to paint [my tonsils] with  para-chloride  of

iron.  In  the  meantime  IÜapplied for leave.  On  the  25th  of

November 1888 I received approval for a priviledge leave for  two

months and twelve days. My replacement was delayed a few days and

during   that   time  I  purchased  the   property   called   Sri

Surabhikunja.  Hari Pramodini was born on the 26th of May 1888 at

the house in Calcutta.

 

355.  nI the month of Agrahayan I took my leave.  Mahendra  Mama,

Ramasevak Babu,  myself,  Gopi,  Jhapasi and the father of Kulada

went to Surabhikunja.  After staying there a few days we returned

to Calcutta.

 

356.  I  forgot to mention something.  The year I was in  Krishna

Nagar,  in the month of Vaisakhi, on the full moon day [or on the

full moon day in the?] month of Jyaistha, I took the family  in a

horse  carriage to Ula.  I was very happy to see the place of  my

childhood after so long.  After seeing the temple house, the pond

called  Kalisagar,  and my birthplace,  I went and stayed at  the

house of Dasu Mama [at the old house]. I saw poojas performed for

the public and enjoyed many entertaining [dramatic] performances.

There were lectures at the school.  In the evening we ate and  so

forth at the house of the Varanasi Babus.  The next day Kamal and

I took the train back to Krishna Nagar. The other children took a

boat from Ranaghat to Calcutta.

 

357.  Taking a vacation,  I went to Calcutta and saw  Commisioner

Smith Saheb.  I spoke to Edgar Saheb about a transfer.  I said it

would  be good for me to move to a place more conducive  to  good

health  and a little drier.  He transferred me to Maimansimha  in

the sub division of Netrakona.  At this time Radhika was married.

The  bride was the daughter of Visvambar Babu and  grand-daughter

of Babu Gopal Mitra.  After the wedding we went to the  phulsajja

house [house decorated with flowers during a wedding],  and later

I,  Kamal,  and the father of Kulada made the trip to  Netrakona.

Prior  to that Mahendra Mama went to Godruma and sent  my  things

and Jhapasi to Netrakona.  On the ship I spoke with  Radhavallabh

Babu and his brother.

 

358.  Before evening we reached Narayan Ganga. Thereafter we took

a  train, arrived in Maimansimha and proceeded to  the  house  of

Atul Babu,  the Sub Judge.  In the morning I met with R.C.  Dutta

Saheb.  That day I arrived in Netrakona before the  evening.  The

next day I took charge,  and I lived in a tent [for some  while].

I  bought  a few straw huts from the previous  deputy.  I  stayed

there  three  months  and it was a  good  place.  You  could  get

anything [you wished] to eat.  The Kakanrol fruit was  plentiful.

There was a lot of court business in Netrakona,  for the citizens

were  very wicled.  For the purpose of seeing the Garo  Hills  we

stayed in a tent at Durgapur.

 

359.  I  went on a trip to the hills on an elephant.  The  people

of  the royal house of Susanga [Sasanka?] in that place  got  all

kinds  of  news [?] from us.  Barendra Brahmana was  a  fanatical

sakta.ÜOn  one  occasion I invited the people of the  Hajang  for

Hari Noot[?].  Their keertan was good,  with pure devotion. I saw

that their devotion to Sri Gauranga was strong.  For three months

I  did not go anywhere,  then Dutt Saheb [R.C.  Dutt]  secured  a

transfer to Tangail for me. He was on vacation at that time; thus

I went to see Magraw Seheb and then I left.

 

360. At the time of boarding a train Atul Babu brought a document

and told Kamal,  “You have passed the entrance [examination].” At

that moment the train departed.  We went at once to Taka. There I

stayed  at  the  residence of my old  friend  and  cousin,  Judge

Mahendra Nath Mitra.  Having met with the Commissioner, and going

around  seeing the sights of Taka,  we eventually spent two  days

attending  the  Hari Sabha of the  Basaks.  From  Narayana  Ganja

[close to Dakka],  we went to Goyaland [?] on a  steamer.   There

was  utter disruption in the strong wind on the river  Padma.  We

arrived in Goyaland a little into the night, and went from thence

to Calcutta by rail.

 

361.  After staying a few days at the house, I, Radhika and Gopi,

took  a trip to Tangail.  Upon arriving in Tangail I  heard  that

previously there had been a tornado and many people had  died,  I

then started work,  but observing that the Bengalis of that place

were  not  so good I brought a house boat to Dakka and  began  to

travel  around there.  It was easy to travel about in  the  rainy

season.  After  travelling  all around for some days  the  former

Deputy  Babu’s  leave  was over and  he  arrived.  At  this  time

Mahendra Mama wrote,  “I was transferred back home.” Eventually I

saw  the transfer to Burdwan and on the 5th of September  1889  I

was  transferred there.  Because of a shortage  of  funds,  money

arrived  through  a  telegraphed money order.  We  then  went  to

Calcutta.

 

362.  Immediately  on  arriving in Calcutta,  I was told  that  I

must go to Hooghly,  but that did not happen.  I went to  Burdwan

[instead]. Janaki Mitra’s sons made efforts to help our people by

bring  the  luggage  up  to the house near  the  station  [?]  of

Naleenyaksha Babu, and we stayed there. The sons of Janaki Mitra,

namely Mammath Mitra and Giran Mitra,  purchased the materials of

that Chaitanya Press of mine.  Some additional money was due from

them from that [sale] but in the end it was not given. Death came

[to them?], and it caused me the loss of 200 Rupees.

 

363.  I  moved  from the house of Nalinyaksha and stayed  in  the

garden  house of a kshatriya.  Fifteen days later I came  to  the

house  [?].  Lee Saheb was the first Magistrate and later  McGraw

Saheb  came.  I  had a fever in Burdwan  for two or  three  days.

While  returning  from Mankar on one  occasion,  I  contracted  a

fever.  My  wife came and Mahendra Mama also.  Bholanath  Kaviraj

Mahasaya made good friends with me and gave me medical treatment.

According  to  his  desire  Mahendra  Mama  brought  a  piece  of

rhinocerous  [?] horn and gave it to him.  The fever  diminished,

but in the night breathing became difficult and I slept in fear –

–  in  this way was I ill.  At this time I began to take  half  a

grain  of  opium  on  the advice of  the  doctor  and  Bholanatha

Kaviraj. On that account there was some improvement.

 

364.  Deputy  Purna Babu of the Kalna district went on  leave;  I

wanted  to take his place and thus I went  there.  Previously,  I

had  given some money to the Navadvipa Mandal of  Svaroopa  Ganga

for  the  purpose of developing  Sri  Surabhikunja.  Having  seen

Surabhikunja in its natural state and observing how the work  had

progressed I came to that decision en route to Kalna [?].   There

was  the hope of going to see Sri Dhama Navadvipa and many  other

places  from Kalna.  On the 10th of March  1890,  myself,  Bimal,

Jhapasi,  and Pulin Babu went to Kalna via Santipura. On the 14th

[I went] to Samudragad by boat and stayed in a tent. On the 16th,

after inspecting the work in Godruma, there was a picnic.

 

365.  On  the  26th  of March I went  to  Sripath  in  Baghnapada

and sojourned there in a tent.  I inspected the school there  and

performed court business. I took darsan of Sri Baladeva  and took

prasada.  On the 30th I returned to Kalna.  On the 31st of  March

Sasibhushan Pal from Jannagar sent a silver moodra [amulet] which

he  obtained  in  Parula Gram.  On one side  of  the  mudra  was

written:  ‘sri-sri-chandrakanta-simha-narendrasya’ [‘This belongs

to  His Majesty Chandrakanta Simha’].  On the other side was  the

saka date 1242 and I realized that at this time there was a small

independent kingdom in Parula.

 

366.  On  the  9th  of  April I  visited  Nakula  Brahmachari  in

Pyariganja [?].  On the 20th — Ramsevak Babu,  in Kalna.  On the

23rd of April I went to Kaigram. On the 25th  I saw the residence

of Vrindavana Dasa Thakura in Denuda. On the 27th the family came

to  Kalna and on the 9th of May we returned to Calcutta.  On  the

18th  of May I went to Godruma.  We went  on foot to  Indrarkapur

with  Kamal,   thereafter,  crossing  the  Ganga  and  coming  to

Kakshasali  and  Chupi,  we  arrived at  the  police  station  in

Purvasthali and dined.  The next day I went on foot to Kuliya  in

Navadvipa  and I took darsan of the bhajana kutir  of  Jagannatha

Dasa Babaji.

 

367. During the time I was staying in Krishna Nagar, intending to

perform some service for Babaji Mahasaya [Jagannatha Dasa] at his

bhajana   kutir,   I  arranged  for  a  solid  vernanda  [to   be

constructed for him] at a cost of almost 150 Rupees.  OnÜthe  9th

of  June I gave charge [of my duties to a deputy?],  and  on  the

10th I went to Godrum,  via Santipur and Krishna Nagar.  There  I

planted  a madhavi tree,  and on the 14th I ate at the  house  of

Srinatha Chakravarti Babu and proceeded to Calcutta.  On the 27th

of Asad 1297 sal,  Sailaja Prasada was born in Calcutta.  On  the

17th  of June I went to Burdwan again.  On the 18th of October  I

went  to Amlayoda in the afternoon.  I lectured at  Gopalpur  and

Amlayoda.  On the 20th of October I returned to Burdwan.  On this

day I was transfered to Raniganga.

 

368.  I  stayed in Raniganga only a few days.  During  this  time

****. On November the 25th, 1890, I was transfered to Dinajpur.

 

369.  I went to Dinajpur,  taking Ram Sevak with me.  When I  was

first at that place, I stayed in the thatched house. In the night

my breathing [almost] stopped:  that ailment [of mine] increased.

I left that house and rented Basant Babu’s house. Radhika, Kamal,

and  Bimal  came there and stayed a while.  At that  time  I  was

heavily involved in the census-taking.  After copying out a  Gita

with  my  Bengali  translation,  Vidvad-ranjan,  with  Baladeva’s

commentary,  Ram  Sevak Babu went to Calcutta.  The whole  family

came  to the house [in Dinajpur].  Not being satisfied  there  we

went  and rented a very good house.  It was there  that   Krishna

Vinodini  and Hari Pramodini got intermittent fever  from  eating

too  much jackfruit and sufferred for almost 40  days.  We  tried

many kinds of medical treatment but nothing I did worked and time

went by.  Sri Yuta Mahendra Mama came there to help. A few months

previous to this I had made an application to go on farlow  [some

kind  of extended leave?].  On the 4th of August 1891 I  received

approval for a two year farlow.

 

370.  Having reserved a coach I took the family and servants  and

all our luggage to Calcutta. Both of my daughters  became well in

Calcutta  with  the change of climate and  the  administering  of

the customary medicine.

 

371.  During this time,  in the month of Asin,  myself,  Ramsevak

Babu,  Sitanath,  and  Sital  Bhritya took a ship,  and  went  to

Ramjivanpur  for Nama Prachara [promulgation of the  Holy  name].

Previous to this we had held Nama Hatta [Marketplace of the  Holy

Name].  According  to  the desire of  Yadunath  Bhaktibhushan  in

Ramjivanpur,  we  went there first.  Even though there were  many

bhaktas  staying  in Ghatal we did not go there  first  but  went

instead  to  Ramjivanpur.   We performed Nama  Prachara  in  many

places  in  Ramjivanpur and we were very  happy.  From  there  we

proceeded to Kayapath Badanganja and we gave a lecture.   All  of

the  bhaktas,  brahmanas and pandits there were  pleased.  Having

stayed  13  days in that area and concluding with  a  lecture  in

Ghatal we returned. We performed Nama Sankeertan everywhere.

 

372.  After  returning  to  the house [in  Calcutta]  I  went  to

Surabhikunja.  We  also performed a lot of sankeertan  there.  In

Krishna  Nagar there were many societies and I began  to  lecture

[to them]. Monroe Saheb, Gupta Saheb, Reverends Walace and Butler

all  heard  me lecture.   After the rains  Mahendra  Mama  became

seriously ill inÜDinajpur.

 

373. On the 15th of Phalgun 1892, myself, Bhaktibhringa and Tarak

Brahma Gosvami went to Basiraha for Nama Prachara. On the 16th in

Bajitpur we held Sri Nama Hatta.  On the 17th I gave a lecture in

Basirahat.  On  the  19th  I  gave  a  lecture  and  preached  in

Dandirhat. On the 27th of Phalgun 1892, I went on a pilgrimage to

Sri Dhama Vrindavan taking the honourable Bhaktibhringa with  me.

That  day  we went to Amlayoda.  With much  endeavour  I  brought

Mahendra  Mama  by palanquin to Kshetra  Babu’s  house.  I  spent

ekadasi with Sri Jagannatha Dasa Babaji Mahasaya and the next day

I established Prapannashram.  One the 29th of Phalgun [I preached

in] Gidhoda.  On the 30th in Baksar.  The 1st of Chaitra [I went]

to  the house of Umanath in Allahabad.  On the 6th of Chaitra  [I

went] from Allahabad to Etwa.  On the 8th of Chaitra [I preached]

in  Hatras.   My  purse  was stolen  from  my  pocket  there.  [I

proceeded to] Vrindavan on the 9th of Chaitra. On the 11th, after

taking a little time to see Bhandiravan, we established ourselves

in Mathgram. [We went to] Manasarovar on the 12th of Chaitra.

 

374.  On the 13th and 14th [we were] in Vrindavan, on the 15th in

Mathura,  seeing Gokula on the 16th,  and on the 17th we went  to

Madhuban,   Mahaligram,   Krishnakunda,  Talavan,  Baladevakunda,

Kumudavan [to eat],  Santanukunda, and Bahalavan. On the 18th  we

went  to Giri Govardhana via Radhakunda.  I had fever that  night

[which persisted the next day].  On the 20th I went to  Vrindavan

alone.  [We went to] Agra on the 29th of Chaitra.  On the 1st  of

Vaisakha  we went to Allahabad via Kanpur.  We had a second  trip

[following  the  same  route] then with a 3rd  trip  we  came  to

Calcutta  via Gidhod. A few days later, on the 7th of Vaisakha, I

reached Prayag and I received new of [Mahendra Mama?].

 

375.  On  returning  to the house [in Calcutta]  I  preached  and

lectured here and there.  At times I was in Grodrum and at  times

in Calcutta.  From time to time I lectured in Krishna Nagar.  The

year  1893 arrived,  and that year,  bringing a large  number  of

Vaishnavas [with him],  Sri Jagannatha Dasa Babaji Mahasaya  went

to Sri Mayapura for a festival of darsan and to Sri Godrum for  a

festival of congregational chanting.

 

376.  After  a  year and a half of farlow it was almost  time  to

go  back to work.  Bringing a letter from K.  G.  Gupta Babu  and

speaking  with  Cotton Saheb,  I requested a posting  in  Krishna

Nagar. At that time Sarkar Bahadurer, who had need of a qualified

man in the Subdivision of Sasaram,  requested me to go  there.  I

went there  on the 2nd of April 1893 in the hope of [getting  the

position]. Prior to this I received a promotion to the 2nd grade.

I  took some time from my farlow and went to Sasaram because  one

does not get a result if one does not return to work [!].

 

377.  My wife, Pimu, and Sailu went with me. It was at a very hot

time  in  Sasarama,  but  with  the help of a  fan  it  was  very

soothing.  Being  in the midst of the village by the side of  the

river Sona,  I was very happy.  AnikatÜwas in Dihir,  working for

the  Government of Bengal,  which was nearby [?].  Beholding  the

beauty  of  the River Sona [the river that girdled  Ayodhya]  and

hearing the sound of the water’s current, I was enchanted.

 

While  I  was staying at that place there was a  serious  dispute

between  the Hindus and Moslems over cow  slaughter.   There  had

been very good relations between the Hindus and Moslems for  many

a  year,  but because of cow slaughter their good  relations  had

ended.  The  feelings  of  hostility were mutual  and  there  was

constant fighting between them.  For a long time Sasaram had been

the home of the Moslems. Their ancestral father, Ser Shah Badasa,

had his residence there.

 

378.  In the town of Sasaram there were many alleys and lanes and

Moslems and Hindus lived cheek by jowl. Because of this there was

plenty of opportunity for disputes. Fighting would develop daily.

 

379.   A certain Vaishnava sannyasi bought a small piece of  land

 

facing  my  court office,  and he endeavoured to build  a  temple

there.  The Moslems insisted that the temple could not be  built.

The  sannyasi  spoke to me about the matter and I  spoke  to  the

Moslem  Serestadara  so  as to know the  thoughts  of  the  local

Moslems on this matter. The sannyasi did not wait for the results

of  [the talks] and he began to build the temple  [anyway].  That

particular  day I was in Nasariganga.  Moslems went [to the  plot

of land] with sticks and swords to fight.  The leaders among  the

Moslems sent a telegram to the government and the Comissioner was

informed  that  the  sannyasi  was building  the  temple  over  a

[Moslem]  tomb and that it was being done with the help of  Hindu

officers.

 

380.  Many letters were exchanged concerning this matter. Being a

Hindu  officer it was difficult for me to remain in Sasaram  [and

remain impartial]. I made many attempts to get away from Sasaram.

My  superior  officers gave much help to me  and  the  government

secretaries informed me that there would be a transfer  eleswhere

at a suitable time.

 

381.  I  travelled  from place to place [at  that  time,  and  on

one  occasion] I conducted court in a bungalow in [one  of?]  the

villages.  That night I received a telegram from Magistrate  Krin

Saheb saying,  “Go to Koyath as soon as possible”,  which I  did.

There  was terrible hostility between the Hindus and  Moslems  in

Koyath   over  cow slaughter.  Gopal Babu of Jakpur was  the  Sub

Engineer  at that time.  Immediately I sent word to my  cook  and

servant at the bungalow in Sasaram to prepare a meal early in the

morning. Late at night I took a carriage and set out on the trip.

I arrived in Koyath at 4 o’clock in the afternoon having eaten in

the  morning  at  Sasaram and [having?] the  carriage  driven  at

speed.  Koyath was about 40 miles away from Dihir.

 

382.  I arrived extremely tired from travelling on that carriage.

LaterÜin the evening I consulted with Krin Saheb and the next day

in  the  morning  [?]  Krin  Saheb  gave  me  responsibilty   for

management and went to Ara.  While inspecting the court I came to

know  that  in  the  village there was  a  excellent  bull  of  a

brahmana.  At that time the brahmana went to Purushottama, but he

did not take the bull.  Upon returning,  he searched for the bull

and  [when  he could not find it] he concluded   that  the  local

butchers had killed and eaten it. The brahmana challenged [?] the

Moslem  butchers and they replied,  “What of your  bull?  In  the

future we will kill five cows in front of everyone on market day!

What will the Hindus be able to do when they see this?”

 

383.  Hearing  this  utterence,  this brahmana  was  enraged  and

informed  all  the  Hindus.  He also  wrote  to  the  respectable

citizens [of the town] in order to put an end to the cow killing.

On  the market day almost 4,000 Hindus from all over  the  region

and beyond and carrying missiles and swords, came to the house of

the butcher, who fled. They made a slight disturbance but did not

see  the man in the enemy group and dispersed.  In the  afternoon

the Moslem group grew,  and taking guns and swords,  some of them

injured  some  Hindus.  The  injured persons had to  be  sent  to

hospital.

 

384.  After some delay the police came, but they were not able to

do   anything.   Finally,   they  saw  the  Moslems  creating   a

disturbance,  but  because  the  fight was  not  started  by  the

Moslems,  but,  rather,  was started by the Hindus, the fault was

considered  to be the Hindus’.  I instructed the police to  bring

the first case [?].

 

385. After carefully questioning witnesses from both sides I gave

two year prison sentences to a few Hindu men.  Then in the  trial

of the Moslems, after examining the witnesses against some of the

Moslems,  I gave two year prison sentences to some of them.  They

appealed  to  the  high court against my decision  in  these  two

trials,  but my decision was upheld. The government established a

special police force [in Koyath] in order to keep [peace between]

the two  parties.

 

386.  It   was very painful for me to make the judgement in  this

case.  I  gave  the same scrutiny to both groups   and  the  same

punishment.  Because  of that the Hindus said that being a  Hindu

officer  the Magistrate should have been somewhat partial to  the

Hindus. The Moslems said that because the root of the problem was

with  the Hindus,  why were they not meted out  more  punishment?

Just observe,  making decisions in this place was not pleasing in

any  way.  While I was in Sasaram Prabhavati was married  in  the

month of Vaisakha and  Kamal was married in Sravana.

 

387.  I wrote to Cotton Saheb and he gave me a transfer to  Nadia

from Sasaram.  The days of my trouble were over.  In the month of

October I came to Calcutta from Sasaram.

 

388.  I  did not delay,  but went directly to Krishna  Nagar.  At

thatÜtime  Bernard Saheb was the Collector.  My residence was  at

Kasi Babu’s house near the house of Monomohan Ghosa.  I purchased

a carriage and a pair of horses. While I was living at that house

your  older brother,  Manibabu,  Charu Babu and others  all  came

there  during the winter.  Also Syam Sarojini came and stayed for

some time.  There was not very much work, but during the trial of

one  particular thief I became fatigued.  Whenever the  Collector

went  to  the  Maphasil  I was the senior  officer  and  all  the

responsibilty for the principal towns fell upon me.  At that time

I would inspect the gaols.

 

389.  You  went to Krishna Nagar in the month of December and  by

the month of February you were admitted to the college there. The

time of my retirement was rapidly approaching,  therefore, I sent

you to Calcutta during the difficulties of the rainy season.

 

390.  Bhaktavar Dvarik Babu told me one day that he had written a

letter  to Naphar Babu concerning [the arranging of worship?]  of

Sri Mayapur;  I gave my approval and arranged a meeting at A.  B.

School in Krishna Nagar in January 1884. On the 2nd day of Magha,

on  a  Sunday,  the   meeting was held.  All  the  scholarly  men

attended  the  meeting.  Dvarik Babu and I  explained  the  whole

matter,  and *** gave sanction for the prakasa seva [manifest, or

external  service]  of  Sri Mayapur.  A  society  named  Sri  Sri

Navadvipa  Dhama Pracharini was established and Naphar  Babu  was

declared the chairman of the society. Having collected funds at a

public  meeting  according  to the  decision  [of  the  society],

approval was given for the installation service of Sri Moorti.

 

391.  On  the 8th of Chaitra there was a huge Deity  installation

ceremony  and  innumerable  participants  attended.   There   was

Manoharasari  Keertan,  and Nama Sankeertan,  all performed  with

great bliss.  Much envy arose among the people of Navadvipa  over

the finding of Old Navadvipa. There began to be some gossip and a

storm of abusive words against the worshippers of  Gauranga,  but

why should those who have offered their life to the lotus feet of

Gauranga  retreat  because  of the talk  of  wicked  people?  Not

paying heed to the talk of worldly-minded,  envious people,  they

arranged to build a temple and worship the Supreme Lord there.

 

392.  Our whole family and [my] students went to Sri Surabhikunja

for  the festival in Sri Mayapur.  Previously,  having left  Kasi

Babu’s  house,  I  made  my residence in a rented  house  in  the

municipality  of Krishna Nagar.  You were also there with me  for

some time.

 

393. Due to the endeavours of a landowner, Naphar Babu, permanent

service  was  established in Sri Mayapura  and  gradually  things

progressed [there].  [Yet,] when I went there I observed that  it

was necessary for me  [to oversee] even ordinary matters [due  to

mismanagement?].  It  was necessary [for me] to raise funds  from

the  public  to build the temple.  However,  at that  time  IÜwas

Deputy Magistrate and thus I was not able to collect funds, and I

also began to anticipate my retirement after so much labour.  ***

The  service  [at  the temple?] was proceeding  with  my  monthly

quota [donation?].

 

394.  Commisioner  Saheb came to Krishna Nagar and advised me  to

work a little longer.  I gave him my thanks,  but I had no desire

to  continue  working,  and  thus,  on the 4th  of  October  1894

I  retired,  and  moving  all  my things  to  the  house  at  Sri

Surabhikunja  I went there [to live].  In that year there was  an

extensive  flood  and  the  water rose close  to  the  street  of

Svarupaganja  [?].  Upon proceeding to Sri Surabhikunja I  stayed

there  a  month.  I purchased 16,000 bricks,  and  used  them  to

construct the boundary wall of the Kunja. For the entire month of

October  the river was swollen and I could not go to Sri  Mayapur

and so I went to the house in Calcutta [instead].

 

395.  When I came to the house [in Calcutta] I began to beg  with

 

Ramsevak Babu on behalf of the temple at Sri Mayapur.  By begging

everyday in the morning, and collecting money little by little, I

[gradually was able to] send 1,600 Rupees to Naphar Babu for [the

purchase of] bricks.

 

396.  O  Lalita  Prasada,  whatever  I can  recollect  up  to  my

retirement  I  have  written  in  this  letter.   You  will  know

everything that happens from now on.

 

397.

 

21st June 1896

Bhakti Bhavan Calcutta

Your father, Sri Kedar Natha Datta Bhaktivinoda.

 

 

 

Thus Ends the Svalikhita Jivani of Thakura Bhaktivinoda

 

 

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